Feeling jittery

jennywrenjennywren Member Posts: 111
edited March 2011 in Health and wellbeing

Has anyone got any good tips on coping with the fear we must all feel inside? I am trying hard to stay positive, but knowing my tumour was very large and 5/13 lymph nodes were infected, I am terrified for the future. I had a lumpectomy, but the margins weren't clear, so they are going to start chemo first ( I see the oncologist on Monday) and after chemo they will do a mastectomy. If it had been a small lump and they had got it all I would feel more positive, but I can't shake off this terror inside. My scans were clear which I know is a positive, but if anyone else has been in a similar position with a good outcome I would love to hear from you.

Comments

  • TonyaMTonyaM Member Posts: 2,562
    edited March 2015

    Hi Jenny,

    When I got my first breast cancer diagnosis in 2003 I was a nervous wreck.I had to ask the chemist for an over the counter pill to help me sleep.I also took to the red wine in the evening-and I don't usually drink! I had lumpectomy,full node clearance and radiation -all nodes were clear.Last year(7yrs on)it came back in the same breast,same spot would you believe -in the unlucky 8%. My body scans were clear so it shows that my cancer was"happy" to stay put in the breast for 7yrs and grow to 3cms! I have a work colleague who had b cancer and 4nodes positive 6years ago and she is 60yrs now, old working fulltime and fine. Your fear is of the unknown and lack of control.I find it helps when you can take a little control of your life .I read everything I could and prepared myself as best I could.Then you just have to hope for the best.Remind yourself that it's treatable if caught early and many women are living on.Cancer is no longer a death sentence,but more of an illness that you can be rid of or even live with.In the cancer world early breast cancer is the best one to have! Try to keep that perspective or you'll be down the gloom and doom road.

                                       luv Tonya xx

  • TonyaMTonyaM Member Posts: 2,562
    edited March 2015

    Hi Jenny,

    When I got my first breast cancer diagnosis in 2003 I was a nervous wreck.I had to ask the chemist for an over the counter pill to help me sleep.I also took to the red wine in the evening-and I don't usually drink! I had lumpectomy,full node clearance and radiation -all nodes were clear.Last year(7yrs on)it came back in the same breast,same spot would you believe -in the unlucky 8%. My body scans were clear so it shows that my cancer was"happy" to stay put in the breast for 7yrs and grow to 3cms! I have a work colleague who had b cancer and 4nodes positive 6years ago and she is 60yrs now, old working fulltime and fine. Your fear is of the unknown and lack of control.I find it helps when you can take a little control of your life .I read everything I could and prepared myself as best I could.Then you just have to hope for the best.Remind yourself that it's treatable if caught early and many women are living on.Cancer is no longer a death sentence,but more of an illness that you can be rid of or even live with.In the cancer world early breast cancer is the best one to have! Try to keep that perspective or you'll be down the gloom and doom road.

                                       luv Tonya xx

  • pinkcatpinkcat Member Posts: 6
    edited March 2015

    Hi Jenny

    I have to agree with what Kym says,I felt exactly as you are feeling,I was diagnosed in 2009 ,had a mastectomy,chemo.....  I cried at the drop of a hat,and had emotions i never new existed,..I had a fantastic breast care nurse,and a phsyco-oncologist to talk my fears through,Take each day as it comes,they will all be different,but i found the worst thing was not being in control of the situation,and not knowing what the future holds.. I am 2 years down the track and i still have my days where i am overwhelmed,but they are getting less and do your best to keep your chin up. Everything you are feeling is normal. Take extra care of yourself,you are what matters right now.

    good luck Jenny feel free to stay in touch

    cheers Jean x

  • jennywrenjennywren Member Posts: 111
    edited March 2015

    Thanks girls for all the advice. It is great to hear such positive stories from you. I try not to research too much for fear of reading something I don't want to read, but i am concentrating on getting my body fit and eating all the right foods etc. Another question I have is about work. What did you girls do? i don't know whether to take time off through all this or try to get back asap. Any thoughts?

  • TonyaMTonyaM Member Posts: 2,562
    edited March 2015

    It all depends on the type of work you do and how flexible your employer is. I took my sick leave plus some long service leave.That covered the chemo treatment. Personally,I just didn't want the added stress of not knowing whether I'd be ok or not.About 4wks after chemo ended I went back to work(part time).I felt it was important to get back to "normal".I like my job and work colleagues. I have a work friend who went through chemo and worked.She had an arrangement whereby she had 2wks off and 1wk on.I think she needed the money and didn't have alot of leave up her sleeve.She said it nearly killed her towards the end of treatment.She is a nurse and on her feet alot.

    Go with what feels right for you.But if you work,have a plan in place incase you are really crook.

                                              Tonya xx

  • TonyaMTonyaM Member Posts: 2,562
    edited March 2015

    It all depends on the type of work you do and how flexible your employer is. I took my sick leave plus some long service leave.That covered the chemo treatment. Personally,I just didn't want the added stress of not knowing whether I'd be ok or not.About 4wks after chemo ended I went back to work(part time).I felt it was important to get back to "normal".I like my job and work colleagues. I have a work friend who went through chemo and worked.She had an arrangement whereby she had 2wks off and 1wk on.I think she needed the money and didn't have alot of leave up her sleeve.She said it nearly killed her towards the end of treatment.She is a nurse and on her feet alot.

    Go with what feels right for you.But if you work,have a plan in place incase you are really crook.

