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Balijo's avatar
Balijo
Member
12 years ago

1 year ago today.......

So today marks 1 year since I had my bilateral mastectomy performed. I have surprised myself at how emotional I have been. I should be happy, shouldn't I ? My procedures are now all compete, I have had my implants inserted, had my nipples reconstructed, had my areoles tattooed. Looking down toward my toes my boobs look normal. But looking in the mirror I see the scars, when I touch my breasts they are hard lumps, they don't move when I move, and when my husband touches me my nipples don't react. But I can wear clothes and look normal. I was "lucky". I only had 3 lymph nodes removed from one side and 1 from the other, they came back all clear. I didn't need any further treatment, no medications to take. I don't lose my hair. But I feel sad for what I no longer have, and for what I can no longer feel, I still ask why me? I know that is selfish, I know I should feel blessed that it could have been a lot worse but wasnt. But today I feel just blah.................
mastectomy
Reconstruction

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  • NaturalBel's avatar
    NaturalBel
    Member
    12 years ago

    Joking!  I can sympathise with the emotional roller coaster, and the fact that a rush of tears can appear from no where, or plain, no emotions where you expect to be elated at the finish of a particular stage.  There is only one you, and we all react differently.  I congratulate that one year time for you, and it is such an achievement in my eyes, for you to look at 2 breasts that are now in their completed stage.  I do understand the feeling of sadness, as all would, because no-one wants to lose any part of their body and have it replaced.  (said with kindness).  Oh, and I have been advised lately to remove the word SHOULD from my vocabulary, thats a hint....... you will feel better as time goes by, and in years to come, like all of us, look back and say "What a character builder!" (said with humour, not intended to be blaze) Belxx

  • NaturalBel's avatar
    NaturalBel
    Member
    12 years ago

    Joking!  I can sympathise with the emotional roller coaster, and the fact that a rush of tears can appear from no where, or plain, no emotions where you expect to be elated at the finish of a particular stage.  There is only one you, and we all react differently.  I congratulate that one year time for you, and it is such an achievement in my eyes, for you to look at 2 breasts that are now in their completed stage.  I do understand the feeling of sadness, as all would, because no-one wants to lose any part of their body and have it replaced.  (said with kindness).  Oh, and I have been advised lately to remove the word SHOULD from my vocabulary, thats a hint....... you will feel better as time goes by, and in years to come, like all of us, look back and say "What a character builder!" (said with humour, not intended to be blaze) Belxx

  • mjp77's avatar
    mjp77
    Member
    12 years ago

    I am also diagnose with breast cancer june last month and had mastectomy june 26. After that i pray that i will not undergo some treatment but i was wrong. Next month august will start chemotheraphy 6 times and hormone theraphy after that. I am in expander now and my breast reconstraction will be 6 months after i finish my chemo. Can i ask you something about reconstraction, i choose silicone implant and did you know how long the silicone be replace after implant? Thank you so much 

     

    MJ

  • TonyaM's avatar
    TonyaM
    Member
    12 years ago

    I think the first "anniversary"is the hardest.It brings it all back and really,your emotions are still fairly raw.You've had alot of surgery done on you in one year so give yourself time.I've had breast cancer twice and each time,it took me about 2 years to feel ok about myself and get confidence back in my health. It is a grieving process you go through when you lose your breasts.There is a sadness we feel during intimacy cos we've lost an enjoyable part of it. We have to make so many trade offs in order to live don't we.I'm lopsided but at least I have one breast that functions normally.But my chest is not for show- can't wear low necklines and I have the worry of annual mammograms on the remaining breast. I'd like to say to you congrats on reaching 1 year but I understand how you can feel "blah". You are not selfish,just honest about your feelings and you maybe"lucky"in the cancer world but it is still a HUGE sacrifice to lose your breasts.You have every right to vent and grieve -your pink sisters truly understand.             Tonya xx