What it feels like to finish treatment - the aftermath - add your experience
MicheleR
Member Posts: 352 ✭
Hi,
A few people have recently finished treatment or hit the 1 year mark. It might be helpful for others to get a glimpse of the range of experiences that people are currently and have previously had post active treatment. Im not talking symptoms but experiences, emotions and reflections.
What do you think?
Ill start this off. Noting the recent comments by others which i cant work out how to link
----
I feel a bit like ive been reincarnated like a baby. I have all my past experiences behind me and im a little amazed that ive completed a bunch of difficult things, like chemo, but im also blinky freshly at the world, excited, interested and joyful at experiences. On the other side of this i am a little unsure of myself and how to look after myself.
Ive been proactive in getting help. Im lucky enough to have access to a dietician, exercise pysiologists and if i want psychologists. Ive had good experiences with my surgeon and oncologists. I trust my gps. None of these people, fortunately, have had cancer, their view of it is second hand. Not many people, family and friends have had cancer, thankfully, a few of them know others who have had it.
Only you guys will get what i and others have experienced properly and most of us are not healthcare professionals.
So ive stumbled out and thought well id better try and get myself in better shape. Im probably 20kg over my ideal weight for ideal bmi. Ive really got no idea how to do this. My old me would have tried couch to 5k or something, probably unsuccessfully. I go to a cancer service '"gym" twice a week and havent lost any weight. Last week there was a new physio and she corrected my technique and now i hurt. So how hard can you push it when you have just had cancer treatment? Noone seems to really know how long you are immune compromised for. I dont know. Should i manage myself with kid gloves or should i push hard given ive just had extreme treatments?
My dietician doesnt want me to diet and suggested intuitive eating. Seems kind of reasonable except intuitively i eat for all kinds or reason other than hunger! I eat a lot more fruit than i used to and much less processed food.
Overall physically, i feel quite good even on the hormone blockers. Ive been walking sort of 4km on sundays and about 2km each day weekly. During chemo sometimes i couldnt do it all and was endlessly breathless. Its a real joy to be able to walk and even if it hurts i take pleasure in it.
Im kind of picking up other things in my life. Im back at work. Ive stepped back more fully into family life and looked around and went oh. There are things to do. Ive even started to climb the everest of housework.
Things, priorities look different.
A few people have recently finished treatment or hit the 1 year mark. It might be helpful for others to get a glimpse of the range of experiences that people are currently and have previously had post active treatment. Im not talking symptoms but experiences, emotions and reflections.
What do you think?
Ill start this off. Noting the recent comments by others which i cant work out how to link
----
I feel a bit like ive been reincarnated like a baby. I have all my past experiences behind me and im a little amazed that ive completed a bunch of difficult things, like chemo, but im also blinky freshly at the world, excited, interested and joyful at experiences. On the other side of this i am a little unsure of myself and how to look after myself.
Ive been proactive in getting help. Im lucky enough to have access to a dietician, exercise pysiologists and if i want psychologists. Ive had good experiences with my surgeon and oncologists. I trust my gps. None of these people, fortunately, have had cancer, their view of it is second hand. Not many people, family and friends have had cancer, thankfully, a few of them know others who have had it.
Only you guys will get what i and others have experienced properly and most of us are not healthcare professionals.
So ive stumbled out and thought well id better try and get myself in better shape. Im probably 20kg over my ideal weight for ideal bmi. Ive really got no idea how to do this. My old me would have tried couch to 5k or something, probably unsuccessfully. I go to a cancer service '"gym" twice a week and havent lost any weight. Last week there was a new physio and she corrected my technique and now i hurt. So how hard can you push it when you have just had cancer treatment? Noone seems to really know how long you are immune compromised for. I dont know. Should i manage myself with kid gloves or should i push hard given ive just had extreme treatments?
