My journey
One year since last round of surgery. Never thought I'd feel good again, but slowly and surely I feel well again. The adjustment second time around has been jsut as difficult in a very different way. I expected it to come back, when it did I told myself I expected it so I should be OK. All were supportive etc. but I felt awful. Just wanted to be left alone, I know sounds scary, but not in a depressed way. I'm just tired of the conversation. "Thanks, yes I feel OK today", "Yes, I'm taking care". etc, etc. Not their fault, sometimes it seems it would be easier to be away. Anyway I know it sounds bad. I just wanted to feel what I felt without having to explain it. Anyway getting there, very little steps. One day at a time, sometimes I even forget it. Awesome!!
So I'm a survivor but the scars are there.
Maybe tomorrow will be even better... Goodnight.
Comments
-
Hi Pink59,
It's just as awful the second time around isn't it.I had a lumpectomy and radiation in 2003.So last year(7yrs later) I got it back in the same breast.I was in the unlucky 8%.This time I didn't want to tell everyone.People mean well but you do sick of saying I'm fine,really.While you wait for your hair to come in you still look like a chemo/cancer patient.I'm sick of being asked each week by my work colleagues"how's your hair coming along"?After 7mths of disguising my head creatively I must have earned a degree in head management.I too feel like escaping somewhere to be alone for awhile.
Tonya
0 -
Thanks Tonya, your journey has been harder than mine I had early breast cancer with no node involvement so opted for a Mastectomy. Didn't need the chemo & rads. Hope it gets easier each day for you as well. I found that I started making an effort on my appearance anyway just to prove I was OK. I didn't always succeed but I have bought a lot of new accesories. It makes me feel better to look good. It's interesting how being alone doesn't seem to be an option. I find that I can escape to the church around from work at lunchtime for a bit of quiet time. It is a very peaceful experience me alone with my thoughts and an opportunity to thank God for getting me through another day. I'm also working fulltime and getting back to "normal" seemed really improtant. Although I don't look at things the same anymore. I want to do a great job because I'm a bit of a perfectionist but I don't take it so seriously anymore. Goodluck finding peace.
0 -
Hi again,
Yes,my elderly mum went into overdrive with wanting to help.The first time(2003)she moved in and nearly drove me nuts.She'd be saying "o careful watch the drain"everytime I moved.I had to keep telling myself she means well. So last year I insisted I was fine cos my husband had just retired and could look after me well.Now I might add that in 2007 I broke my ankle badly and over the following 2yrs had 3 operations on it(2 were dodgy)which confined me to a wheel chair and crutches on and off.Mum had a hayday! I'm a very independant person and,like you,it was very important for me to get back to work as soon as possible.It somehow meant I was ok and returning to normality.I was ok about losing my breast but losing my hair from chemo was a blow to my confidence.Don't think I could face anymore surgery so will stay with my prosthesis.If I get cancer in the other breast then I might reconsider reconstruct.We are so lucky to have husbands who love us for who we are.Mine has been wonderful and I just want to be healthy now so we can travel and have fun.We have to brave up for our checkups but it is hard.Promise yourself a treat afterwards,that's what I do.
Tonya
0 -
thanks Tonya, it seems I'm not alone on the mother front... I will make the appointment tomorrow, I promise to treat myself. Last time I bought a lovely bracelet, it took me 6 months to pay it. I think this time I'll go easy. And only spend what is in my purse LOL Travelling is so good, even a short weekend away recharges the batteries. I'll have to plan for that. Have a good week..
0 -
thanks Tonya, it seems I'm not alone on the mother front... I will make the appointment tomorrow, I promise to treat myself. Last time I bought a lovely bracelet, it took me 6 months to pay it. I think this time I'll go easy. And only spend what is in my purse LOL Travelling is so good, even a short weekend away recharges the batteries. I'll have to plan for that. Have a good week..
0 -
Scans came back all clear so great news!! Now back to normal for another year. I've been to church thanked our Lord and continue my daily routine. Funny stuff this journey... all that stress!! I guess my friend is right it's a chronic illness we just deal with it in small chunks. God Bless to all in the train..
0 -
That's good news and now you can forget about it for another year.Those mammograms are hard to front up to aren't they.
Tonya xx
0 -
Well, that turned out to be a surprise. I had cording early on and thought once it went that would be it. Wrong. It can come back. I had the flu shot on my good (least affected) arm. Well that was Tuesday by Friday I couldn't touch the arm, the pain was intense. Did I get a shock!! SO it was Saturday and the weekend what was I going to do??, so I went and got a compression garment from a sport shop to get me through the weekend. Then tried to get a physio appointment. Good physios are booked out, so had to wait!! but now I have a sleeve to protect the arm and hopefully I'll get better at picking the signs. Off to physio for a few weeks and it should get back to normal. The arm doesn't swell really, it just gets these intense pain, how odd. I don't think people talk much about this and lymphatic massage is the key to keeping it under control. This is certainly a journey and I'm still learning. Keep well all, and pray for each survivor, I do!!
0 -
Well, that turned out to be a surprise. I had cording early on and thought once it went that would be it. Wrong. It can come back. I had the flu shot on my good (least affected) arm. Well that was Tuesday by Friday I couldn't touch the arm, the pain was intense. Did I get a shock!! SO it was Saturday and the weekend what was I going to do??, so I went and got a compression garment from a sport shop to get me through the weekend. Then tried to get a physio appointment. Good physios are booked out, so had to wait!! but now I have a sleeve to protect the arm and hopefully I'll get better at picking the signs. Off to physio for a few weeks and it should get back to normal. The arm doesn't swell really, it just gets these intense pain, how odd. I don't think people talk much about this and lymphatic massage is the key to keeping it under control. This is certainly a journey and I'm still learning. Keep well all, and pray for each survivor, I do!!
0
