What now?
Well I have now completed all my treatments: six cycles of chemo and 25 rounds of radiotherapy. When I finished chemo I was so excited and happy and thought I would feel the same when I finished radiotherapy 5 days ago. I am not so happy.
I saw my oncologist yesterday and they don't need to see me for another three months. I feel like I was abruptly thrown into this situation and now just as abruptly spat out the other side. Treatments all over and now I am supposed to get back on with life.
The rational side of me says life will get back bit by bit to a new normal but when I start to think of making plans or dreaming of what I would like to do in the future, I have noticed that I stop myself and go back to the fear that the cancer will return. It is as though I am waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Is this how everyone feels following treatment? I don't want to rush off to a psychologist just yet if this is normal and that my confidence is likely to improve once I get my physical strength back and have healed up following radiotherapy.
I guess during treatment we are so busy managing side effects and seeing our team on a regular basis that to now not have any appointments for 3 months one feels a little insecure.