Guilty
Hi sisters and maybe brothers.
I was diagnosed in late July, mastectomy on August 21st and been recovering nicely since then. I am Oestrogen positive and about to start Tamoxifen. I am going to the surgeon today to find out my results on the HER2 test (which is taking forever to get back!!) so as yet still dont know about chemo.
I was due to return to work yesterday (After three weeks off) but have found that I just dont feel ready. I have been feeling super human actually but now after three weeks I feel a bit fragile emotionally and have been experiencing more pain than before.
I really want for a few more weeks from work, just to get my head together and to spend some loving kindness on my self. (Which I never do!!) I know that many of you have been through hell and back and I feel strangley guilty for needing this time off. I am usually Superwoman but I really feel this time would be so beneficial. Am I being a complete wooss?!
Comments
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Hi Dene,
No you are not a wooss. I have just finished 6 rounds of Chemotherapy on the 3rd Sept - it truly has been the hardest 6 months of my life. I have unfortunately suffered every side effect possible on chemo - it has totally affected every minute of my life, I truly do not know how people do work whilst undertaking chemo, from the day of my Chemo Infusion up till day 10/11 I just could not function -then you have from day 11/20 to try and recover before the next round, not an easy task - I have had huge issues with Thrush both orally and down stairs, I needed to take Fungasil for the oral thrush (believe me this side effect alone is horrendous) and now have shares in the Canesten company for the amount of tubes of cream that I have had to purchase over the past 6 months LOL!!!!!
Please be kind to you, if you feel you cannot cope with work then if finances allow ask your work if you can take some leave - I was working when I discovered I had Breast Cancer - I have taken time off on Medical Leave - I also have a beautiful boss who brings the office to me, it has on occassions kept me sane.
Never feel guilty for how you feel, being diagnosed with Breast Cancer is a big deal and a lot of information to take in, I have likened this journey to being a catapillar my diagnosis was my cocoon - my surgery on 8/10 will be my coming out of this cocoon to being a beautiful butterfly.
I have over the past 6 months cried, laughed, stressed, viewed my mortality, but I now see the light at the end of the tunnel - I am a fighter and will not let this insidious disease take me.
Take as much time as YOU need, it is you that is going through this - it is going to take a lot of YOU to fight the good fight - YOU need to do what is right for you to cope, bring your family along with this fight, involve your friends - do not do it alone, you will need the support - my friends and family have given me the strength to survive this journey, but at the same time they have also understood that sometimes I just needed to be on my own and look out for ME.
I have also taken this time to enjoy being artistic in how I wear head gear to cover my lovely bald head - I have tried everything and now just wear scarves and dress them up - I get compliments where ever I go - this alone makes me feel great.
I have a large network of friends on FB - I have now successfully gotten all my female friends to have Mammograms this alone has made this journey worthwhile.
YOU can do this Dene - you will survive.
Regards
Sharon
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Thanks for all your encouraging words. I guess my guilt arrises when I read all the stories (Yours included) and feel that although I have cancer (I like to say HAD) and a mastectomy I haven't suffered the way that you and others have. I may even escape chemo (find out in two hours!). So I feel less than for wanting to have so much time off. I all of a sudden feel the need to re-evaluate my life and this will take some alone time and certainly not a full on stressful job like mine. I keep judging myself for this as I am so used to being all things to all people.
I appreciate your thoughts and words and yes I will get through this to a better me!
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No you are deffinately not a woos. I have been off for 6 months and I honestly have neeed every minute of that time.
I worked through my first chemo and by the time my 2nd came around I just couldn't do it. The side effects were making it just too hard.
We each dowhat we must to get through this journey and if I have learnt anything its try to not compare yourself to others.
Take whatever time you need and heal the emotional you too.
Take care
Donna
Donna
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It is important no matter what treatment you may or may not have that you give yourself time to adjust to the idea that you have had Breast Cancer.
No matter what stage you are at diagnosis, having had BC is not like recovering from a routine illness or routine surgery. They can not really tell us what causes it so there is always the risk of recurrence or even a new cancer growing.
It is important to take the time to consider what you really want from life. You need time for your body to heal and time to think about what you might want to change about your life. If you go straight back to doing things exactly the same as you were before then what is to stop your body from having the same problem down the track.
Having cancer is a sign that your body is not handling what you are doing, so take time to nurture yourself and work out a new way forward to a healthy and happy life.
Hope your results are good, but know that Chemo or no Chemo you still need time to recover. You have no need to feel guilty, you need to do what is right for your future.
Deanne xx0 -
It is important no matter what treatment you may or may not have that you give yourself time to adjust to the idea that you have had Breast Cancer.
No matter what stage you are at diagnosis, having had BC is not like recovering from a routine illness or routine surgery. They can not really tell us what causes it so there is always the risk of recurrence or even a new cancer growing.
It is important to take the time to consider what you really want from life. You need time for your body to heal and time to think about what you might want to change about your life. If you go straight back to doing things exactly the same as you were before then what is to stop your body from having the same problem down the track.
Having cancer is a sign that your body is not handling what you are doing, so take time to nurture yourself and work out a new way forward to a healthy and happy life.
Hope your results are good, but know that Chemo or no Chemo you still need time to recover. You have no need to feel guilty, you need to do what is right for your future.
Deanne xx0 -
Hi dene, take it from me have the time of I thought getting back to work would make me feel normal, but I wish I'd taken more time of, as now my treatment is over im more flat than anything.I think you really need that look after yourself time. But we do what we think is right at the time , I now love my day of and love the weekends , just to sit. Regards adean0
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Hi dene, take it from me have the time of I thought getting back to work would make me feel normal, but I wish I'd taken more time of, as now my treatment is over im more flat than anything.I think you really need that look after yourself time. But we do what we think is right at the time , I now love my day of and love the weekends , just to sit. Regards adean0
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No you are not a wose. When I had my first mastectomy , I was really tired and needed physio after it for quite a while. It took me some time to recover. Three weeks is not enough.
Do not compare yourself with others everyone is different. Each journey we take is different. I did not have chemo or radiation, but was put on Tamoxifen and then Femara. You need this time for yourself.
Take care Debbie
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Hi there; i had surgery on the august 13 -lumpdectamy and lymph nodes removed- i think because you leave hospital the next day youthink 'not such a big deal' but im just coming out discomfort with the lymph node which really did make doing lots of things quite tricky. I have reduced my hours and walking more but also just having quite times reclining--resting or contemplating or adjusting to this illness.
im glad to have another woman not having chemotherapy--feels we are in the minority; may have to set up a little support group
i think this is a huge deal and ive said before-a physical and emotional roller coaster so im just respecting that -im doing radiation in mid october and then starting meds after that
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Hi there; i had surgery on the august 13 -lumpdectamy and lymph nodes removed- i think because you leave hospital the next day youthink 'not such a big deal' but im just coming out discomfort with the lymph node which really did make doing lots of things quite tricky. I have reduced my hours and walking more but also just having quite times reclining--resting or contemplating or adjusting to this illness.
im glad to have another woman not having chemotherapy--feels we are in the minority; may have to set up a little support group
i think this is a huge deal and ive said before-a physical and emotional roller coaster so im just respecting that -im doing radiation in mid october and then starting meds after that
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