This week

Cora

Hello everyone, last Monday had to have an aspiration due to swelling. Then Thursday morning had DCIS removed, they filled my breast with local anesthesic, went home after 5 hours. Pain started getting worse, then swelling. My so called partner just said take panadol & Celebrex. That didn't work. After a while the Pain was even worse & swelling had increased, so again I asked my so called partner to look at it. Again he said take medication & just rest. By now I'm feeling like a hypochondriac. Again I asked him to look at it and was told the same thing. Then he went to bed. I was stuck in the chair, the Pain was horrendous, the swelling had gone nearly to my collar bone, very hard. So I called Nurse on Call, she said go straight away to ER. I woke up my so called partner, told him I was in acute pain & distress & told him what the nurse said. His response "I can't drive you anywhere, I'm over 0.5. Then he rolled over & went back to sleep. I was shocked & crushed. I then had to call my brother at 11pm to take me to ER. Had secondary operation that afternoon. Told I had a massive bleed, have to stay in hospital a few more days, get a district nurse to come everyday. My last 2 days have been hell. Even though my breast/chest is still extremely sore, I am confused, hurt, angry, pissed off that this man couldn't give a shit. I now have a drainage tube. This man said the words " I love you, will stick by you, will be with you all the way. But it was all lies. Both the 2 surgeries & abandonment by my so called partner has upset me greatly. I told him over sms to move out for a week, so I can make a rash decision about what ever relationship we might have left. But I reckon it's over. He could have called either a  Dr or Ed but instead went to bed.

iserbrown

Thank goodness your Brother came to your rescue!  Vent away!
BC is serious shit, something lost on your partner.........

June1952

Hello @Cora. I am disgusted to hear your story but oh so relate to it  Thought this one might give you a giggle as you recover:



Thinking of you.  💖

Zoffiel

Gargh!!!
 I've never really understood the old saying 'sort the sheep from the goats'. What does that mean? Is a sheep better? A goat? I guess in your case it means you thought you had one and it looks like you had the other. 
Best to live without either, maybe?

arpie

@Cora - I am so sorry that you had to go thru this emotional & physical turmoil.  That is unforgivable behaviour by your ex partner ... Thank God your brother was able to get you to hospital & immediate treatment.  

Your personal safety is paramount ..... do you have someone else who could move in with you in the mean time, both for company & in case of another emergency, as you may not be able to function properly on your own just yet until you've fully healed? xx

take care & all the best 

Cath62

Hi @Cora, so sorry you have had this terrible week. Breast cancer is hard enough. Surround yourself with people who really support you and care for you. This is a tough gig and very emotional. I hope you are less sore and you are healing physically.  Sometimes it's good to chat to a counsellor to help process everything. Many of us have done that to help us get through treatment. It may be a good idea for you. Something to consider given the big emotional issues you are facing. I am sure the hospital would be able to guide you on that. Take care 💐

StrongCoffee

Big hugs, what a tough week but it sounds like your decision is already made (and rightly so!) as that is just appalling behaviour. Please don't let any level of love bombing apologies/excuses from him in the coming days sway you.

If I may I make an observation/ask a question - please ignore if you are not in the headspace for this. However your deference to your partner's medical advice over your own instinct (until things got really bad) suggest to me that there was already a major imbalance in your relationship. His advice was, in short, terrible. I am assuming he is not a doctor, but am happy to be corrected. Was the celebrex prescribed to you for post-op pain relief?

iserbrown

Cora

He apolized profusely & told me he f...... up. We cleared the air. Am I stupid, is this like wife bashing syndrome, but in a different way. The hospital gave me valium before he arrived, which helped
 I feel somewhat better, but the breast pain is horrendous. Can anyone give me information about in home Nursing. Or District Nursing. I can't even wash my hair because I'm not suppose to get the dressing wet. I was booked into the hairdresser tomorrow for a shampoo only, but will have to wait & see. Thankyou everyone for your support, it's been a trying time. 

Locksley

@cora sorry you are not receiving the support you need from your partner.   Only you know if his behaviour is a one off out of character or repeat occurrence with many excuses for each time.  Put your needs first.  Push away any flickers of guilt you may have been experiencing.   You deserve to be taken care off.

You don't say what state or suburb you are in on your profile.  Touch base with your council or community centre for home help / district nursing.   If you are still in hospital the hospital social worker may be able to helpyou.  Reach out to your breast care nurse as well. 

Sending you positive thoughts.  Be brave.  Don't put up with any shit.  

Cora

Thankyou Locksley

arpie

Maybe chat with the BCNA helpline too @Cora.   1800 500 258
 - as that type of behaviour really IS a type of domestic abuse ..... coercive control is being added to the list of unacceptable violence in the home - and will hopefully pass into law very soon .... 



You were ill - and as your partner, his first concern should have been for your health & safety.  Even if he couldn't take you as he thought he was over 0.5 - he still should have for arranged someone else to take you, then & there.  That's what a concerned partner would do.  Either that, or he should have called an ambulance!

I hope that the hospital gave you strong enough meds to control any pain - if you are still in pain, maybe contact your GP for interim stronger meds.  Don't forget to eat with some of them too ... as they may affect your stomach if you have them for a sustained period of time.

Please follow up on @Locksley's suggestions .... re the Breast Care Nurse & Social Worker/District Nursing .... they should be able to help you too.

take care & do what is right for YOU xx

Julez1958

Hi @Cora
I am so sorry to hear about your partner not stepping up as required.
I found that my husband really helped me through the whole  shitfest  that is cancer - just as I would have helped him.
we were married and had actually made the “ in sickness and in health”vow but it doesn’t really matter - if someone really loves you they should be there to support you.
I am a person who has always been very resilient but when I got my diagnosis I went to pieces and my GP actually referred me to a psychologist - I found a couple of sessions with her very helpful - maybe that’s something you could consider.
sending you virtual hugs.
🌺

cranky_granny

Hi @Cora. That was not a very good show of love and care. My first experience with cancer way back 35 years ago my husband didn’t handle it too well. Not exactly the same and totally out of character. With the help of our GP. He was given the choice front up or get out. He came and got the help we both needed. He was hiding from the big C word, because his actions were so out of norm it was forgivable.
Words are one thing but without actions they can mean nothing

You have to put yourself as a priority. 

I hope things improve for you. 

Sadly my hubby had passed before i was diagnosed but I surrounded myself with people that cared. During this whole sh*t ride i have found the people that are with me all the way. Including in that is BCNA network The advise on here has been invaluable. 🫂🤗

Cora

Thank you