Cancer weeds out the Men from the boys
Boy its been a very long time between posts. A month ago marked one year since my treatment finished. You would think I would be happy right? My fionsay left me the week before so, no I wasnt too celebratory. I know now all along I was the one keeping the relationship together. The strong one, lifting the volunerable and when roles need to change, it just didnt suit.
After treatment finished he became very distant, didnt want to touch me or spend any time with me. This was so hard as this is when I needed to have the most support and a closeness. I kept reaching out and always being rejected. It got to the point where he just turned plain nasty, he showed a lot of hatred and resentment, a side I never saw of him and hope no other person ever does. A light bulb lit. WT hell am I doing? This exisitance is toxic. He needs to leave! I managed to keep it together through this illness whilst lifting his moods and trying my best to make it about him instead of me. Note to self: never sacrifice who I am for anybody. It truely was all about him, so now its my time to shine!! Cancer truely does weed out the men from the boys.
Two months after the split, I'm starting to rediscover myself again. I've reclaimed my house as a place of peace and happiness. I can have people over without having to worry about his bipolar moods and not making people feel welcome. The house has automaticly become brighter, cheerier and a pleasure to be in. Although the whole thing shocked my system I know its for the best and I am still young and there is a whole world out there ready to be explored and more importantly lived!
Wondering if any other women had partners leave them after treatment finished/ during and how they are coping. Also is anyone else suffering from vagi dryness? Its such a taboo subject, I'm putting it out there because I've spoken to doctors, oncologists and gynos and its not going anywhere. Love to hear from someone 
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Just read your post and made me cry!! I'm not going through any of that and havent even begun treatment... but my god... doesnt it take something like this to really open your eyes and see people and things for what they really are!!
Bless you and sending a big, happy hug through this computer especially for you xxx
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Just read your post and made me cry!! I'm not going through any of that and havent even begun treatment... but my god... doesnt it take something like this to really open your eyes and see people and things for what they really are!!
Bless you and sending a big, happy hug through this computer especially for you xxx
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Hi happylittlevegimite,
Sorry to hear that you had such a tough time in your relationship, but glad to hear that you are rediscovering yourself
I wanted to let you know that BCNA has developed a booklet called breast cancer and sexual wellbeing, that discusses a variety of topics, including vaginal dryness and a number of products that you can try to help you manage it.
You can download a copy of the booklet from our website, or place an order here and we'll send you a free copy in the mail.
If you're interested, BCNA also comissioned some research which investigated the sexual wellbeing experiences of women with breast cancer and health professionals. Not surprisingly we found that even though 89% of health professionals considered sexual wellbeing (including talking about stuff like vaginal dryness) to be a very important issue for women with breast cancer, only 33% of those who answered the survey said they always address this issue with women. You can read more here.
Feel free to order a few copies for your health professionals and hand it to them, which might help them to get the coversation started.
All the best,
Annie
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Hi happylittlevegimite,
Sorry to hear that you had such a tough time in your relationship, but glad to hear that you are rediscovering yourself
I wanted to let you know that BCNA has developed a booklet called breast cancer and sexual wellbeing, that discusses a variety of topics, including vaginal dryness and a number of products that you can try to help you manage it.
You can download a copy of the booklet from our website, or place an order here and we'll send you a free copy in the mail.
If you're interested, BCNA also comissioned some research which investigated the sexual wellbeing experiences of women with breast cancer and health professionals. Not surprisingly we found that even though 89% of health professionals considered sexual wellbeing (including talking about stuff like vaginal dryness) to be a very important issue for women with breast cancer, only 33% of those who answered the survey said they always address this issue with women. You can read more here.
Feel free to order a few copies for your health professionals and hand it to them, which might help them to get the coversation started.
All the best,
Annie
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Hi happylittlevegimite,
Sorry to hear that you had such a tough time in your relationship, but glad to hear that you are rediscovering yourself
I wanted to let you know that BCNA has developed a booklet called breast cancer and sexual wellbeing, that discusses a variety of topics, including vaginal dryness and a number of products that you can try to help you manage it.
You can download a copy of the booklet from our website, or place an order here and we'll send you a free copy in the mail.
If you're interested, BCNA also comissioned some research which investigated the sexual wellbeing experiences of women with breast cancer and health professionals. Not surprisingly we found that even though 89% of health professionals considered sexual wellbeing (including talking about stuff like vaginal dryness) to be a very important issue for women with breast cancer, only 33% of those who answered the survey said they always address this issue with women. You can read more here.
Feel free to order a few copies for your health professionals and hand it to them, which might help them to get the coversation started.
All the best,
Annie
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Hi there
I posted a lengthy reply earlier but now I see it seems to have disappeared into cyber space or I must have pushed the wrong thing lol x
I shall try again - so sorry to hear of your extra challenges - bc is challenge enough but based on what you have said - I am sure you will be thankful that you found this out before you were married. Good on you for finding you again !!! Goodness after this road - I think some all about me time is in order!!
I had mentioned the booklet but I see Annie has posted the link - even better.
