Waves on the sand, waiting for the Tsunami...

Jak

My lovely mum found a lump in her right breast in Sept 2012. Wave no.1...


Mammogram/ ultrasound/ needle biopsy revealed the lump was cancerous and that she also had DCIS in the other breast. Wave no 2...


Appointment with the surgeon led to her decision to have a double mastectomy. Wave no.3...


The surgery found a total of 4 lumps - 20mm, 8mm on the right, 1 mm & .75mm on left as well as 25mm of DCIS on the left. All margins clear. All grade 3 tumours. 0/5 lymph node involvement on the right. 2/31 lymph nodes affected on the left. Wave no. 4...


Appointment with the oncologist last week, will lead to 6 rounds of TAC over the next 18 weeks, starting Friday week. Wave no. 5...


I love my mum dearly. We speak on the phone daily & see each other a couple of times a week. It's very strange to be talking about wig choice black finger nail polish all of a sudden...


She has been amazing throughout, I have not seen her shed a single tear so far. Whereas I am finding it a bit tricky to cope with it all on top of normal life (I work 4 days/ week and have a 6 yr old son & 3 yr old daugther) and am breaking down for a couple of days each time we reach a new stage in the process. I have booked into a psychologist attached to the oncology clinic to see if they can help.


Any tips on what I can do to help both of us cope with this next stage, which seems like waiting for a tsunami to hit? The side effects of TAC sound truly horrible (although mum got through surgery with only 4 panadol afterwards, so I am hoping she will get through TAC with as much ease).


Jenny

Jak

I should add she was triple negative on the right side & triple positive on the left side.  So much to remember in this strange, new world...

Mich x

Hi Jenny

BC is a whole new world that your mum, you and all your loved ones have found yourselves in.  I am sorry that you have had to be a part of this new world.  You have already made a very positive step towards helping yourself and your mum with coping by becoming apart of this website and putting your story forward.

There is so much to learn and as you say the waves just keep coming and sometimes you feel like your drowning but you manage to float to the surface again and carry on.  You just have to and keep going.

I am also wishing your mum a calm ocean while she goes through her chemo.  There is so much advice available through other peoples blogs as to what can help with side effects etc so it is worth spending some time browsing and learning and passing info on to your mum.

I am not sure what area you and your mum live in but I am wondering if there is a support group in your area that you and your mum could become a part of.  The Cancer Council, McGrath Foundation, breast nurses attached to the hospital where your mum had surgery - should be able to put you in touch with a support group contact.  Councillors through Cancer Council or the hospital will be a great help to you I am sure.

If you ask on this website through a post about support groups in your area there is sure to be someone that can help you.

I wish you well in finding some support.  I have always said it is hard for the person going through the treatment but it is just as tough if not tougher for the family and loved ones.

It sounds like you mum is a lucky lady to have such a wonderful caring daughter and I am sure you will be a great support for your mum.  You will need to be strong for her.

Wishing you well Jenny.

LOL, Mich xoxo

annz53

Hi Jenny,

So sad that you, your Mom and family are on this journey.

Just a couple of tips that helped me : (a) I chose not to google unless I did not find my answer on this site.  (b) One day at a time worked for me. (c) I ate something (ginger biscuit, muesli bar, fruit) every 2 hrs. (d) Drink, drink, drink 2litres a day. (e) I gargled 4 times a day to keep the mouth ulcers away. (f) Tried not to worry about the side effects 'cos I soon found out everybody is different and we don't get all of them.

Don't be afraid to ask a question 'cos someone will answer it for you.  Ann

Simone S

Hi Jak,

You have described perfectly how it feels when you or someone you love is diagnosed.  I'm 36 and I was diagnosed in May...and have kids a similar age to yours (mine are 5 and 2).  After having a mastectomy I had 4 rounds of chemo (Taxotere and Cycol..something!!) Even now I still don't know what the initials all mean!! lol!!  I am now having Hereceptin every 3 weeks and I take Tamoxifen.  I inititally felt I was getting kicked in the stomach each time I got test results and it can be very draining and very scary.  However, it does get easier to manage as time goes on and you have time to process what is happening.  

As for tips for your Mum...

Drink plenty of water the day before, during chemo and day after to flush it out.

Brush your teeth after each meal and gargle with warm salt water to help minimise any mouth infections

When she feels like eating...tell her to eat whatever she likes (for me it was chicken snitzel...which is even more crazy given that I couldn't even taste it!)

If your Mum has to have Hereceptin too (sounds like she was HER2 positive on one side) then consider getting a port put in before chemo starts.  This device goes under the skin, usually in your chest, but sometimes the arm, and gives the nurses direct access to your veins for treatment.  I didn't do at the start of chemo when it was offered because I couldn't face another procedure...but I wish I had of.  I had to have it done later on as the poor nurses just could not get a vein anywhere. 

A psychologist who has experience with cancer can be a great help.  I have been seeing one and she is amazing.

Try not to focus on all the side effects listed.  Instead, be prepared with things like a digital thermometer, soft too brush etc, but just go with it.  Everyone reacts differently.

Use the resources avaiable to you at the Hospital, through the Cancer Council etc.  They are fantastic.

This is advice for you and your Mum...cry when you want to and laugh too (becuase there will be some funny moments...it is inevitable when little ones are around...they really put things into perspective!)  Look after yourselves...try and get plently of rest but throw in some exercise when you can.  It sounds like you are doing an amazing job supporting your Mum, and if your experience is anything like mine, you and your family will come out the other side with a stronger bond that you never thought possible.

 Wishing you all the very best!

Jak

Thanks Simone. We do see the funny side of things occasionally... Like when mums new bra and boobs arrived in the mail...
The experience has made me far more aware of the prevalence of BC and just how difficult it must for women to be going through it at my stage of life, coping with work and juggling kids etc.
There's been no talk of what comes after TAC at this stage.
Mum goes to her chemo orientation in Monday, so will get her to ask about ports then.
Good luck with your ongoing treatment.
Jenny.

Jak

Thanks Daina. They are useful blogs. Jenny

Jak

Thanks Ann, thinking about doing up a chemo survival basket with a few things in. I will include some of your suggestions. Your point about the side effects is very valid. Jenny

Jak

Thanks Mich. I like the calm ocean analogy... I have done a lot of reading on this site & others. Trying to filter out bad news stories... Not sure about support groups at this point for the same reason. Might just stick with stuff online for now. It's just hard not knowing how mum will be affected. Jenny