Devastated

Kats162

This is the first time I've posted anything but I don't know who else to turn to. I initially had early breast cancer June 2010, treated with lumpectomy, lymph node clearance left arm,chemo and radiation. Took tamoxifan for 6 years. Got to my 5 years and me and everyone else went "woohoo!!". Planned the rest of my life with my loving husband and two wonderful sons. 
Then a month ago I got sick whilst on holiday overseas. Came back home to a battery of tests..the PET scan shows mets in lymph nodes and bones. This wasn't supposed to happen!! I  start agressive chemo next week knowing now that I will be lucky to survive 5 years. I am 61. I  just don't know what to do, my family and friends of course are supportive but I can't get through these dark feelings of despair. 
Does anyone have advice??

Blossom1961

Hi @kats162 This is a good place to turn to. And a great place when you need to vent. I am not sure who gave you the five year timeline but they were wrong. No one knows. I met a lady who was diagnosed with stage four Mets in her bones eleven years ago. Yes she needs treatment every three weeks, but she is otherwise healthy and shows no sign of giving in. They can manage these things and our bodies are what gives us the timeline, not some medico or textbook. Breathe deeply, keep yourself occupied until chemo starts and during if you start feeling overwhelmed. Join the metastatic group here and they can give you extra support. In the meantime, I am sending big hugs your way (cause I am a hugger) xxxx All the best. Keep coming here either to watch or vent or share.

Zoffiel

Hi @Kats162.
This is such a sneak lurking shit of a disease. Mine came back after 10 years NED though, thankfully, it appeared to be confined to my armpit (where it had set up camp with great authority)

My situation is not comparable to yours, local recurrence is not the same as metastatic disease.  Thing is, even though my life was pretty good, I wasn't surprised. I felt like I had spent 10 years waiting for the news it was still after me. I know it is still there. It was still there last time I thought I was free. I find that quite challenging because all I can do is wait until the next time.

The cancer was likely to always have been present, just hanging around in the background. Mongrelling stuff that it is. Now you know where it is, you can have a red hot go at keeping it in its box.  That's probably pretty trite advice, but this shit can drive you mad, which will make a bigger impact on your life in the short term than the disease is likely to. 

Good luck with the treatment next week. It's tough walking back in those doors when you know what is on the other side. You are stronger than you think, and you will find your own way through this. Mxx

Sister

Sorry to hear this @Kats162.  All I can say is take it as it comes - no-one can predict how long you have.

Kats162

Thankyou all for your kind thoughts. As Blossom suggested I am trying to keep occupied until chemo next Tuesday. I only had 4 cycles last time but I know this time is different and I will likely have treatment in some form or another for the rest of my life. It is a shitty disease that creeps up when least expected!
Thankyou for yhe hugs and support xx😍

June1952

My heart breaks for you - and who knows if we may be next.  This disease is rampant and does not care who it attacks and how often.  Sending big hugs to you.  Please keep in touch.

sallylovestosing

@Kats162 I am with you in spirit! Got back from an O/s trip in June having suffered onset of lymphoedema while away. Everyone put it down to the flying/pressure changes, but my (lovely) surgeon sent me for an ultrasound just to rule out anything sinister. Trouble is it didn't rule it out at all - just exposed it. Now I'm waiting for results of core biopsy and trying to mentally gird my loins for the coming battle. Am anticipating loads more tests in my near future, almost certainly more surgery and chemo. It's a good job we're strong and have a sense of humour!
 

Kat09

So sorry that it's come back @Kats162 , I also have been recently diagnosed with stage 4 ( metastatic ) and mine has also returned in the lymph nodes and one spot at the base of my neck C7. I had a big 18 months clear after 15 months of treatment for the 1st bout and am almost on my 6th round of Xeloda ( oral chemo ) which I'm so far tolerating well and follow up scans 3 weeks ago show that the cancer is shrinking. We are definitely on a rollercoaster ride now but I try and stay focused on the now and try not to pre empt or worry too much about the what lies ahead. None of us know how this disease will progress as each of us are different, what treatment works well for someone may not do the same for another. I know that this disease most likely will get me eventually but hey not without one hell of a fight 1st! I guess the longer we stay well and our disease stays controlled the higher the chances of there being that magic cure. It is a really crappy hand to be dealt but we can't change it, it's ok to be scared, angry and to want to hide away from the world sometimes too but in the end living our lives and focussing on all the good stuff is what will get us through, and when that fails there is always wine! Wishing you well with your treatment and know that we are all here if you need us