Feeling alone & overwhelmed
Hi, I was diagnosed with breast cancer last year at age 42. My mother passed away from 2ndary breast cancer at 41. I had a tumour in my right breast & a suspicious area in my left. I opted to have a double mastectomy & reconstruction which involved 3 operations from march 2012 to end of November 2012. I also started hormone treatment, zoladex & Tamoxifen. Around September my partner informed me he was having doubts about our relationship. We had been together almost 2 years & living together for a year. I moved in with him & his daughters who he had half time. I asked him at the time if he wanted me to move out. He said no & wanted to support me through my last operation. He also sought some counseling at my suggestion. This added to my stress as he was telling me I'd changed & was not the person he fell in love with & that the last time he could remember being happy was when he was single. 2weeks before Xmas he told me he was leaning towards wanting to give it a go, so I began to feel some hope. Then 2 days before New Years he told me he no longer wanted to continue, he didn't love me & wanted me to move out. He said there was no rush, but I found myself spiraling into a pit of depression & anxiety & so my family moved me out. I didn't even get to say goodbye to his daughters whim id come to live. I have ended up back living with my father & ended up spending 5 weeks in a private psychiatric hospital trying to get back on track. I feel like I just start to get back on track & something else happens. I'd managed to get back to work 2 days/wk then found out my ex was already dating someone I know he met when we were still together. He said it didn't start until after but it was pretty quick & so much for his 'I just want to be single and life be easy'. This again heightened my depression. It's equally difficult as we work for the same organization but different sections. Just when I thought I was getting over him & back on track, I've just had to have my gallbladder out, had complications caused by the tamoxifen which required a small procedure & now come down with a virus while recovering from these ops. I feel like I can't cop an even break & am finding my anxiety rising again. I know I'm not alone & my family loves me, but it has just felt all so hard out of late. The vision I had of my light at the end of the tunnel was closed off by my ex. I want & need to get past this & have been getting ongoing psychiatric help, but it's so hard doing it alone.
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