What now?

I have just finished my radiation last week...I also have the feelings of "What now?" 

Life certainly just fall neatly back into place, and it certainly isn't the same as before. I secretly feel that people who know me are waiting for this big inspirational life change - as though cancer answers all of life's questions and everything suddenly becomes clear. I feel like saying that I'm still the same person I was before, complete with the same issues, worries and insecurities. Topped off by some new ones! Oh joy.

Medically, I also feel like I'm left flapping in the breeze a bit...I no longer have a breast care nurse as mine got a promotion into another area, and nobody bothered to contact me about her replacement. Given, I didn't ask about it either, but it all happened between chemo and radiation, and I guess I thought I could do without. Looking back, I wish I had followed up. 

I've booked in for all my follow up appointments already - surgeon, oncologist, port flushing and radiation oncologist. Even though they aren't coming up soon, at least I know they're coming. I'm starting to also notice every little ache and pain - the sort of thing that before cancer, I would have just ignored -  but I had some good advice from the radiation oncologist about that. She said if anything is still hanging around after 3 weeks, then get it checked out. Considering the amount of chemicals and radiation I've just had, I figure there's a pretty low chance of anything happening that shouldn't. 

I think keeping busy and mentally occupied is the best thing to combat all this - I'm currently unemployed and trying desperately to get a job as I think having to learn a new job, put together with some long overdue social interaction will do me the world of good. For me, unless I'm busy, I get bored, then I start to think about things...that leads to dwelling, over-analyzing and depression! Of course, I'm not just ignoring everything important, I still have moments of pondering all the cancer related stuff, but I'm trying to be more in control of it, instead of it controlling me, as it was for a while there. 

I've heard that it gets better over time...fingers crossed! At least from here you can see that you aren't alone. I think everyone has this kind of "separation anxiety" in some form or another! 

Take care, from Bobbie