@Zoffiel
I think your thought process at present is totally understandable. It's a roller coaster that most struggle to find a stop where you can alight and be free.
We find ourselves caring for others on here in a virtual sense whilst our own frailties aren't far from the surface.
@primek likened our situation to PTSD and I'd imagine for you on the second run of the cancer bus that's perhaps where you are at not that I really know for sure but it's a theory to chew over.
Your advice and care is appreciated by most. It's time to wallow for awhile and hopefully you'll be able to dust yourself down and return feeling refreshed.
I would've suggested a soak in your outdoor bath but the arctic blast that has arrived has squashed that idea.
Take care and take time for thyself and be proud of the victories thus far.