love is all around
Bjork really nailed it when she said that 'love is all around' and nothing has taught me that more than getting breast cancer. Funny isn't it how such a devastating situation can help you to see something so bleeding obvious.
When I was first diagnosed back in May I basically fell apart in a major way. I had always been very scared of getting breast cancer as I had vivid childhood memories of my grandma's own battle with it and now here I was facing my worst nightmare. What followed was an absolute whirlwind of emotional and physical pain, with everything happening so quickly that I didn't have time to process my feelings from one moment to the next. All the tests and scans and needles aside, what I struggled with the most was the emotional impact of having cancer - suddenly I was a complete wreck, crying all the time and unable to even say the word 'cancer' out loud. Telling my family was the hardest part of those first few days actually because all I could think about was how devastated they were going to be - I was in a new city by myself, away from my five sisters and my mum and my friends and all my well-established support networks - I knew that their hearts would be breaking for me and I didn't have any way to make it ok (which as the oldest sibling of six girls is clearly my job - believe me I take first child syndrome to a whole new level).
My family was amazing of course, we are a tight-knit unit and have got through worse stuff than this. Actually a word about family and friends here. Obviously it sucks to have cancer and to have to go through all the crap that goes along with it - I really wouldn't wish it upon anyone. But, I think the whole journey is so much worse for family and friends who have to watch the person they love go through all this crap and still put on a brave face for them - that takes a whole lot of strength and they don't even have the luxury of having a meltdown and blaming it on cancer (admittedly something that I did in the beginning with alarming frequency).
Anyway, once news of my diagnosis filtered down to my friends it began. A total outpouring of love. Not a day went by when I didn't receive phone calls, text messages, letters and cards in the post from all corners of the world, flowers, deliveries of all shapes and sizes from loving friends and family, I was completely inundated. Which was so beautiful and made me realise just how blessed I am with amazing relationships in my life.
But then, the most bizarre thing happened. I began to notice that total strangers were full of kindness and love too. Apart from the fact that I hung out at the hospital a lot it wasn't obvious yet that I was sick - I still had all my hair and the dark circles under my eyes were more like little smudges - but people seemed to go out of their way to be nice to me. Or, had they always done it and I just didn't notice until now? There are so many beautiful, kind people out there in this world it blows my mind a bit that it was cancer that brought me into contact with them. So, to all the lovely strangers that went out of their way to do something nice for me, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Love really is all around.