Feeling numb & sad as cancer is spreading

angg66

I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in 2015. I was told it had spread to my liver & lymph nodes in my chest. The cancer started slowly growing in my liver last year, so tried two different types of chemo. Abraxane didn't work at all so was taken off that within 6 weeks. I was on Eribulin for around six months. The CT scan showed that the Eribulin was keeping the cancer stable in the liver & chest, but my tumour markers were going up. So my oncologist was concerned so sent me off for a bone scan last week. Today I have been told the cancer has spread into my bones in my lower back, legs & left arm. I thought we had the cancer under control. Obviously not! 

I am very upset by this news. I feel numb! The reality is starting to set in for me that I will not see my kids grow into teenagers. I am sorry if this sounds morbid to some people but it is my reality. The tears are flowing now.... 

tigerbeth

Oh dear @angg66 my heart bleeds for you ! What a rotten hand you've been dealt , no wonder your tears are flowing .
 No words of wisdom from me as I haven't walked in your shoes (metastatic) 
Sending you love ,hugs & healing thoughts xxx

Giovanna_BCNA

Hello @angg66 sending you a private message

kmakm

My thoughts are with you Ang. I have no words that could possibly help. This disease is an absolute bastard. If I could I'd give you a big cuddle and let your tears soak my shoulder. K xox

PatsyN

@angg66 I'm crying with you. Life can dish up such nasty things for some and yet others cruise thru with barely a crisis to deal with. I've watched 3 of my 5 children battle their demons as one by one they became mentally ill. Just when I thought my life was manageable and my children were all settled (relatively so) 12 months ago I'm diagnosed with breast cancer. It was Stage IIIC before radiation but I hadn't yet had my metastatic workup. My feeling, and that of the radiologist, was that it would be unlikely the cancer had not spread further, due to its size (10cms) and no clear nodes anywhere to be found. I tried to prepare myself for the worst case scenario but when told I was clear of cancer I felt no relief at all. It made a huge difference to my children but it's not over yet. Oncologist tomorrow, ultrasound in 2 weeks and then CT scan again in 3 months.
I've thought a lot about dying and the more preparation you have and the more notice you get the better it is for everyone. I would hate to die suddenly and without reason. I feel that as shitty as things can get if you feel that you control your destiny then it's easier to bear.
I'm still crying with you.
xo   

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Zoffiel

So sorry, Ang. Mxx

Sister

I'm so sorry to hear this, Ang.  Leaving our kids is a heartbreaking thought.  Cry a river if you need to.  Then make some really good memories for them.  Thinking of you. 

onemargie

Hi there love. That bloody sucks this disease is a total bitch thats for sure. Have you joined  the Mets group? There is a great bunch of ladies on there who can give you support too. I’m sure your oncol will try all the options to keep the nasties at bay.  Thinking of you. Perhaps you can contact the Otis foundation  and organise a few days away for you and your family. It’s all free. Sounds like you could do with one.   Biggest hug of all love. Margie. Xxx 

Kiwi Angel

@angg66. So incredibly sorry for u - sending u the hugest of hugs xoxoox

AllyJay

@angg66...There are no  words I can say, but sending my love and the biggest  (((hug))).

iserbrown

@angg66
Oh goodness I do hope that the comfort of us all here is helping.
Take care, sending you a virtual hug  

Sam09

I feel your pain and most of us on here however I'm stage 4 too and similar locations.. I've faced the horrible demons we all do however I believe breast cancer is the best cancer to get if one is unfortunate enough to have to be a recipient. It is so well funded and all the time new drugs are appearing to help us combat the monster within us . I make sure I do not leave it to only my medical team but me too by only providing my body each day with the best nutrition I possibly can ..rule number one...it doesn't go in my mouth if it contains sugar as cancer loves sugar hence the pet scan ...adding glucose to attract the cancer. And everyday I push myself to exercise as I feel empowered it makes me feel in control a lot more ...you see Angg we may have this but a healthy fit you can fight it more .Not one person in my country town knows I have stage four cancer I even hid my hair loss for a long time. They all just think I'm a fit healthy person and sometimes when they tell me their woes I silently think if only you knew mine with a smile....you can fight this you can ..and while your doing it things will become available to help you and me ...look everyday at our beautiful days and believe you can fight this fight because you are in  control and fight to win . No talk of dying ...just take control you are much stronger than you know....

melclarity

@ang66 I wanted to say Hi, and just acknowledge you with a bloody heavy heart. Eventhough I've had it twice, I can't imagine what you are going through. I do know this is something we all think about constantly, so sending you much love and know we are all here supporting. Melinda xo

Michelle_R

@angg66, just wanted to send you a huge and gentle hug. Cannot imagine how hard it is for you with your children. Do hope your Oncologist is trying every new drug in the book for you, and meanwhile you must feel the arms around you from here. xx  Michelle xx

Eastmum

@angg66 - sharing your tears over here - I hope that this community will be able to offer some comfort to you at this difficult time. Sending you much love and bucket loads of hugs.
xxxxx