Forum Discussion

Temple's avatar
Temple
Member
6 years ago

Rise of the machinesšŸ˜©šŸ¤¬šŸ„“šŸ¤¢

Is anyone else terrified of the scanners, the beam, the other thing thatā€™s round? Itā€™s been building for weeks. I can call it out right now. This is my first ā€œphobiaā€. Itā€™s not claustrophobia. Just looking at them terrifies me. And so does everything else - the powerlessness, itā€™s impersonal and cold, itā€™s poorly organised, the staff nothing special, not helpful and simply got a job to do, and seem
completely  unaware of how utterly horrible the machines look,
how disempowered and vulnerable a persons may feel. I have endured this for all the presurgery scans of machines I donā€™t even know the name of. And then some staffer asks me to tell them
what tests Iā€™ve had. I donā€™t know! My wallet knows. Iā€™ll ask my wallet. How  bout I do that?  WTF do you not have records of what is happening to me? 

Now the idea of my ugly fat self and my ugly fat disfigured boob popped out and exposed while lying on some fugly board attached to what looks like an instrument of death, in a fugly room while people stare at me, and doing it every day, yeah thatā€™s more than I can do.

Iā€™ve read about shorter durations etc for radiation, but nobody has mentioned to me who gets this? Why not me?

 I am starting radiation therapy next week.

Has  anyone ever bailed on radiation? ie not complete it? Is there a way to make this less terrifying? I could give it a go but may quit. I donā€™t think I can do it. I wasnt scared or anxious when being told of the breast cancer diagnosis, or and wasnā€™t anything other than upbeat during the surgery.  This machine scanner boobs out bullshit. Nup, nada, nope,
Thatā€™s how I feel today.