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Deanne's avatar
Deanne
Member
11 years ago

Getting your confidence back

Hi everyone Being diagnosed with cancer was probably the biggest blow to my self-confidence that I've ever had. To lose that feeling of security that you have about your health, not to mention all the physical changes that surgery and treatment bring. It is a real struggle to hang onto your identity, the ideas you had about your life and what you were doing with it. It's like somebody just walked in and emptied the contents of your life into a wind tunnel and you haven't a hope of ever gathering them all back into order again. Until recently I really did not think it was possible to get my life back on track. It is just so hard to get that confidence again to start setting and achieving new goals. I kept trying though and hoped that one day I would feel strong again and a new direction would appear. I think that is the key for me. You just have to keep moving forward and finding ways to help you feel like you have some control or power over life again. For each of us that will mean different things but the important part is to acknowledge each step that you make towards your new life. Find things that help you to feel better about yourself and give yourself credit for all that you achieve, no matter how what that is. Share them with someone you love or with your friends on here, because we understand just what it takes to keep searching and trying for that new normal. I feel like I am really getting there now (diagnosed 13 May 2013) and just want to encourage others to keep beavering away at it because we all deserve to feel happy with life again after Cancer. We are so lucky to have this network to share our worries but we can really help each other to celebrate the good times too. I would love to hear what others are achieving in this struggle to get a life back after treatment ends. What is working for you? Deanne xxx

11 Replies

  • Deanne's avatar
    Deanne
    Member
    11 years ago
    That sounds so wonderful. A really good way to just spend your time with the people most important to you and doing something you have always wanted to do. Really sad about your friend though. I think I make big decisions more easily now because of that "what if". I think it is the things we DON'T do if we are given the chance that we are more likely to regret rather than taking a chance on having an adventure. I have a terrific friend who has also had cancer and she has encouraged me to step out there again saying, "life is for living, don't waste a minute"! Thanks for sharing your adventure, I feel more positive about my day reading your story. :) Deanne xxx
  • Tashie125's avatar
    Tashie125
    Member
    11 years ago
    It's a tough road doing treatment and when I finished chemo and rads the fatigue kicked in big time, so did tamoxifen! It took me another six months to get energy back and during this time I found it very hard to reconcile with myself because yes as you explain it I too was standing in that wind tunnel with four little kids as well. I finished all my active treatment at the end of October. I was diagnosed around the same time as a friend, we finished treatment close to each other also only at her 12 month scans they found mets, this shocked me! Life is a very precious gift and there is certainly no guarantees on growing old. So by mid November we decided to go travelling, have some family time and cross some things of the bucket list. I pulled my kids out of school, hooked up the van and we have been travelling Aus ever since. I am very grateful for this time with them as they were pushed aside a lot during my frequent travel for treatment. All six of us are surviving in a little van and having a great time discovering this land and yes I have even ticked a few items off the list. It's going to be hard to go back to work, but I'm planning our next adventure already.
  • Tashie125's avatar
    Tashie125
    Member
    11 years ago
    It's a tough road doing treatment and when I finished chemo and rads the fatigue kicked in big time, so did tamoxifen! It took me another six months to get energy back and during this time I found it very hard to reconcile with myself because yes as you explain it I too was standing in that wind tunnel with four little kids as well. I finished all my active treatment at the end of October. I was diagnosed around the same time as a friend, we finished treatment close to each other also only at her 12 month scans they found mets, this shocked me! Life is a very precious gift and there is certainly no guarantees on growing old. So by mid November we decided to go travelling, have some family time and cross some things of the bucket list. I pulled my kids out of school, hooked up the van and we have been travelling Aus ever since. I am very grateful for this time with them as they were pushed aside a lot during my frequent travel for treatment. All six of us are surviving in a little van and having a great time discovering this land and yes I have even ticked a few items off the list. It's going to be hard to go back to work, but I'm planning our next adventure already.
  • Deanne's avatar
    Deanne
    Member
    11 years ago
    I know exactly what you mean about not taking on other people's problems! It's not selfish at all, it's just being realistic. We can't change other people and often that is what needs to happen if they are to solve their issues. Having a serious health problem does change us and what we see as important. In that way maybe we are now lucky because we don't waste time on the little unimportant things. It sounds like you feel good about your life now. I hope that things continue to go well for you and your partner. :) Deanne xxx (Thanks for your support too!)
  • Deanne's avatar
    Deanne
    Member
    11 years ago
    We are our own worst enemies sometimes as we start to try and recover. It is so hard to know where to set the bar because everything is so different. We have to acknowledge that physically it can take a while before some things are possible. It's scarey too because you just don't know how long it will take or even IF you still have the same capabilities. I think also that our priorities change and maybe this is a big part of it too. Such a huge readjustment on so many levels. For me it really helped to do what I could to help the physical side of recovery and it sounds like you have done this too. I think as I improved in my fitness, this helped me mentally as well. I think little steps were helpful for me but every now and then I take a great big leap and so far have not had a big fall! (Touch wood!). Just a few stumbles that I had to readjust for. If something isn't going well then don't blame yourself just make some changes or get some help. We are definitely our own harshest judges and TIME is the best thing we can give ourselves. Spend time each day doing things that make you feel better and slowly, bit by bit you do get stronger. It is getting that BELIEF back in yourself that gives you the confidence to step out again. Realizing that this is normal for anyone who has been through a life changing experience is the best thing we can do. Just keep that one step at a time thing going and you WILL get there and I think you will find that your life will be better than ever. :) Deanne xxx
  • Deanne's avatar
    Deanne
    Member
    11 years ago
    Yes it really does help so much to be involved on this network. It is so hard to find people who really understand what it's like for us. I could never have met this many people to share this tough time with any other way. I really think the more we share the better off we are. It is a great way to feel as though you are doing something helpful too. :) Deanne xxx
  • Hazel_M's avatar
    Hazel_M
    Member
    11 years ago

