Getting on with Life
Good afternoon ladies
It's been a little while but I'm still around :-) My nails are under control - look a treat but at least they are no longer oozing - blurgh! Of course the range of antibiotics given to me then resulted in me getting a bowel infection so I am on AB's to control that now! You have to laugh really. It's all good though - I feel well. My latest scans have shown a partial response - the node in my axilla is still shrinking while the stubborn lung mets are about the same - so stable (c'mon guys - get with the program!) The skin met is also shrinking. I am hopeful next scan will show reduction everywhere again. I was down in the dumps about the lung mets until it was pointed out to me that nothing new is growing and it's all stable and I have no symptoms and am tolerating the treatment and the next scan may very well show further reduction - I pulled out of my funk and thought "geez girl - live while you are alive!" - it is something that can be said for all of us - cancer or no cancer - the cancer bit just messes with your head a little more.
I was wondering how I was going to get through Pinktober - the thought of survivor stories, stories of early detection and treatment success and then stories of recurrence and how that was going to get to me. Am I still a "survivor"? Am I still part of the "sisterhood" - the quiet minority with ABC/Stage 4? Well, the initial stories got me down - Stage 4 stories of accepting the "inevitable" got me in a funk, EBC success stories saw my little green man come out full of envy. Wasted emotion - other women's stories - not mine - I'm writing the book on that one - planning on it being a long book full of fun and exciting chapters - grandchildren anyone?
So I thought to start Pinktober I would occasionally post positive quotes to my FB page - no statistics allowed. Then my friend and I have got together to organise a Pinktober Breakfast - see link below - if you are in Melbourne and would like to come please message me (we need to have a rough numbers guide for catering).
http://fundraise.pinkribbonbreakfast.org.au/bernadette_burnes
I have to say gettng involved in this has me pumping again. I feel alive and like I am doing something worthwhile. I just hope that more of the money goes to ABC research. I know early detection is best but it didn't help me (a little selfish I suppose) and a hell of a lot of other women. Then of course there is the whole PBS palaver and issues for rural women - it quite simply is not good enough!
I am still attending the Gawler program and learning a lot with the lovely Leonor and Augustin. I am not merely a sponge but am learning with a critical eye to ask more and investigate more. I am still receiving counselling which is of enormous benefit. I still see my shrink - also beneficial. I am still eating a plant based diet with fish and no dairy or other animal products (aside from fish) - want to lose weight anyone? I am still meditating and love the inner peace it gives me. I am still having regular accupuncture and chinese medicine and believe this is helping me manage the weekly chemo better. I am still on the search for a naturopath to work with. I have hair growing back and went without headwear in public today - most wouldn't but I don't care!
We have had a lovely beach holiday on the Gold Coast where I returned midway for treatment. The kids and B had a relaxing time - it was nice to be back in my home state, see old friends and relax. I love the surf and the beach - it is my special safe place and hearing the ocean daily warmed my soul.
You know what? I might have ABC but I'm still a SURVIVOR and I'm living for now (and still hoping - not worrying - for tomorrow)
Much love and light to all SURVIVORS.
Amanda xxx
Comments
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Hey Amanda,
Everything u wrote about what ur feeling i feel at times too..ABC does mess with ur head-no end date for treatment, no known cure, etc and October can be an extremely emotional time, especially if ur involved in a function or event. I also get jealous of others when they finish their treatment-i am happy for them but also jealous.
Anyway, u take care..great to see the scans have shown at least mostly posititve reduction and stability in the lungs-maybe next scan the lungs might suprise u-lets hope xxxxx
Prob can't get to the breakfast-that week is going to be mad in this house..1 trip to melb on the tues and 2 trips to warrnambool on wed and fri...hope it goes well and u gets lots coming..
Sam xxxx
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Hey Amanda,
Everything u wrote about what ur feeling i feel at times too..ABC does mess with ur head-no end date for treatment, no known cure, etc and October can be an extremely emotional time, especially if ur involved in a function or event. I also get jealous of others when they finish their treatment-i am happy for them but also jealous.
Anyway, u take care..great to see the scans have shown at least mostly posititve reduction and stability in the lungs-maybe next scan the lungs might suprise u-lets hope xxxxx
Prob can't get to the breakfast-that week is going to be mad in this house..1 trip to melb on the tues and 2 trips to warrnambool on wed and fri...hope it goes well and u gets lots coming..
Sam xxxx
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Great to hear from you Amanda, you SURVIVOR! It also sounds great that you managed a sunny state break - popping back for treatment could perhaps be compared to having to go to work for a day in the middle (well almost with a big stretch of imagination!).
Would love to make the breakfast but planes wont get me there and back in time for treatment. Hope it goes really well.
Take care, Dette xxx
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Hi Amanda,
You are always on my mind, so thank you for your update. I'll say a prayer for you, that your next scan will show a size reduction in your lung mets. You are an inspiration to me and I wish you well. Good luck with your Pinktober breakfast.
Love Chris xxx0 -
Great to hear from you again and pleased about your good news bits and also no worse news. Fantastic that you were able to go on a holiday, I'm hoping to as well after Christmas. Something to look forward to. You sound like you have a really good support network of professionals looking after you.
Love,
Julia
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Great to hear from you again and pleased about your good news bits and also no worse news. Fantastic that you were able to go on a holiday, I'm hoping to as well after Christmas. Something to look forward to. You sound like you have a really good support network of professionals looking after you.
Love,
Julia
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So glad to hear from you. Keep doing everything that you are doing - enjoying as much life as you can. We are all survivors!!!!!!! Life is good so grab handfulls of it. XLeonie
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So glad to hear from you. Keep doing everything that you are doing - enjoying as much life as you can. We are all survivors!!!!!!! Life is good so grab handfulls of it. XLeonie
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EBC = early breast cancer
ABC = advanced breast cancer.
either way we can all live just one day at a time.
you are doing that amanda, and i like your honesty, plus the way you put it all in print.
sending you strength and love/ light, just as you have given me strength to keep living as fully as i can and reaching out to others, plus looking after myself.
sincerely.. kathy.
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You are a survivor and you have helped me so much.
Yes cancer is shit , but we come through this journey stronger women. When I first started on my journey I was such a wose, just went along with the Drs. I now say what I want , question and do not take crap from anyone.
i am glad you had a holiday with your family and your lung mets have not grown. This is a good sign , maybe not what you want but it is stable not growing.
I turn 54 on 31st of this month and I have never really been one to celebrate my birthday. This year I am going to celebrate reaching 54 and life and will be looking forward to many more birthdays.
Looking forward to reading your book.
Big hugs Debbie
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As always my dearest Amanda you are a veeeeeeery special person on my life and I enjoy every Tuesday being next to you....I love your spirit and I truly love you!!
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