LOSER

the Foxs lady

Thank you for sharing how you feel.

I cannot even begin to imagine what it would be like to go through this disease with young children (mine are all adults). 

I hate the terms "fight", "battle", "winning" and "losing" BUT most of all I hate being told that the "key" to my survival is to remain "positive".

I am so sick of hearing that.

It seems that everyone is scared of cancer....and they don't like being around someone who is struggling with anything whether it is depression or any other chronic illness.

This is a journey that you do with your very few people.....only the tough can stick out the intensity of this journey.  If you are fortunate, these people are the ones who meant the most to you before your cancer. 

The beauty of forums like this is that you can let it all out to us....and we will understand......sometimes it is not possible to let it out to your family as you are burdening them unnecessarily.

mona63

you have reminded me of Christopher hitchens--fantastic articles in vanity Fair and he wrote with such honesty and clarity about a range of things but what was so touching was his articles about his health --thankyou

adean

Hi Amanda , if being hard on yourself helps you go ahead because your giving yourself a good thrashing, it's so great to blog out the things that sit in our brain or the words we say to our mirror in our bathroom on this site with no guilt, and maybe that's what it really comes down to is our inner guilt, you are so right we all want that bit extra and it's not greed or anything it's just our natures, but you sweet lady have the guts to put it out there .and if you were in America l think your so great you would have your own reality show ha ha , (a dig at humour) I love kitchen table wisdom I always feel good when I read it, it seems to centre me when l need it. Don't be hard give yourself a hug at what great foundations you are laying down for your kids, and in the end that's what your trying to do, make great foundations so the building doesn't fall down. Love from adean

Amy

Hi Amanda

I know how you feel.  I have had many moments when I feel like I am letting my family down.  When we got married my husband and I envisaged growing old together, seeing our children grow up etc.  Now I have to try and focus on today but that isn't always easy.  My children have no idea just how ill I am - I don't want to spoil their childhood until I can't hide it any more.  I want them to have a carefree childhood like I did - sadly, this probably won't be the case as they will have to deal with death a lot sooner than I ever had to.  Until then, I will let them have their carefree days and I will keep going on dealing with each day as it comes. 

The whole belief that breast cancer is curable is very frustrating for those of us living with Stage 4 who know differently.

Keep your family and loved ones close - a life well lived, no matter its length, is definitely not a failure.

Amy xx

Leonie Moore

"Jim did not lose his battle - we just ran out of options"  This is the current ad with Jim Styene's wife.  He always came across as such a strong determined man - and I am sure he was.  Reality would assume that he had "bad days" as well.  He too had a young family that he was determined to not let go of.  During this bc journey I have encountered so many incredible amazing human beings.  It is difficult to comprehend how "they keep on trying to ...." so hard to put into words.  I am just "blown away" by the resilence, determination etc etc etc.  I know WHY but I am still blown away.  I am not going to say it breaks my heart....that's just so shallow and all about me.  I just can't fathom exactly WHY human beings have to "do" this challenge.  I have read loads of spiritual books and can only reason that "this is our learning for better things" .  It is hard to learn at the expense of loved ones though.  I have experienced and "learnt" so much from these special people (including YOU Amanda) that my head spins.  Some of us are teachers, some of us are followers, some of us "way above the lot".  You Amanda are in the last category who will never stop questioning. XLeonie

 

Leonie Moore

"Jim did not lose his battle - we just ran out of options"  This is the current ad with Jim Styene's wife.  He always came across as such a strong determined man - and I am sure he was.  Reality would assume that he had "bad days" as well.  He too had a young family that he was determined to not let go of.  During this bc journey I have encountered so many incredible amazing human beings.  It is difficult to comprehend how "they keep on trying to ...." so hard to put into words.  I am just "blown away" by the resilence, determination etc etc etc.  I know WHY but I am still blown away.  I am not going to say it breaks my heart....that's just so shallow and all about me.  I just can't fathom exactly WHY human beings have to "do" this challenge.  I have read loads of spiritual books and can only reason that "this is our learning for better things" .  It is hard to learn at the expense of loved ones though.  I have experienced and "learnt" so much from these special people (including YOU Amanda) that my head spins.  Some of us are teachers, some of us are followers, some of us "way above the lot".  You Amanda are in the last category who will never stop questioning. XLeonie

 

Josie13

Just catching up and this is a topic I feel strongly about. Kind people really can unintentionally just touch that nerve " the keeping positive" one. Truth is I don't feel positive about my cancer and leaving my loved ones. It's a cold hard truth the end will be hard! There is way too much airy fairy going on IMHO.