Scared

Hi Tiarni, I just came across your post.. I have also had the double mastectomy and lat dorsi recon with implants.. When I saw your post my heart dropped for you. I can see it is like a month ago now, how are you going? I see that you didn't have radiation the first time, I wonder why? I live in Melbourne and my sister in Brisbane and we both have had it, although mine was worse than hers. I flew to bris to be with her and I noticed a really big difference in the treatment of the same disease. They didn't even offer drugs that I had been given and if I didn't know to argue on her behalf she would have missed out. I am so sorry for you that your children have to deal with this as well. Mine were 3 and 6 when I got diagnosed. My oldest is now 9 and I would be shattered to have to tell her again. But you know kids constantly astound us with their resilience and empathy, you never know what you can handle until you have to. I am due for all of my test next week to make sure no reoccurrence and my right side feels a bit funny. I'm scared too but I haven't said anything to anyone because I will wait and see after the tests. Hopefully it's just the implant bugging me because I've already had radiation and I can't have it again. Sometimes everything feels so unfair. I hope things are going ok for you and your family right now. If you're feeling up to it, please let us know how you are feeling and what treatment you are having. Good luck x

Hi dawn girl, Thank you, I will try take your advice and find some time to myself to relax and take stock. I know I can do this, it just really sucks. Tiarni

I had a local re-oocurance too. within 12 months of original diagnoses. im 30 with no kids. So i cant offer advice there, but i can definately tell you what it was like for me the 2nd time around. 

1st time around I had mastectomy with immediate recon (tissue expanders then implants) I hadnt finished my recon before my 2nd diagnoses. I declined Tamoxifen and didnt need rads coz of my mastectomy. 2nd time around I had chemo, double mastectomy (no recon) and radiation. They tried to save my implant but couldnt get clear margins so thats why I had it destroyed and then the other breast taken off too... 

Here to talk anytime. Im 2 months post rads now. still on Zoladex n Tamoxifen (as im hormone positive) I found it a little easier the 2nd time - even tho going thru treatment sux - but because of the support I already had from BCNA and my other support group on Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/groups/youngpinksisters/ I found coping a little easier within myself. 

I have regular check ups but no more screening unless symptoms arise. 

I too, at only three months in can't share in what you are going through right now, other than you are unfortunatley living the sort of thing most of us have nightmares about.

Kate's advice is spot on - trust in your care team, but make sure you ask all the questions you need to.

I know two women who are long term survivors -- one has had and beaten breast cancer twice, and a brain tumour; another had breast cancer twice and ovarian cancer. Pushing 65 now, she runs marathons.

really sorry to hear you are going through such a frankly crap time; perhaps not share with your little boy until after you know what is exactly ahead for you, and remember he loves you no matter what.

Burn candles. Long baths. A long walk. Whatever clears your head and heart. Be gentle with yourself in the coming days and weeks.

Stay in touch and take care.

x

Hi Kate, Thank you for your kind words. I wish you all the best too. We can beat this :-) Tiarni

Hi tiarni, I can't answer any of your questions. My situation is not similar, but I just wanted to say that I share this "scared" feeling with you. Place trust in your specialists at this time and call upon as much help as you can muster for looking after the kids. I've heard of many ladies who have had to experience bc twice and early in their lives and have gone on to live long lives. I wish you all the best of luck with this logistical nightmare!! Kate