    I've got some of my life back, still working on some things:) I'm enjoying being back at work. I have found that I don't waste much time worrying about little things. I have also been spending less time with negative people, I used to listen and sympathise, but now I tend to not take that on. It works better for me that way. Don't want to sound selfish but some of the things people complain about are ridiculous. Both my partner and I went through some really troublesome times and we are both enjoying having less drama in our lives. I would also like to say, you are doing some amazing things, I admire your strength, all the best,

    Hazel xx

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Johjoh's avatar
    Johjoh
    Member
    11 years ago
    Hi Deanne I am so glad I read your post! At the moment I'm feeling as if I'm fighting a losing battle trying to get myself back to the way I used to be before treatment. When I finishing my treatment I joined the gym and started Tai Chi classes, Water Aerobics and Zumba, which I really enjoy. (I finished chemo in July & rads in September 2014) Well now I'm back at work and I am struggling big time both mentally and physically and I'm only into my 2nd week (I work 3 days a week). I can feel my confidence slipping away and I come home crying because I'm not coping. Maybe I'm not ready for work. It is very difficult for me to give in and accept that I'm not coping. I'm usually a fighter and I try to get through the challenges that life has thrown at me but now I'm so tired of it all. I continue to do Tai Chi & water aerobics because I look forward to the days that the classes are on, and it helps me to unwind. When I went through chemo, I got through it by living a day at a time and always stayed positive. But now after finishing my treatment I'm finding it so difficult because I think about my future, my life, the changes I should make, the fear of reoccurrence, wondering when will I feel normal again, etc. I know one thing, having gone through this experience has changed me. I try so hard to feel normal again but no matter what I do, my body just can't keep up. I do my best and plot along trying to deal with everything but sometimes it gets too much. I love this network. It has helped me through my darkest days and reading this post has made me remeber that I'm not alone and what I'm feeling is probably normal. Hopefully I'll start to feel positive again and regain my confidence back. Big hugs! Johjoh
  • Deanne's avatar
    Deanne
    Member
    11 years ago
    You will get there, I'm sure. I was exactly where you are now and also found that exercise and meditation helped. It's an up and down time but doing something (even walking just 100m) makes you feel better and at the end of your treatment you will have more strength because you helped yourself when it was really hard to do so. That will give you a boost into your recovery because you will have that sense of achievement. This is just as much (if not more) a mental challenge as a physical one. Just keep moving forward and you definitely will get there. Take care. Deanne xxx
  • lisboy's avatar
    lisboy
    Member
    11 years ago
    Hi Deanne Great post! I am still new at this,about to have my third chemo tomorrow. I have been exercising every day even if it is only 100 metres( on those really low energy days) and meditating for 30 minutes or so every day. I have found the meditation really helpful. The other thing I have decided is to stop googling as it puts me into a funk where I start second guessing every ache/pain etc. I am still working through it all and hope to get to where you are now. Lisax