Break from DR GOOGLE
Apologies as I have been absent from this forum for a while. Reason being, I've deliberately had to give my mind a break from all things cancer!
I must stress that I am not abandoning my fellow pink sisters. I just finished my treatment a couple of weeks ago and have been troubled with terrible anxiety. Feeling this way inevitably clouded my judgment and filled my head with irrational negative thoughts. In the beginning of our journey we strongly advised against consulting DR GOOGLE but I'm afraid I succumbed this after my treatment had finished. Bad idea! I know!
I began in updating myself with numerous statistics and theories. None of which were obtained by the recommended reputable websites. I just couldn't help myself; I was becoming immersed in all things cancer related. I felt merely deflated for the lack of closure at the end of my treatment. It annoyed me when family and friends were saying " Well that’s you all done now, onwards and upwards!" I would just smile back at them but inside my head be thinking how the hell do you know, there’s a chance it may come back. It felt extremely difficult to portray this positivity cheerleader facade. But what was the alternative? I'm going to constantly spend my days worrying about what might and might not happen? Devote my time looking for answers from DR GOOGLE that I may not get??? Hell no!
I needed to address this anxiety (apologies if it seems I’ve gone all Dr Phil on y'all :-) ) but this had been a pressing issue with me since I was a young child. I'm a natural worrier and get overly worked up over the slightest of things. Throughout the years I have attempted various methods to manage this, medication, counseling etc. However exercise was one of the things I found to be beneficial. It cleared my head and gave me a more positive and rational outlook. Prior to treatment I was a regular at my local gym, fit with long blonde hair past my shoulders. After treatment I was 7kg heavier sporting a light brown fluff ball.
I initially made the mistake of wearing my wig to my first fitness class. I lasted a whole 10 minutes before I resorted to ditching it in the locker of the change room. When I re-entered the room I looked down at my shoes and avoided eye contact with everyone and continued to do so until the end of the class. I didn’t want to see a look of pity on their faces. My friend assured me that no one had even bothered. I felt fantastic but a little stiff afterwards and I had the most incredible sleep that night.
I'm gradually introducing more exercise every week and my feeling of anxiety is decreasing. I have also given DR GOOGLE a well need rest and feel 100% better for it. I still feel anxious about the future as much as anyone but I’m trying not let these thoughts consume me.
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Comments
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It is hard to adjust at the end of treatment and work out how to live with the chance of recurrence. I love my exercise and as you say it definitely helps strengthen you mentally as well as physically. I don't think many people in my life really understand how hard it is to put treatment behind and get back to 'normal'. I do feel that my husband and daughters get it though and that helps enormously, as does sharing my thoughts with the ladies on here.
I am 3 months down the track and feeling better all the time. Having bc is a life changing experience but as one of the other ladies on here said recently:
Cancer may rob you of the blissful ignorance that tomorrow stretched forever but in exchange you are granted the vision to see each day as precious, a gift to be used wisely and richly. No one can take that away!
Take care. Deanne xxx0 -
Nice to see you back on here:) Exercise for me has always been important ,but since BC I have really realised just how many aspects of my life, exercise helps.I had my chemo at RPA in Sydney,and they are now strongly promoting the benefits of exercise during and after treatment.I am nearly 3 months past chemo,and I am exercising every day,with one days rest a week.I walk and ride each day,and I have started exercises that I got given at an exercise class at the hospital.I love it so much,that even when it rains,I still walk.It has become so important to me,and I feel better and better every day:) Good on you for making this change Gillian,and I am sure that you are going to go ahead now in leaps and bounds.Please continue to keep us informed as to how you are doing.Its great for others on here also,to hear positive stories about the benefits of exercise.Cheers Robyn.xoxo
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It is hard after treatment is over, for months on end we have had doctors appointments, treatment appointments and then nothing!
I think we sort of miss the activity, as I had family go through this previously my husband and I booked a holiday so that we had something else to focus on and of course we were running around like mad people up in the tropic's.
I feel that we each do what we have to to get by and thats ok.
Be proud of your brown fluff I am sure its gorgeous, my attitude to my ahir or lack of it changed dramatically through out the process I became grateful for the little bit I had in the end and now its thick and curly and I love it.
Take care lovely lady.
Donna
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Oooh, I've always wanted curls! You never Know it may happen. I'm actually going to lovely on sunny Scotland on Friday to see my family. Looking forward to seeing them all. I was fortunate that during my treatment they all took turns to come out and help me through my treatment. It will be great to see them altogether though.
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I always wanted curls too, I've had straight hair my whole life. From what I understand I won't keep these curls but I am rocking them whilst there here!
Enjoy your holiday.
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