how to stay positive on new diagnosis and journey

SamL890
SamL890 Member Posts: 3
Hi everyone, 
I am a bit of a stalker..reading everyones comments, stages, feelings etc..but I think I need to face realtiy and share my story too as I am finding it a little tough to stay focused and  positve.
I am 53, I went to my regular 2 year mammogram screening (15/8, a bit later than the text to remind me...like about 5 months) and I got a call back, a bit shocked but shrugged it off as "she'll be right" and took myself off to the call back (30/8). After the 3D mammogram, ultrasound, physical exam and then biopsy, I was a little concerned, no, I don't think I could say concerned, I felt more uncomfortable being there. But the day started with 6 ladies in the waiting room and went down to 2 of us by the end of the day.. but again..."pfff I'll be fine", I don't feel anything wrong!! 
Well, went back to the screening place 6/9, on my own...again thinking I'll be fine!!.. I got my results and was completely shocked...the nurse says, well Sam, you have what we call DCIS..and then as she talked I heard blah blah blah.
So off to my GP the next day to find a breast surgeon..."is this really happening to me"... and booked an appointment in 2 weeks 21/9. I went home and cried and then hopped on here and began my research. I am a practical person, I want to know my plan of attack so I can be in control...wow I am learning this is not the disease for plans or patience!!
Anyhow, met the surgeon 21/9, finally with my husband this time, and was booked in next week 26/9 to cut the area out and send it to pathology. 
Patholgy results 9 days later, 5/10, tells us I actually have invasive breast cancer...on a good point, it is small 1.4cm on a not so good point it is grade 3. So, back in for another Operation 10/10 to biopsy my lymph nodes and take another exision of my boob and off again to pathology, will get the results next week 19/10.
I just feel like I am trying to run through quicksand, I'm in no control, and every step I take forward to work out what we need to do, I seem to fall back 2 steps. Every time I am told only 5% get a bad result, only 1 in 20 get called back, usually 95% find the results are postive.... I am just over being in the minority, I am too scared to even think positive this time because I dont know how I get myself back up to fight this, whichever way it ends up going. 
I've read a lot of your stories and know I we all have different feelings and journeys, but to me I'm feeling quite lost and scared and I just can't focus, and that is just not who I am!!. I feel terrible that my business is suffering, my son is doing his HSC right now and this is such a disturbance for his studies, my husband has suffered from mental illness and I'm worried about his state of mind, and all the while my lymph node biopsy wound is bloody killing me!!
Well, I may get a wrap for writing too much, but I feel a bit better just putting it out there and I think I will cherish the knowledge that I am not alone here.

Comments

  • June1952
    June1952 Member Posts: 1,827
    Welcome @SamL890 - you have done the best thing in just putting it all in writing which in itself can relieve some of the diagnosis stress. 
    I know your screening place feeling all too well - all other ladies were sent one direction (one by one) and I was sent off to the other direction and waited - I had to sit and watch them head off home.  A bit worrying, to say the least.
    Try to take things one step at a time, let the system take over as happens once on this treadmill.  Try to have someone with you for all appointments as no doubt you will miss something.  Make lists of questions for your medical team and don't be afraid to insist on clear answers.  Be your own advocate.
    We all understand what you are going through so feel free to ask anything or simply vent.
    Thinking of you.  💖
  • Tarma
    Tarma Member Posts: 73
    @SamL890 & @LeeH Welcome 😊 and thankyou for sharing 

    Excellent advice from Afraser, as always.. 🩷

    This amazing group of woman will help make this crappy ride so much easier..

    Hope to hear from you again soon💌

    T. 🫶
  • jennyss
    jennyss Member Posts: 1,959
    Dear new friends @Tarma, @SamL890, @LeeH; and 'old friends' @Afraser and @June1952,

    from jennyss in Western NSW
  • HelenlovesSnoopy
    HelenlovesSnoopy Member Posts: 94
    Hi @SamL890, I don't have time to write much of a reply right now but just wanted to thank you for telling your story - I can relate to so much of what you said, particularly the surprise diagnosis at the callback, and the weird feeling one gets when you're one of the last ones there.  Sending you a big hug and the most helpful thing for me has been taking everything one step at a time and not looking too far ahead.  My surgery journey is done, I'm heading into chemo journey now.  I hope to hear soon that your surgery journey is done and dusted.  
  • Cindi
    Cindi Member Posts: 133
    Hi SamL890,

    I really understand how you're feeling and my heart goes out to you.

     I also found out recently that I have breast cancer, Lobular, in both breasts, it's such a shock.
    I'm going to see a plastic surgeon tomorrow about my operation to have double mastectomy, as I have no choice in this matter.

    But I'm slowly coming to terms with it all, especially with the help of the wonderful ladies here on this forum.

    You'll find the specialists will decide what's best for you, trust them, but ask questions and DEFINATELY take someone with you to support you and write answers etc. down.

    I know the waiting's SO hard, but the 19th will come, only 4 days to go, and whatever the result, try to remember, they have come a long way with breast cancers, and your specialist will know what to do, just go with it.

    I was in a bit of a turmoil about a double mastectomy but now, it can't come soon enough, and I'm even thinking I'll go "flat" , life's more important, I might get prosthetics to wear in a bra when I venture out,
    and whatever drugs I have to take or radiation, I'll face that when it comes.

    I see your on the central coast, not far from me, I'm in Sydney. I'm seeing a specialist at the Mater Hospital.

     Do you come down here? Or you seeing someone up there?

    Good luck and know you're NOT alone xx <3

  • SueD
    SueD Member Posts: 22
    It was great to read your stories since I have just been diagnosed and feel everything that you are feeling. I have just posted myself and it does calm me a bit reading about others journeys. It's also good to read the advise from others that are a bit further into their journeys. I am also a planner and now feel that I will not be planning much at all for a bit. We do really just need to trust in the professionals and go along for the ride I guess. I also hear what you are saying Kyles1 when you say that nothing is quick enough. Since I have found out I feel like I have an entity growing inside of me and I just want it gone - I swear I can feel it now (although that could just be the extreme bruising from the 4 core biopsies 😂 I had on Thursday). You have the mammogram and wait for results, then the ultrasound and they say come back in two days for the biopsy and then wait for results with drs visits in between. I know it hasn't been that long, but all the waiting feels unbearable. I do know there is so much more testing and waiting as well since I am only at the very beginning. I wish you all luck and hope to hear from you all again.
  • SamL890
    SamL890 Member Posts: 3
    WOW! Aren't we all a lovely bunch of new "bosom buddies" :)

    Thanks everyone so much for taking the time to write your comments and stories, it’s definitely a day at a time process isn’t it! My brother and his family came to visit yesterday and that has brightened my mind a bit, so today is a good day. I am learning to go with the flow and try just get on with my life while this is in the background...and I suppose that is the goal...keep it in the background (although a bit hard to do when its "breast cancer month" and every second ad on TV or radio is about it!!) But triggers are something I suppose we will live with for the rest of our lives.
    I wish you all good luck in your journeys and I will try my best to follow through this with you all together and bring my support for you all too. I'm not a very good forum person, I get a bit overwhelmed haha but I think the support here is amazing and if I've been given this path I may as well embrace and share with others together xx