My story

@Cowgirl1
I can recall going to my first forum and I hated it.  I sat through the day and those around me had no idea how I felt.  All that said to me was I wasn't ready to sit in a group and listen to others.  On here I can read stories or skim past; in control totally of the emotions.  Don't feel guilty and let the emotions roll when they come.  I haven't really been in that predicament; as my surgeon has said, I am as tough as old boots and was very accepting from the start. 
Prior to my diagnosis I had been to a fund raiser for a dear family friend, in her late 30s, who has metastatic cancer.  Perhaps that is why I am so accepting of mine, nothing like our family friend.
We are all different and there is no judgment.  This is your journey and roll with it!  If you use the search area in this site you will find lots of information that you may find beneficial with your lymphedema et cetera 
If the tears come let them roll, most believe it is part of cleansing.  Golly I watched the movie The bucket List last night, seen it many times before, but now with where I am at the tears were close by.
Take care

Whilst I was upset in the weeks leading up to my surgery and some tears of misery during chemo. It was only after and back to work that I had those tears that just came from nowhere. And for me it was others stories too. It was facing the fear of what could have been, or even what might return. Acknowledging that is fine. It allows us to heal and move forward. I still have the odd day like that, especially when tired, but mostly I don't now.

Weirdly it's only now that I am really dealing with the loss of my breasts,  15 months on. (I seemed to have developed nipple envy) most days I don't think about it, but other days it's hard. 

We all have different stories but we are united by a common thread...we have faced our mortality. ..and that leaves a scar we can't see. 

Kath x

I spoke with my dr neice who's ex is a bc surgeon in a remote area of Australia. He said those who were whipped in fast for surgery and treatment didn't do as well emotionally as those with less aggressive forms of bc and had quite a few weeks before tackling the treatment.
What;s that thing soldiers get in war, PT something? Doctors are just starting to realise bc survivors can get it as well. Add to that for those of us with hormone positive cancers we go on to a hormone suppressant which also suppresses libido and we start feeling pretty darned useless.
More research into the mental state needs to be done and don't like my situation with the psychiatrist throw a mental pill at it that makes you even sicker in body while its trying to settle the mind. All I wanted was someone to listen to me and talk about things but nope here take this pill and see me in a few months. My mum says pray about it but that's still a one sided conversation. I really think my bc came due to me feeding it with the contraceptive pill and pure stress I had. I was once at my peak worth over 3 million dollars! Gosh I should write a book about the stuff that's happened. Thank goodness for this forum! <3

@Cowgirl1 its fantastic that you have that support and one thing you shouldn't feel is guilty because you still have also had surgery, radiation and nodes removed. I too felt guilty until I realised that I had nothing to feel guilty about. I did have a single mastectomy but no chemo and no radiotherapy and am on hormone therapy for however many years so I've dodged a lot of treatment bullets and fatigue that the lovely ladies and gents on here have had to go through. I certainly realise how very very lucky I have been but we all share in the uncertainty and fear that the diagnosis creates. I thought I was sailing very very smoothly and then had a couple of sobbing days and they came out of nowhere and are almost tidal in their intensity, ebbing and flowing. I also think that so many other factors come into play, pain, tiredness, sleeplessness. And then there are the days when we are totally invincible and nothing can phase us. It's excellent that you are on this site and you do fit in here as we are all magnificent survivors whether we feel we are worthy of the title or not - we're here, we're fighters!! We all get it and whenever you need to chat and get things out of your system this site is the best place to do it.

Thanks and yes you are right wham bam next you are in surgery then home then treatment and back to work, I always knew I hadn't dealt with everything that had happened to me and as they say it will catch you week later or years later, it got me a few months ago had a week off work lucky I have a fantastic manager which took the pressure of me , still think I have a bit more to come out. Just realised I had cancer, breast cancer was different wasn't it? In my mind anyway cancers cancer and it slaps you in the face when you start to come to terms with it. I have had guilt due to having an early detection of my cancer and had radiation and five nodes removed and all these women who have full breast mastectomies, chemo, etc and little old me I don't know where I fit in my story is very different,I have a great bc nurse who I talk to and got my mind set a bit better and I have fantastic friends and partner

Hey @Cowgirl1, I know the feeling as I too have been incredibly lucky. I think you get so totally blindsided by your own emotions at times. I have never been a crier but BC seems to have stripped my emotions pretty raw. Don't feel bad about getting emotional every now and then (or even all the time) as I think that we are so very busy dealing with treatment and everything that goes along with it that once we start to settle down and life starts to resemble something like normal that is when it really hits us and it hits really really hard. Sending you a big hug. Xx Cath