                                              Tonya xx

  • jennywrenjennywren Member Posts: 111
    edited March 2015

    Thanks Tonya,

    I do have a fantastic support network at the Insurance Company I work for. I am a Claims Manager and my job is very stressful (look at all the natural events we have had lately!!) so they have advised me only to come back when I am ready. Luckily i just clocked 10 years so apart from some sick leave i also have some long service! I am taking 4 weeks now as the surgeon recommended this following the lumpectomy and I guess chemo will be due to start at the end of those 4 weeks, in 2 weeks time so it will depend how i feel. It seems a waste to use long service for this horrible illness but then again I am so lucky to have it!! A friend of mine worked through her chemo, but i guess it affects everyone differently, so only time will tell.

    Thanks again xx

  • pinkcatpinkcat Member Posts: 6
    edited March 2015

    Hi Jenny

    You have to do what works for you,I was not working at the time of my diagnosis,I had finished work 4 months before.. I took to walking,hitting the pavement with my ipod and listening to the music that i loved,I also had some relaxation and meditation cd's that i put on to it. I found it took me to "another place " so to speak,breathing the fresh air,smelling all the different smells,things that you take for granted every day.I also treated myself to a massage every 2 weeks.. Jenny you have to listen to what your body tells you.If you are fatigued after the chemo,rest.... I dont know if anyone else has said anything to you about a Diary,It was suggested to me to keep one,so i wrote daily,my thoughts and feelings,and who i saw and what i did on the day.

    I am glad i did,because i found it a great way to vent.

    Take care ,thinking of you positive vibes coming your way.

    cheers Jean x

     

  • pinkcatpinkcat Member Posts: 6
    edited March 2015

    Hi Jenny

    You have to do what works for you,I was not working at the time of my diagnosis,I had finished work 4 months before.. I took to walking,hitting the pavement with my ipod and listening to the music that i loved,I also had some relaxation and meditation cd's that i put on to it. I found it took me to "another place " so to speak,breathing the fresh air,smelling all the different smells,things that you take for granted every day.I also treated myself to a massage every 2 weeks.. Jenny you have to listen to what your body tells you.If you are fatigued after the chemo,rest.... I dont know if anyone else has said anything to you about a Diary,It was suggested to me to keep one,so i wrote daily,my thoughts and feelings,and who i saw and what i did on the day.

    I am glad i did,because i found it a great way to vent.

    Take care ,thinking of you positive vibes coming your way.

    cheers Jean x

     

  • pinkcatpinkcat Member Posts: 6
    edited March 2015

    Hi Jenny

    You have to do what works for you,I was not working at the time of my diagnosis,I had finished work 4 months before.. I took to walking,hitting the pavement with my ipod and listening to the music that i loved,I also had some relaxation and meditation cd's that i put on to it. I found it took me to "another place " so to speak,breathing the fresh air,smelling all the different smells,things that you take for granted every day.I also treated myself to a massage every 2 weeks.. Jenny you have to listen to what your body tells you.If you are fatigued after the chemo,rest.... I dont know if anyone else has said anything to you about a Diary,It was suggested to me to keep one,so i wrote daily,my thoughts and feelings,and who i saw and what i did on the day.

    I am glad i did,because i found it a great way to vent.

    Take care ,thinking of you positive vibes coming your way.

    cheers Jean x

     

  • jennywrenjennywren Member Posts: 111
    edited March 2015

    Thanks Pinkcat, I certainly won't go back to work if i don't feel ready. I see the oncologist today for the first time so should get an idea when chemo will start. It's weird, because I am not looking forward to it, yet I just want to get started so i can kill all those nasty cells that may be in my body! I have started a journal but not really kept it up to date, so maybe that is something I should do. We also got a puppy just before my diagnosis so rather than leave my husband to walk him, I will start doing that again!

    Thanks for the positive vibes x

  • traxx65traxx65 Member Posts: 252
    edited March 2015

    Hi Jenny,  It is a shocking feeling when all the doctors are pushing you this way and that and you just go with it because they are the professionals and what they say goes.  I found I couldn't actually speak to anyone without breaking down into tears when I was first diagnosed, and if anyone mentioned my kids, well the conversation was gone. 

    At the start I sat at the computer and typed everything I was feeling, how everyone else made me feel, things the doctors may have said, etc.  This really helped calm me down not totally but quite a bit.  I could say anything I wanted when I was on the computer and it didn't hurt anyones feelings or cause any problems for anyone.  When I was finished I saved it on a drive and put it aside till the next time.

    I was diagnosed advanced 5 1/2 years ago.  Secondary in  my sacrum. 3/7 of my lymph nodes were affected.  I still live a very active life.  I still work, I still do karate and tai chi and I play taxi driver to my 3 girls about 5 times a week at least.

    I can only tell you that the nerves will calm down eventually, but it will take time.  Once things start to settle down a bit and you are onto treatment, etc, you will feel a bit more in control.  It is all about the unknown at the moment and that is scary.

    I had new cancer found in my chest just before xmas.  I had my first chemo ever on 22/12/2010.  The whole thought of that was so scary.  I came home from my oncologists appointment and got straight onto this site and asked everything I wanted to know.  It was amazing how quickly people responded and informed me about their experiences.  You can't beat experience.  I will be having my 6th chemo Thursday of next week.  All up I will probably be having 8 so there will be another 2 after that.  It is a strange feeling about having it.  I was always so terrified of just the word and now, I find that I feel strong when I have it and each one is an achievement.

    I just want to wish you all the best.  Take care and if you ever feel like a chat, just log on and you will find someone ready with an answer.  All the best.

    Tracey

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