My dietician doesnt want me to diet and suggested intuitive eating. Seems kind of reasonable except intuitively i eat for all kinds or reason other than hunger! I eat a lot more fruit than i used to and much less processed food.
Overall physically, i feel quite good even on the hormone blockers. Ive been walking sort of 4km on sundays and about 2km each day weekly. During chemo sometimes i couldnt do it all and was endlessly breathless. Its a real joy to be able to walk and even if it hurts i take pleasure in it.
Im kind of picking up other things in my life. Im back at work. Ive stepped back more fully into family life and looked around and went oh. There are things to do. Ive even started to climb the everest of housework.
Things, priorities look different.
Tagged:
4
Comments
-
Hi @MicheleR,
I wrote a post the other day about how I am post treatment. It was titled ' One Year since the diagnosis feeling strong and well'. I am feeling joyful and excited about the cancer gone and treatment finished. I am on tamoxifen.
I will be 59 in June and this is the fitest I have been in years. I would love to loose 5 kgs but nothing is happening there. I walk 5 days a week and walk about 4/5 km. I go to pilates once a week and water aerobics once a week.
I get tired and have a rest in the afternoons if I need it. I have good support at home and my husband and I are retired now. I eat a balanced diet and sometimes have wine.
I am about to have my first grandchild and will help with them sometimes. I get out and about with friends. I practice mindfulness. Prior to breast cancer I was a big stress or and really didn't handle it well. I have changed that and work on it daily.
I think I was lucky not to have lots of set backs or side effects with my treatment. I have had alot of serious health issues but for some reason I heal well which is good given my medical history. You would need several days to read about it 😀.
I have friends who have not been as well post treatment. I think we are all different and our experiences are very different as are our recoveries. It sounds like you are doing great. Keep going.
4 -
It’s been a while since I was one year out (hooray!) but the following:
* I changed my job. I had worked through treatment and was grateful for the support I received but the time was right for a new challenge. And a switch to a four day week!
* I joined a gym.
* I planned my next overseas trip.
In the intervening years, I have travelled a lot, become a grandmother (two grandsons), joined a choir, I am going back to gym after a long COVID absence, lost my mother but was able to be with her and support her, taken long service leave and retired. I am a happy, calmer, rich (in experiences) person. Wouldn’t have missed it for quids.
5 -
I have and are blessed to have great family and friends.
I took the year off work, using Income Protection Insurance. Diagnosed February, finished Radiotherapy in October 2020.
My year of Mastectomy, Chemo and Radiotherapy, was easier than I expected. Nothing like in the movies.
I had a some side effects, all bearable. I feel like I got off lightly, compared many.
My hair thinned, using Cold Cap, but happy with the result.
I'm happy to be having my hair coloured and shaped again.
There are some short hairs(my chemo hairs) that don't blend well, but will eventually.
I feel like my life was paused, and is now normal. I try not to dwell on my year of treatment, 2020
So far I am tolerating Letrazole, and will be on it for the next 5-10years.
I am optimistic and realistic.
