Still fighting......

Hi Jackie,

Sorry I only just saw this message for some reason. How did things go? You go through sooooo much but it is important to just focus on one thing at a time and go with the flow. Would love to hear from you...

PS I became a grandmother this week!!! My daughter had a baby girl on Monday - the same day a friend was killed in a motorbike accident - life is so full of ups and downs so we just have to do the best we can!

Mel xx

Hi Mel

Just to let you knowI will be having surgery this week. A mastecomy to the right breast and small lumpectomy on the left. Massive day today at the hospital for pre admission clinic. Incredible breast care nurse who gave me so much support & information, emotional time but I needed to know what I was in for. I was very scared over the last week since news of the surgery but now I know that this op has to happen....this is my life we are talking about, so I will stay positive as much as possible. So hoping for a good result with the sentinal node biopsy and pathology results after operation.

I live in Central Queensland.  You will have to inbox me privately to let me know where you are and if possible we could meet up some time.  I go to Brisbane quite often if that's where you are.  This is my second marriage.  We have been married for 5 years now and been together for nearly 15 years.  First time diagnosed my husband was a rock.  Second time it has been really difficult for him - his fear of losing me is sent back to me as anger.  My Life Coach has taught me so much. At times I wondered why I stayed (I think I have posted this to you in your early part of your journey)  I love my husband very much and I have been shown what it is that I can do to improve things.  I know my husband loves me to bits - life can be stressful for him (I am a Worry!!!) and he is a Worrier.  I can't wait for him to arrive home today as he has been away working.  Time for me to use some more of my learnt strategies on him..  He is too smart for me and he knows what I am doing.  In actual fact I am using the strategies on myself to help me and in turn make for a wonderful life together.  Queensland is the best state heh??  Today here it is the most glorious day (yes I know we have had some hot ones and some very wet ones of late - now everything is so green and lush)  Life is good.   Chat soon XLeonie

Hi Mel,

There is such strength in the words you have written in your blog post. I hope others are given strength through your experience.

Good luck with everything.

~Daina

Thank you so much for your wonderful reply Leonie. I go to a naturopath and he is helping me get back on track. I just feel out of control still - my body isn't what it used to be!! Losing the weight was one of the best things I did as it gave me back my confidence. I still have more to lose but I have enough on my plate at the moment!

I have had a couple of great counsellors and they have helped me to see what my husband was doing to me psychologically - I was a real mess! I am glad I moved to Queensland and started again as he would still be controlling me I think!

I lost the weight by buying myself a Wii fit! I didn't want to go out in public or to a gym, so this was a great alternative. I am a competitive person and for me it was great as I was trying to better myself all the time. Since moving I have struggled to get the motivation back though - I think it has all been too much for me. I am really excited about my new life, but I have days where I still grieve how things turned out. I don't miss my husband at all, but I did think I was married for life.

I would love to keep in touch Leonie.

THanks for your support,

Mel xx

I often wondered how you were and if you did part company with your husband.  Good on you for losing all that weight - that is amazing. As bmc stated I was told to "settle" and just go with the flow and not hurry anything as it takes at least 2 years after treatment has finished to feel anywhere near 100%.  It will be 2 years for my completion of treatment (except for daily Arimidex) in June 2013.  Most of the time now (only in the last two/three months) I feel pretty well.  Mind you I work extremely hard at it.  I take loads of herbs, go to get lymp massages every fortnight, see a life coach, see a keineseologist and try to live a quiet life - but a good life.  It is only now that I have felt like going back to work (part time).  Things come to test me though as I have hurt my back again.  Just little reminders to take it easy.  My suggestion is to take lots of herbal supplements.  My Keinesologist test all my meds to see if they are appropriate for my body.  Pretty hodo kind of stuff but I believe in it and it seems to work for me.  I went back to work after my first diagnosis but with the second one I was older and the chemo did knock my body around.  I would be interested to find out how you lost the weight as I have at least 10kg to be free of.  Again well done with the changes in your life (for the better).  Change does take a toll though so "cut yourself some slack" and take it a bit easier.  Cheers to you XLeonie

Thanks Jo for your reply - it's great to hear that I am not alone! I think I am really frustrated that my body is not the same and won't do everything I want it to do! But i am still here and forging ahead with a new life! Isnt it funny how people react - I had a couple of friends who couldn't handle it - it was me going through the disease not them!!!!

Keep in touch,

Mel xxx

Thank you Jackie for your positive reply! Keep in touch as I would love to help you with your journey. It is a tough thing to go through but I try to remember all the great things that happened to me. If I didn't have cancer I wouldn't be on this path in my life.

Talk soon,

Mel xx

Thank you for your encouraging words! I know I push myself to the limit and i am getting frustrated that I can't do the things I once did. I look on the cancer as a positive part of my life as I wouldn't be on this path otherwise! But there are still so many moments when I think 'how did i get here!'. These are lessening thankfully and I do love my new life. I think I am just still grieving what I thought I had in my marriage - hope that makes sense!

I will keep pushing on. Thank you for taking the time to reply!

Mel xx

Mel,

I have read and re-read your story several times since you posted. You are amazing!!

About the fatigue: many times I have been told by those of us who have gone through treatment that it takes about the two-year mark after treatment is over to feel properly back to where we were once upon a time.

You have also had the added recent events of your life journey, and full-time work, to process, so you could probably expect to feel worn out.

Keep up your amazing spirit and all the best.