Anxiety

Sandybeach

Thank you for setting up this space where people like me can communicate without feeling judged as stupid. I had a severe panic attack yesterday that seemed to last forever and only got 2 hours sleep last night. Went to the doctor today and she has said that I need to call off the surgery for now until I'm able to feel safe about it.
I can't thank all the lovely people who have replied to my desperation blog last night. Am starting to feel better now. Valium is a wonderful thing to stop the shakes.

Deanne

I'm so sorry that you are feeling anxious about your situation but you are definitely not alone with that reaction. Many of us find it helpful to talk with others about what we are facing and feeling about it. Do you have a breast care nurse who you can talk to?

It is very sensible that your doctor is giving you more time to feel comfortable with your feelings about surgery. Remember that there are always choices and sometimes you need time to fully explore your options and feel more in control. Talkng to lots of people (on here, doctors and medical staff, family and friends) and reading other people's stories on here helped me to come to decisions that I was comfortable with for me.

Ask lots of questions (no one on here will think they are silly because most of us have probably asked them too at some stage). You are facing some pretty major changes to your body so take the time to feel ok (or as ok as possible, none of us really want any of this to be happening) about your choices.

Just to reassure you, I have now been living without my left breast for 16 months. I might do reconstruction in the future but for now I'm glad to have the cancer gone and I am enjoying life again and that is the main thing.

I'm glad that you have found this network and hope that it will help you as much as it has helped me. Take care. Deanne xxx

Sandybeach

Thank you so much for your kind and useful reply. I've found a GP who is helping me with coordination my psychiatrist, neurologist, my cancer surgeon and plastic surgeon. I've apparently been having panic attacks that I now understand that now understand are not my fault. Unfortunately help outside of my husband and daughter is limited for me. I think having to close my tutoring business has been more of a loss than I thought it would be. I derive a great deal of pleasure from it and look forward to working with my gorgeous young students.
Everything will work out OK in the end though.

Anita.geary

Life is certainly turned upside down upon diagnosis! I also experienced panic attacks as so many others appear also to have done. I have never had these previously and they made me feel totally out if control and terrified. Today is day 13 since my diagnosis and day 7 from surgery, I had all my lymph nodes removed from under my left arm and a significant amount if my left breast. The anxiety attacks have stopped but the fear has not gone away. I guess I am living with it a little bit better now and able to find more time in the days where I am not thinking about the 'what ifs'. This I take as a good thing, as everyone said it gets easier.

It does get easier, slowly but it does. I think we each need our own time frames to sort things in out heads. Unfortunately this is our own individual journeys which takes it's tole on our very basic psychological need of safety. Life itself feels as though it is ripped from us but as we process the information we are given, find our feet and take what control we can life again can be seen as concrete and in our hands. We are survivors no matter what our physical scars, and from what other women say about their journeys we also will be stronger and more focused emotionally on what is important.

A woman I know who is on the "other side" names us as 'gutsy thrivers' we are strong and we will be stronger. Use the women on here for support, I have and it has proved so important for me. I needed to know there are others who have been through exactly what I have and that they now are strong. If you like to send me a message at anytime, sometimes some encouraging words in the middle of an attack can take the edge off and help settle the fear.

Wishing you peace,

Anita

Sandybeach

Thankyou so much Anita. I'm starting to feel better now. Valium is a wonderful drug to stop the shaking etc. At least I have found a GP now who is supportive and helpful. My next step is to find some face to face support because my wider family support is limited and my dear husband and daughter are doing as much as they can, but its hard for them too. My sons live a long way away so the burden is solely my daughter and husband. Thank you so much for your encouragement. It has meant a lot to at least communicate with someone who cares. All the best.

Anita.geary

I believe that if you call the cancer council they can link you with someone local with similar expetiences to speak with. Additionally your breast care nurse may be able to do the same thing. Of course your GP can also link you to a psychologist or counsellor. X

Sandybeach

Thanks Anita. Unfortunately I don't have a breast care nurse with whom to communicate. However my GP has been very helpful. She has put me in contact with a psychologist. It's amazing how emotions creep up unexpectedly. Brings back such vivid memories of my mother and father both being diagnosed with cancer at the same time. Mum left us after 2 months and we had dad in a wheel chair at the funeral with doctors in attendance in case he didn't make it. He passed on 12 months later. I thought I had put it all behind me and it seems so long ago now, but emotions never seem to be logical. I'm going to ask a lot more questions before I consent to surgery this time. So glad I didn't go ahead with the surgery today. It would definitely not have been a wise move. Does the cancer council provide any support for husbands and children.

Deanne

What an uplifting post to read. I am so glad that you feel so much better about things now. None of us know what the heck we are doing when we are told 'you have breast cancer'. Getting good advice from as many people as possible definitely helps when we are trying to learn all we can about breast cancer, our particular situation and what decisions are the 'right' ones for us.

I hope that everything goes as well as it can with your surgery. Let us know how you go. Good luck and take care. Deanne xxx