3 -
Great post Michele 👌🏻. I’d been thinking about starting something like this for ages, but was too tired, busy etc, so I’m glad you did it.Well, I think I feel a bit like you, in terms of feeling like a baby. Like I’ve been given a chance to finally sort through all that emotional abuse and trauma I’ve acquired over the years. A lot of that I thought was normal, such as being abused physically by my dad as a kid, cos everyone from the Balkans is. And not receiving emotional support, which is also not much of a thing back there. If you’re unhappy about smth, you get slapped and that’s somehow supposed to make things ok. As long as your parents are feeding, schooling and clothing you, they’re doing a good job. I explained a lot of this stuff to a psychologist just before I started radio, and from her constant head shaking I realised most of that was actually not normal, and extremely traumatising, so then a lot of things suddenly made sense. It was a MASSIVE relief to have someone acknowledge that, and to understand that I did need to deal with it, it wasn’t my fault, and it didn’t mean I was crazy. And I also realised that I had a lot more to sort through than I was aware of. A whole lot more. Add to that a narcissistic sister and ex, and then I wasn’t very surprised at all about the b ca tbh. I’d been suppressing very strong emotions for most of my life, emotions that should’ve been released long before that. One reason I didn’t release them though is cos whenever I tried, I was shut down by whoever was on the receiving end. Friends I have found, aren’t always very patient listeners. They prefer to tell, rather than listen. I’ve been told numerous times that I’m a good listener, but somehow I don’t get the same in return. Family tended to tell me I’m loud and complaining a lot, so I learnt to bottle things. Mind you, family that were just as loud and complained a lot more. So, I finally released a lot of my pent up fears and traumas to my new psychologist, and that’s where the feeling like a baby comes in. Things suddenly seemed new, different. There was a much better and simpler way of solving problems, without being accused of being loud, of complaining too much, being made to feel guilty and ungrateful etc. Just a safe space for me to express fears and concerns, and not be judged at all. What a freeing experience. Now I understand I’m not those things I was accused of. It’s the people who were accusing me that were. I understand people are hurt and traumatised themselves, and so they act out and hurt others. I understood this before too, but now it’s a lot clearer. That makes me a lot more patient when dealing with others’ accusations, judgements etc cos I don’t take it personally anymore. That in turn means I stress a lot less. I’m not as emotional as I used to be. I can separate my emotions from the actions a lot better. I’m not afraid to say what I think and feel, which I wasn’t before either, but I was somewhat afraid I’d lose people if I did. Now I’m not. The right people will understand why I’m saying it and stay, and appreciate it. The wrong ones will leave, and I’m satisfied with that. I’m into quality, not quantity.Also, I used to be overly OCD. Always worrying about keeping the house clean, tidy etc. Being careful with what I say, always apologising to not offend ppl. Now I don’t care so much. If the place gets a bit dirty and stays like that for a while, I don’t care. It’s building immunity 😆. And I’ve stopped caring about what I say, cos as I said, the right ppl won’t get offended, especially when there’s nothing to be offended by (but in my head there was). Working on my self confidence, bit by bit. All this takes time, but there’s so much more progress than before the b ca, so I’m very thankful I finally starting making these changes.
In terms of the ca itself, I don’t think of it as evil attacking my body, or my boobs turning on me. My body would never turn against me. It was actually my body’s way of saying it needed a break. I strongly believe emotions and psychological health are connected to our physical and have a big impact. So all those traumas and fears, kept inside for so long, were finally too much to handle. My body was telling me it was in pain from it all, and needed them out. So out they came. Along with those, was the fact that I was overworking myself, both at work and at home, and not taking a break. I felt guilty even taking one day off work when I was genuinely unwell (I worked all through my pregnancy, and had a bad cold in my 9th month for about 2 weeks, still went to work 🤦🏼♀️). This is what society has done to us. Made us believe it’s normal to push ourselves to the point of a nervous breakdown, all for the good of I don’t know who. A company that would never appreciate me the way I deserve. That would make me feel I have to be grateful for the opportunity to be overworked by them. That’s why now I’m very happily unemployed. I don’t have a lot of money, but I make do with what I have. I’ve found I’m resourceful 😊. So I am taking much deserved time for myself, with no guilt at all. None whatsoever. It took about 20 years, but I’m there 😁. Able to give myself the care and love and respect I gave to everyone else instead for so long. So instead of being angry at my body for ‘giving me the ca”, I’ve said sorry to it for abusing it soooo long in so many ways, and I promise it that I’ll look after it a lot better. It’s beautiful and it serves me well 💖. So I’ve also stopped the negative self talk. No more ‘omg my legs are too fat! So much cellulite!’