Forum Discussion

christine_m's avatar
christine_m
Member
2 years ago

Feeling let down by friends

Did/is anyone else struggling to deal with friends and/or your partner who weren't there for you in the way you expected them to be when you were going through treatment? Im having trouble not feeling hurt and so alone in the hardest phase of my life. 

Im also internalising (not sure if thats the right way to put it) a lot of anger towards these “friends” that it is having a very negative effect on me, but i just cant move past it. Particularly because i know i was there for many of them during their hard times.

family
relationships
support
  • AllyJay's avatar
    AllyJay
    Member
    2 years ago
    @christine_m I'm so sorry that your diagnosis and treatment resulted in this abandonment, both actual and emotional, but unfortunately, it's not an unusual situation. I've sometimes referred to cancer as "The Colander of Life". The good stuff stays in the colander to nourish and sustain you, whilst the crud goes down the drain. Same with friends family and associates.
  • Cath62's avatar
    Cath62
    Member
    2 years ago
    @christine_m, lots of comments above that all ring true. This issue came up early for me after my diagnosis. I did loose some 'friends'. Some said really stupid things to me and some are great. My true friends found it hard to watch me go through hard times. They didn't know what to say or do and many had so much of their own things happening in their life.

    Covid hit as I was diagnosed and the isolation we all experienced compounded the whole situation for me. I let go of those people who were not good for me and accepted that even some good friends while they didn't cook meals etc, they were still my friends and great for a chat especially about non cancer stuff. We do need that break too. I used a counsellor for my thoughts and my medical team to help me emotionally process all the cancer stuff.

      I am sorry about your partner, this is very hard and disappointing for you. You definitely would be hurt for sure about this. You are worth everything and don't need people in your life who can't be there for the hard times. Maybe a bit of counselling to help process that hurt would help. 

    Big hugs. You aren't alone here. Look at all the comments on this topic. 
  • arpie's avatar
    arpie
    Member
    2 years ago
    SO sorry you've been let down by some friends & your husband @christine_m xx   Sadly, it happens to a lot of us and can be very upsetting - as they often 'say' they will be there for you ..... but disappear  :(   

    Sometimes they feel a tad 'threatened' as they may think it may also happen to them - and don't know what to say, so they say nothing, which hurts.  

    You'll get lots of support here xx. 

    Definitely book in to see a counsellor to give you coping mechanisms - if you are older, you can get a subsidised or bulk billed 'care plan' to include the sessions - and keeping busy, doing what you LOVE doing, should help keep the demons away (as the brain goes off on a tangent!)

    Feel free to fill us in on your story so far ... 

    take care