nervous and lonely

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NatalieK
NatalieK Member Posts: 7 ✭
edited February 2014 in Health and wellbeing

Hi ladies. I havent written much about myself in the past because I felt i'd be fine with all this cancer stuff and just tough it out. Can't do it anymore. I've recently been reading about some of you and while it's awful what you are going through, I finally don't feel so alone. Even though i'm married and have a wonderful family, they have all "moved on" so I don't feel like I can talk about things.

A bone scan I had a few months ago showed I had uptake in my right hip and I have been having increasing pain in both hips. I was diagnosed with stage 2 grade 3 tnbc back in September 2011. I was 35. I see my surgeon tomorrow. How on earth am I going to get through today? Anyway, I feel better just getting that out. I know everyone else has their worries and fears but i'm just glad I was able to say it. Thankyou!

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  • Janey235
    Janey235 Member Posts: 1,206 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    I know exactly how you are feeling when you say that your family have moved on. I was diagnosed 20th Dec 2012 with two tumours, one TNBC and the other vertually triple positive ER, PR & HER2. I spent most of last year in treatment (chemo and Herceptin) and having surgery (double mastecomy and immediate recon) in September. Although the major treatment etc. has finished, I still have a bit to get through yet with Herceptin until May, checkups and Femara tablets for 5 years possibly 10. My family have all breathed a big sigh a relief that I am through the worst but only today I had a little melt down because I have just returned to work and I am overwhelmed with the changes and pressures that have come with that. Everyone thinks that I am normal again but I don't think that will be the case for a long time yet. I am also still not completely recovered from the surgery and I'm told that this may take at least 12 months. Even my work colleagues are saying, "Isn't it great that you are back to normal" and I just smile and agree. But it's really not okay yet. I'm hoping that once I settle in a bit I will find that things are not so daunting.

    As the ladies here have said, you are definitely not only and it's great to be able to chat to each other and know that we all understand.

    Sending a hug to you Natalie and hope you are doing okay today.

    Love Janey xxx

  • NatalieK
    NatalieK Member Posts: 7 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    I just want to say thankyou so much for taking time out of your day to listen to me and I got a bit emotional reading your kind expressions. It's just that i'm the one who holds everything together for everyone and thismorning when I woke up I just had a meltdown. Guess I am human after all haha. A million thankyous to you lovely ladies. I wish I had joined this 2 years ago. Love to you all. xxNatalie. (Ps. I'll be really glad when tomorrow is over!)

    Also, I think I sent this to you twice Janey. Sorry. I swear you have to be 14 to figure out computers!

  • mum2jj
    mum2jj Member Posts: 4,330 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    I was a bit like you. Once all the treatment was over it all finally hit me. It's so hard as Janey says when everyone thinks you are fine and you are anything but fine. I still hang on to that one day at a time mantra. I too am recovering from a prophylactic mastectomy and double recon and some days definitely better than others.
    Hope tomorrow ok for you.
    Sending you a hug.
    Paula x
  • mandycoop
    mandycoop Member Posts: 87
    edited March 2015
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    Hi Natalie
    I'm hoping yesterday went ok. Thinking of you xx
    Mandy
  • SoldierCrab
    SoldierCrab Member Posts: 3,446 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    Hi Natalie just wanted to say i am praying for you today as you see the Surgeon sometimes we dont realise that people are here to care for us. 

    If you need to rant debrief etc I am here for you 

    May the news be one that is not as bad as you expected. 

    Alice

     

  • Yoga nut
    Yoga nut Member Posts: 76 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    Hello Natalie ,
    Thinking of you today with your appointment ...I'm still early in this whole "trip" with my last chemo next week , but I worked for many years with BC women ... It's really difficult for anyone who has had a cancer diagnosis not to feel anxious about a cough, pain, headache etc . There is also a great deal of grief associated with a cancer diagnosis and surgery .....and grief is a sneaky bugger ; just when you think you're doing well and seem from the outside to be back to " normal " BAM !! It gets you from behind . As wonderful and supportive as our family and friends can be , sometimes it's good to unburden to someone completely removed . I do hope you're having a better day :) hugs Karen
  • Yoga nut
    Yoga nut Member Posts: 76 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    Hello Natalie ,
    Thinking of you today with your appointment ...I'm still early in this whole "trip" with my last chemo next week , but I worked for many years with BC women ... It's really difficult for anyone who has had a cancer diagnosis not to feel anxious about a cough, pain, headache etc . There is also a great deal of grief associated with a cancer diagnosis and surgery .....and grief is a sneaky bugger ; just when you think you're doing well and seem from the outside to be back to " normal " BAM !! It gets you from behind . As wonderful and supportive as our family and friends can be , sometimes it's good to unburden to someone completely removed . I do hope you're having a better day :) hugs Karen

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