. Now it’s ‘gee my legs are so wonderful. They carry me everywhere and don’t even complain. And they don’t look too bad either.’ Things like that. My body works hard for me, but I need to show it the appreciation it deserves, and for too long I didn’t. So now I am, because I hope it will serve me for many many many more years to come 🍀. The ‘evil’ is what has come from the outside, stored where it shouldn’t have been, not from the inside. Our bodies are love, there’s no evil there.Apart from feeling like a baby, I also feel like as elderly woman 😆. B ca makes us wise 😂.For a few years before diagnosis I was depressed. I couldn’t feel happiness. I was quite worried by that. Now, I feel magic in a lot of things. I’ll be driving somewhere, and I get weird feelings of beauty and happiness and a buzz of excitement. It’s weird and very hard to explain, but it’s A LOT better than the emptiness I felt before.Anyway, I bet you regret starting this post 😆🤣. I really am quite philosophical after midnight 😄. I won’t apologise for the long post 😆, people don’t have to read it if they don’t want. I hope it’s helpful to whoever does 😊🥰♥️.M Xxx5 -
Hi @Flclover,
Dont apologise. Its good to hear your thoughts about everything. It is hard for people to hear difficult things. Just look at cancer! It sounds like you are on the right path now and are healing in more ways than after cancer. Some of us will take inportant lessons away for ourselves. I join you in understanding not to overwork, to understand that what I was doing before didnt work for me and a slow down was required to reassess. Think we have had that conversation once before and it is important. Dont put yourself last.
As @Afraser said to me before it is a gift to be able to live in the moment.
M x1 -
Thanks @MicheleR 🙂.We’ve definitely had this conversation before, and it’s very important to remember not to overwork ourselves, and to not put ourselves last. We’re too important to put last. Old habits are hard to remove though 😄, so attention must be paid 😁.And yes, another very important point that I didn’t mention 👆🏻, that @Afraser pointed out so well: to live in and appreciate the moment. SO important! Very unnecessary stress living in the past, and even more unnecessary to worry about a future no one can control. Best lesson ever 👌🏻👏🏻. Mindfulness ♥️2
-
Thanks @MicheleR for getting this thread going. When I was first diagnosed in 2019, I was looking for the stories of others who had gone before me and made it through - I desperately needed to know that it was possible. I am also loving hearing how everyone is doing now.
I went on leave immediately from my teaching job when I was diagnosed as the oncologist was worried about infection. Little did we know that a global pandemic was about to kick off!
I had neoadjuvent chemo - a total of 16 and I made it through pretty well. As was said somewhere on this forum, it was grotty but doable. I tried to save my hair with a cold cap, but sadly I was one it didn’t work for, but I always recommend that people try it as you never know what your experience will be.
Like everything with this crazy train ride, we all have individual experiences. I learned to take it one treatment at a time and not to get too far ahead of myself.
I then had a BMX with expanders. I had the implants put in December 2020. I did a gradual return to work in September of 2020 and I am so thankful I started back gradually. I am very happy with my reconstruction.
BC caused me to do an audit of my life. One thing I always knew, I loved my life and I didn’t need cancer to do prove that. However, I now have a much deeper appreciation of a lot of things. One of those things is how life changes in an instant.
I definitely felt my life got put on pause for 2020, but now I have pressed play again.
It’s 12 months since I finished chemo and I am hanging out with my family - like I always did, I am back at work, doing what I love. My hair has grown and no one who doesn’t know me would ever know what the last 12 months have entailed. Of course I am on hormone blockers and that has its own set of issues, but I am just so happy to be out the other end and back into my world. Things just seem a lot glossier now.
@Afraser, you were one of those people on the other end of the keyboard who told me I could do it and here I am, 12 months on! Thank you! I hope that I can give back in the same way you helped me.
When I had chemo, I just imagined the drugs were pulling out the weeds so that the flowers could grow and flourish.
There is a really simple truth about living in the present and that is what I try to do. As the saying goes - worrying doesn’t take away tomorrow’s troubles. It steals today’s peace.4
