@sister @iserbrown @Locksley
thank you so much ladies ā„ļøā„ļø. He was a shit, and Iām glad I found that out early on in the relationship, albeit it had to be cos of ca, but nevertheless didnāt waste more time on him. And yes, my current partner is absolutely wonderful. The total opposite. But I only found him after I truly decided, felt and believed that I deserve the best š„°.
@Nix thank you, I felt like slapping him too š. And Iām completely over him, I have been since then, but my anger remains because of myself, not him. Itās because I allowed that treatment from him, and didnāt say anything while it was happening. I did tell him off when I broke it off, but I feel it wasnāt enough. Thereās still things Iād like to tell him that I didnāt then, when I was putting aside my own beliefs just to keep the peace with him. I might write him a letter. Just for myself, to prove to myself I am always on my side, and will not be trampled on for anybody anymore.
Anyway, Iām really sorry because I didnāt want to ambush your post. My aim wasnāt to get sympathy or steal attention, but to describe it in a way that would be understood and hopefully help you and others. I wanted to show I didnāt just give up on the relationship at the first sign of trouble. And he had a close friend who had just had surgery for recurring cancer and was pretty much terminal, so I thought thatās maybe why he couldnāt support me. I thought I wonāt make a big deal about it because he was already going through so much with his friend. I even apologised to him after my specialist app for the hassle of my diagnosis š¤¦š¼āāļøš¤¦š¼āāļø.
Basically, I wanted to tell him he didnāt need to stay with me if he felt he couldnāt. But I was too scared to say it in case he actually didnāt. But then as I said, I got angry bc I didnāt choose ca. And I shouldnāt be the one apologising! And he was the branch manager of an engineering company, so with all his āpeople skillsā Iām sure he wouldāve been able to tell me if he couldnāt be there for me!! Well that was my reasoning. Apparently he wasnāt able to, and for all his academic intelligence, it appears he had zero emotional intelligence. And I also thought that having a friend going through it wasnāt enough reason to not support me too. Itās not like he had to do the surgery himself. If he could support his friend, he could support me, the woman he thought might bear his children one day!
Life throws things our way, we canāt ignore one important thing because of another, it doesnāt work that way. So, Iām not here to give relationship advice either. I donāt know you or your partner very well, and Iām def not a relationship specialist. I just wanted to emphasise one thing: what is important to YOU in a partner?
We can all share our stories, but youāll see that different people tolerate different things. Our demands are not always the same. Itās about you and your values. For me, I decided that I couldnāt be with someone who would ignore me through my toughest time. What would happen later, when I was pregnant for example? Would he have ignored me then too, and come up with excuses for it? And how long are you prepared to wait for your partner to come around and be able to help you deal with difficult situations? A week? 2 months? What happens in that time while youāre waiting?
And what does your partner expect of you during difficult times? Are you always there from the get-go, or do you need time too, to come to terms with things? If youāre the kind of person who gives a lot, can you be happy knowing your partner might not be your equal in that way? These are things I guess you need to answer for yourself, and decide whatās right for you. Because as I said, I canāt tell you what to do, and neither can anyone else. Also, after nearly a year, you should each know how the other deals with stress. If not, maybe this is your indication. And I know we think women tend to be more sensitive, but I honestly think itās up to the individual. I know heaps of men who are much more sensitive than my female friends. I understand your disappointment though.
Most importantly, please try and focus on yourself. I know how you feel, I went through the same thing, and itās soooo hard to be let down now, with this going on. So hard. But you are your priority, and always should be. So put her aside, get support from a good friend or family, and concentrate on getting yourself through this, whatever the results are tomorrow. Youāre strong and you can do it ā„ļøā„ļø.
