Well being

iserbrown

Today I filled out a questionnaire for the Ex-med Cancer program.  Well I cannot believe how it has caused me to feel slightly emotional.  Naturally the questionnaire is in depth and what it has done has stirred up all the emotions.  I can talk about it until the cows come home but to actually relive it as I went through the questions...............I guess it never leaves us, we just park it and hope that the treatment we are on knocks off any strays and we don't have a recurrence, but we never know do we!  
Fragile and vulnerable - hopefully when I have my assessment appointment next week, along with GP and Oncology appointments I won't be such a fragile little flower!  End of whinge, just needed to get it off my chest!
Take care everyone 

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Hopes_and_Dreams

@iserbrown, you definitely didn’t have a whinge!
i think subconsciously I push breast cancer into the back of my mind on a daily basis and when I do talk about it, it is on my terms and I can keep it pretty much on the surface and matter of fact.  But I found myself taking a big breath before approaching the Bakers Delight counter today, afraid that the sales assistant would discuss their pink buns campaign.  Part of me wanted to talk about it but I also knew I would be struggling to hold back emotions.  It’s been 22 months since my diagnosis and I can talk to strangers about my bc but still struggle to talk to those personally involved either via diagnosis or fundraising. 
Well done on doing the questionnaire, I think you are brave and strong!  Jane x

Milly21

Jane 
that is a good way of describing how I feel most the time ,pushing my breast cancer to back of mind deliberately daily ,that's how I feel but hadn't been able to put into words.i finished treatment a year ago and still get emotional and upset at random times.i too felt apprehension when buying my buns yesterday.

Hopes_and_Dreams

I'm sure we aren't alone @Milly21.  My husband is the same.  He approached a fundraising kiosk at our local shopping centre last October with the intention of making a donation (which he eventually did ) and ended up being cuddled by the volunteers as he broke down!  I think we just have to roll with it - we all cope the best we can x

iserbrown

Agree - had a friend attend the Mini Field of Women Pink football match and she struggled but eventually  what she did do was put my name and hers on a pink lady out the front on the pink lady silhouettes.  

It surprised me being confronted by it that I struggled emotionally!  I can talk about it, but it's never in depth but today's questionnaire was in depth and hence I relived it all! 

Joannie said:

@iserbrown I have heard that when we bring up stories of the past that it actually brings up those same emotions that we experienced at the time.  Not sure if anyone else here has heard that before?  It can be likened to bringing up old war stories, it just stirs the emotions of those past memories that they wanted to leave in the past.  It never leaves us, you are correct, I agree.

Thanks for the support!
Take care

primek

We do park those emotions. I had to go through an awful workplace  bullying claim a few years back. Actually writing about the experience and subsequent interviews plunged me into such despair I considered  suicide was a better option than returning. I didn't realise until that moment how much the stress had impacted on me. But it was also enlightening. It gave me the strength to say no more...and regardless of whether my claim was accepted or not (it was) I quickly found a new job. 
All was roses until 5 months later and found the darn lump.
But...recently I walked past the volunteer ladies making pink flowers at the local shopping centre...all in prep for pink October. I actually had a full on anxiety moment and reduced to tears. I fully recalled going in with my bald head buying my flowers and T shirt and having to sit every 50 m due to exhaustion whilst there. I think we all have a little PTSD as memories are stored with the emotion. Digging up the memories releases it. Perhaps it's good to let it out every now and then and then box it back up for another day. 

kmakm

Oh @iserbrown I'm sorry to hear that! I hate that fragile & vulnerable feeling, just dreadful. I hope it passes soon. Shedding a tear or two might help. Give it a nod as you pass it by, this shit happened, but don't linger to chat. And that was not a whinge! Take care of yourself. K xox

iserbrown

@primek
Thanks for sharing! You certainly have had your share of stress.

The impact on us is perhaps greater than we realise. I opened my file of paperwork and found the drawing the surgeon did when he diagnosed me and then sent me for the biopsy straight away. The pathology report classified it as invasive. No wonder he wanted to operate the next day. I had so much to organize with work that he allowed me 3 days only.

We do park it and hope we don't have to revisit. 

Dear oh dear!

Artferret

Iserbrown, i felt the same way and there were days when i would rock up to the Ex-med program feeling like bawling my eyes out over something that was happening in the background (even now writing about it brings tears to my eyes) but i would go through my workout session and come out feeling so much better. By the time the program finished i was back in control of my life, the teary days are few and far between and I'm smiling on the inside again. I went to Coburg Leisure Centre (great little gym, very friendly people) and had Phoebe as our EP. She was great. Have fun, cos i did and and still am at a gym closer to home.

iserbrown

Spoke to ex-med yesterday!  It's a big week next week with appointments!  I'll tackle them head on 
Thanks for responding, as we both acknowledge it is a reminder of why we ended up here...............I didn't have this on the bucket list, but there you go, it's all about how we handle it and this has been one of my few glitches
Take care

Sister

Just wondering what the Ex-Med programme is?

iserbrown

I was introduced to it by BCNA, Fiona

http://www.exmedcancer.org.au/
https://www.facebook.com/exmedcancer/

Sister

Thanks, @iserbrown I thought it may have been a Victorian thing.  You guys seem to have a lot more services there.

iserbrown

Yes agree with that
  
I know that the main Hospitals run programs as well as for Cancer patients and or diabetes et cetera 
 
ENHANCE at Epworth, https://www.epworth.org.au/Our-Services/rehabilitation/Pages/Breast-cancer-rehabilitation.aspx

So yes we are very fortunate - it just seems unfair when it is not spread across all the States

Zoffiel

It's interesting how distressing some of these things can be. I became a full on activist following my first BC in 2006. I joined groups, got involved with committees and spent a lot of time and emotional energy on the inequality of services rural and regional people endure. That went on for about five years then I dropped everything--5 years is long enough to have your knickers in a bunch.

Fast forward to 2016 and I found myself back on the cancer bus. This time I have only involved myself with this forum and have resisted requests to move back into the advocacy space. I just find it too draining. I'm not well enough to be sanguine about my situation and can't separate my own feelings from any discussion well enough to be objective. To be honest, I'm even finding this forum isn't helping my wellbeing at the moment--it's one thing to be in the thick of treatment, it's another to be hanging around on the edges wondering if you are ever going to be well.