I dont know if you have tried Replens - you can just buy it from the chemist - it is an internal vaginal moisturiser which they recommend you use every 3 days! I found it works pretty well. The other thing you can use is Astroglide - it is more of a lubricant but also helps . You can use these products together !!
There isnt really much discussion about this but I was chatting to a Mc Grath breast nurse about it and it seems more info is becoming available. There was also another cream I heard of but I cant remember the name - will try and find out again.
Breast cancer is the pits for all the attacks on feminity, missing boobs, no hair, body changes etc - but with a positive outlook and a few adjustments She is back hehe !!!
I hope that this helps a bit - definitely worth a try - I am not sure whether you are oestrogen + , there are some creams that have oestrogen component in it but are not recommended if the tumor was ER +.
Well lets hope I get this right and it comes through this time!!!
Everything of the best - and hope you continue to go from strength to strength. There is a lot of life to be living !!!!!! xxxxx
Debsx
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Hi there
I posted a lengthy reply earlier but now I see it seems to have disappeared into cyber space or I must have pushed the wrong thing lol x
I shall try again - so sorry to hear of your extra challenges - bc is challenge enough but based on what you have said - I am sure you will be thankful that you found this out before you were married. Good on you for finding you again !!! Goodness after this road - I think some all about me time is in order!!
I had mentioned the booklet but I see Annie has posted the link - even better.
I dont know if you have tried Replens - you can just buy it from the chemist - it is an internal vaginal moisturiser which they recommend you use every 3 days! I found it works pretty well. The other thing you can use is Astroglide - it is more of a lubricant but also helps . You can use these products together !!
There isnt really much discussion about this but I was chatting to a Mc Grath breast nurse about it and it seems more info is becoming available. There was also another cream I heard of but I cant remember the name - will try and find out again.
Breast cancer is the pits for all the attacks on feminity, missing boobs, no hair, body changes etc - but with a positive outlook and a few adjustments She is back hehe !!!
I hope that this helps a bit - definitely worth a try - I am not sure whether you are oestrogen + , there are some creams that have oestrogen component in it but are not recommended if the tumor was ER +.
Well lets hope I get this right and it comes through this time!!!
Everything of the best - and hope you continue to go from strength to strength. There is a lot of life to be living !!!!!! xxxxx
Debsx
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I am so glad you weeded your garden - so now you can have beauty, love and peace in your life.
Tough way to do it, out of every adversity comes the equal or greater seed for opportunity. Seems your adversity was most harsh, now its time to shine.
All the very best,
Maria333
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Thank you so much lanilumps71!! That is so sweet of you :-) You sound like a beautiful person.
Yes these experiences do take a bit out of you but also puts things into perspective. I think you get to learn more about yourself than anything else. As for the ones your with, true colours shine through eventually, its what you do with it that counts.
Thank you for your lovely message. It brightened my day!! Big hugs to you back. Everyone on this site is phenominal and I'm so glad it exists!
From strength to strength xx
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Hi Annie,
Yes I received the booklet a while back, it was very informative. I tried quite a few things it recomended and unfortonantly they didnt work. Replens especially blocked me up and I was excreting some nasty things for months after I stopped. It was pretty aweful really. There is Sylk lube that disintergrates within seconds and even tried Olive oil...ha ha that was funny...just made me crave a souvlaki lol...gotta laugh. It possibly also has to do with my parnter at the time and phycological impact this entire experience has had. I'm on monthly Zoladex implants so dryness is a side effect also.
I've recently spoken to a Gynocologist, (waited 3 months to see her), who burst into tears when she was asking my history. Turns out she had breast cancer and was diagnosed the same day as I was! Such a small world. The poor woman was having a bad day, she could barely utter a sentence, let alone recomend anything. Might have been a better thing to not have gone into work that day. Anyway managed to get an overdue papsmere out of the way and I walked away a bit diflated. Back to square one.
Thank you for your msg. This is why I'm putting it out here because I know other women are suffering from it, no one likes to talk about it...but the truth is, it exists, its frustrating its another hurdle we need to overcome and takes the spontinuity out of the bedroom. Surely there is a product that is hormone free and works with out wrecking the moment...he he.
HLV over & out :-)
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Thank you so much for you msg Deb, lol sorry you lost the first draft
Yes a few have told me about Astroglide I have to try it! I did some reasearch on it, apparently it's 10 times stronger than K-Y. Pretty good for a water base lube. Thank you so much!! I have tried Replens, it didnt work too well for me. If you find out about the other moisturiser please let me know. My tumors were ER + so oestrogen creams are a no no for me (bugger)
I'm so glad you have your mojo back! :-)
Thanks again for your help and good wishes.
Big hugs xo
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Thank you Maria333!
What a lovely saying..."Out of every adversity comes the equal or greater seed for opportunity". This is going straight on my postive affimation board. Yes its definately time to shine!
Everyone on BCNA has been so lovely and helpful. Makes the whole experience so much easier. I'm so greatful for this website..xxx
Take care and thank you again Maria, you made my day!
HLV :-)
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