When it is all too much!
Why is it that the problems and the hassles and the worries and pressures all come at once?
The last couple of weeks have brought so much stress into my life and problems for my loved ones that tear me apart, and I am feeling really lonely and despairing, wishing I had more to offer them, and utterly drained and alone myself.
What do you do to keep it together at times like this?
Comments
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Hi Jessica
Just expressing how you're feeling and being part of this network is a really helpful start to feeling more connected to others on this challenging journey through bc. We have all survived which is a powerful message in itself. It really does inspire a lot of hope and empathy to share experiences and realise you are not alone.
I'm a reflective person and journalling helped me empty out a lot of negative thoughts and accept that feeling vulnerable was OK. Seeing things written down made it easier for me to face some of my fears about bc - and helped me cope with making decisions about my treatment.
I also learned to adjust my expectations of myself and my relationships - and to celebrate my treatment milestones and my progress towards recovery.
Having a Cancer Connect buddy - through the Cancer Council Helpline (to chat with over the phone every now and then) was an unexpected blessing for me. She helped me talk honestly and openly about my worries so I could keep things in perspective and nurture my resilience. I also learned that it's OK to ask for, and accept, help especially when you need emotional support.
There may also be a BCNA support group or contact person in your area if you'd prefer to have some face-to-face contact or support at any time during your bc journey.
I hope you enjoy doing some writing and painting when you are feeling better.
Take good care of yourself.
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Hi Jessica
Just expressing how you're feeling and being part of this network is a really helpful start to feeling more connected to others on this challenging journey through bc. We have all survived which is a powerful message in itself. It really does inspire a lot of hope and empathy to share experiences and realise you are not alone.
I'm a reflective person and journalling helped me empty out a lot of negative thoughts and accept that feeling vulnerable was OK. Seeing things written down made it easier for me to face some of my fears about bc - and helped me cope with making decisions about my treatment.
I also learned to adjust my expectations of myself and my relationships - and to celebrate my treatment milestones and my progress towards recovery.
Having a Cancer Connect buddy - through the Cancer Council Helpline (to chat with over the phone every now and then) was an unexpected blessing for me. She helped me talk honestly and openly about my worries so I could keep things in perspective and nurture my resilience. I also learned that it's OK to ask for, and accept, help especially when you need emotional support.
There may also be a BCNA support group or contact person in your area if you'd prefer to have some face-to-face contact or support at any time during your bc journey.
I hope you enjoy doing some writing and painting when you are feeling better.
Take good care of yourself.
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So sorry to hear that you're feeling overwhelmed and stressed. When we are dealing with Breast Cancer we've got so much on our plates there's not a lot left over to deal with many more problems. My partner got ill with cardio myopathy in the middle of my chemo treatment and I honestly didn't know how to cope and it all got too much. I kept thinking what next? I went back to the 'one day at a time' mantra and it helped. Of course it didn't take our problems away, it just helped not to ponder on the long road ahead. We muddled through taking each day as it came. We have come out the other side now, dealing with our health issues as best we can. Have you tried getting help from a psychologist at the hospital where you are being treated? They can help put things in perspective. They can also give you ways of coping with things. As the other ladies said, occupying your mind can help matters. It's good that you can vent on this website, all of us understand what you are going through. It's not an easy road. Hope things improve for you and try to look after yourself as best you can, take care,
Hazel xx
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hi Jessica, your post so resonated with me, its a crazy world isn't it? It's never usually just the one things that challenges .. in my case it was two or three, sometimes i even stopped counting! I used to resist and feel why me? and what have i done to deserve this? when i looked for understanding i found no solace - when i gave up, and gave myself fully to the despair - it was as though i met my demons and there was nothing left - either to feel angry about, to rail against - just nothingness. And into the emptiness crept peace and, ultimatley serenity - nothing changed on the outside - my problems were still there but i experienced some sort of internal shift - in writing this, perhaps it was letting go of any expectations that i had put on myself. I'm not sure - i just felt a huge relief at giving myself permission to be me - however i showed up, it was as though angel wings embraced me and i felt comforted
i had a few mantras that helped me through my darkest days -
"this too will pass" - just like the good times don't last forever, so too the dark times pass
And similar to Hazel M, just taking one day at a time - although in my case i just followed the breadcrumbs of life - taking one step at a time,
We are all waliking this journey with you, coping as best we can, take care Jessica, with love and light
HazelB
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I think that the stresses just become too overwhelming at times and it can leave you feeling very lost. I found it incredibly hard to make decisions on every day things that I wouldn't have thought twice about before. The only thing I can say is be kind to yourself and be patient with yourself. As others have said writing it all down does help you put on paper the thoughts you'd find difficult to voice to loved ones, even if you tear it up later, it just helps to burst the feeling of pressure. Hang in there xx0
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see below..
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Comments from the other writers are helpful. I could have used some of those myself !
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Hi Mona, It is so helpful to hear about what you have found helpful, and I really appreciate you sharing your experience. My intense stress is just over the past fortnight really, so I may see how things pan out. Also, on a totally different topic, I wondered if you are still taking Aromase Inhibitors or Tamaxifen, or if you got away without having to? I saw your post about chemo not being recommended by your oncologist since you were E+ve, Pr+ve and H-ve, and only having to have a lumpectomy and radiotherapy (if one can ever say "only" about any breast cancer treatment regime!) and I was just wondering if you also had to take one of the hormone therapies, or if you were lucky enought not to even need that. How are you going now? Best wishes, Jessica
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I should mention that a friend invited me to join her at a lovely Breast Cancer PYNKS Support group last Saturday morning. Online there is mention of groups for both primary and secondary/metastatic cancer so I went along. Unfortunately (for me) I discovered that now this group is solely for women with metastatic cancer, so even though they were very welcoming with kind, accepting and supportive people, a professional coordinator and an excellent speaker, it's not going to work. My friend assumed my cancer was metastatic, and I assumed she knew it was primary when she invited me. Very disappointing.
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Hi Jessica
Thanks for sharing more about your situation.
Sounds like you are really doing the best you can to tune into your needs and meet them in positive ways. It's empowering to focus on the things you can control, one day at a time, and not get too distracted by worrying about too many "what if ...." possibilities.
Re : financial matters and other stress (that may seem out of control at times) - there may be some helpful ideas, info and links you can followup in the Beacon Archives. I have personally discovered lots of practical tips just browsing through this wonderful online resource. The stories and other content have provided me with some signposts on how to recognise and prioritise problems/stressors, then manage each one in its own time frame, with as much info, options and support I needed.
Keep looking for what you need - and sharing how you are going.
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