very new member
Hey Everyone
I was diagnosed on the 26th July and had a mastectomy on 4th August. I had 2 tumors in my right breast , and in 2 lymph nodes. I need chemotherapy and radiation which I start next week. I feel like I am in a bubble all alone and no one can see me or hear me yelling for them to wake me up from this nightmare. So here I am on the computer looking for others who feel like me, is anyone out there walking around with a lump in your chest just wishing you could scream out loud??
Comments
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Hi Kathryne, so sorry to hear of your diagnosis. Go ahead and scream - you deserve to!
Please know you are NOT alone when it comes to this site. It gave me almost instant comfort. this is an avenue to vent share and learn and laugh. You'll find many ladies on here who've have been there and done that - they teach me something everytime I come on here.
the time from diagnosis to treatment is so short isnt it? It's like a light switching off.
I really recommend you read through the posts, use the search/filter by tag option for specific subjects and questions that crop up along your journey. Oh & i recommend the free BCNA kit off this site if you havent already got it.
Hang in there and take care & scream those lungs out if it makes you feel better girl! :-)
Jojo
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Go ahead and scream, cry, stay in bed, have a few drinks-whatever helps you get through the waiting -thats the worst. Once you start treatment at least you feel like something is being done. Take care of yourself and use it as a time to be selfish and do what you want to do. Most women are used to always putting other people first-you are number one for the next little while.
Good luck
Wendy
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Thank you JoJo71, it has all happened so fast that I feel I have not had time to catch my breath. I have the kit, my breast care nurse organised it for me and I have found it invaluable. Thank you for responding to my post it is comforting to know someone is out there who knows how I feel.
Kathryne
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Thank you Wendy for responding to my post, it is heart warming to know that others going through the same thing are so willing to offer comfort and support.
Kathryne
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Hi Kathryn,
As the other post do what ever you need to do to make urself feel better!! This journey is about u, and as for feeling alone, it cam feel very isolated, & no really understands. But thanks to the BCNA & BCNA support groups you can find such wonderful love and support, and you are not alone! We are all here for you.
I hope u r feeling well.
Take care
Smiley
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Oh Katherine, you are so much like the rest of us. We all have been so scared and felt so alone at different stages throughout our cancer journeys so please don't feel that you need to travel by yourself as all the ladies on this site would be more than willing to help you through as much as they can.
It was only a couple of weeks ago that i was screaming out like you. All the waiting and lack of knowledge make things so much worse, but as soon as things start moving you will find some peace and acceptance. I start my treatment next week too and cant wait till everything is all finished and i can move on. I will be thinking of you next week Katherine so be brave and go with it. Let us all know how you get on ok. Cheers Jo xx
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Hi Kathryn,
You are not alone! I was diagnosed on March 17th and I have had a lumpectomy and chemo, and have just started radiation this week. I look back at this year and think to myself that I can't believe I have travelled this journey. I have had some really low points, mostly to do with my husband not coping, and this forum has helped me immensely. So keep posting as there are always friends here to help you.
All the best,
Mel
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Hi Mel
Did you know there is a online group on here for men? I know it is hard to get men to open up but maybe you can suggest that your hubby just had a read of what the other guys have to say. So often they get forgotten
and lets face it when they are on top of it, they can support us and keep it together.Anyway hope you are doing well after chemo and radiation is treating you kindly.
Love Tanya
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Hi Katherine
I felt like I was reading my own post 4 years ago!!!
I wrote of waking up thinking that it was a bad dream and wanting to scream, actually I think I did scream and from my foggy memory I was a bit pissed off with Cancer at the time and looking back it seems funny and I wonder now why they didnt haul me off the a mental institution!!!!!!
But I guess, I just wanted to say that we have all been where you are and it is such a dark place, where time seems to stand still and all seems like a bit of a blur. But things get better, once you have a treatment plan, things will become a little clearer and as the others have said, maybe you need to scream and scream loud and get it all out even if they think you have lost your mind, I guarantee you will feel better for it, even if only momentarily
keep us posted. Love Tanya xx
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Its is ok Tanya I still respond no matter how you spell my name, it still sounds the same when spoken anyhow
I hope you are feeling well? I am not too sure how chemotherapy will affect me , I start it this Friday, Yesterday I had a portacath placed in my chest for it to be administered through and today I feel like I have been hit with a cricket bat by a boxer its not very nice so today I plan on being a couch potato.
Did you lose your hair with chemo if you dont mind saying? Can you suggest any good web sites to purchase hats etc from??
Well I hope you have a great day
Kathryne
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Hi Katherine,
I used to think like you and I can relate to the bubble! Why me went through my mind many times but you get used to it and I did find that at first I felt very alone until more and more people found out and since then and because of the wonderful ladies on this site, I feel very blessed and supported through this journey. I still have a long way to go - the surgery was just the start. So hang in there and blog whenever you need to. There is always someone who will offer kind words and advice.
Good luck with you treatment and the journey ahead,
Thinking of you,
Al xx
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Hi Kathryn,
I can understand like the rest of our pink sisters just how you feel! I was diagnosed in June and the shock of it for me was just absolutely amazing when the dr told me that I had cancer. He phoned me and said come in as soon as possible so as it was just around the corner I did so....I went by myself because when I'd had the biopsy they told me it all looked like a cyst. So in I go to the dr's office he came straight out to get me and told me & he was almost in tears honestly. He hadn't yet gotten the actuall report as such so he said come back in tomorrow so I took my hubby with me this time because the 1st time when he told me I just looked at him in disbelief... Anyway as time progressed it seemed to take forever to have all the tests and scans and the waiting is really the worst of all... the feeling of jumping into the void...the void of what???? at least thats how I felt. Then finally got to my results after the lumpectomy from the surgeon...not what i'd expected for sure...I had a triple negitive breast cancer...I was positive it would have been hormone receptive but no I had to get a nasty little bastard that fed on its self...that really through me for 6 I'm telling you..it was like i'd just put it all in a little box on the bookshelf whilst I waited to see my onocologist...in between the waiting it didn't seem like me it was happening to...I always thought in the back of my mind that I would get bc as I'd lost my mum to it 13 years ago today actually :-( but all in all it is the most dreadful shocking news anyone can hear. Anyway back to the oncologist...I finally got my treatment plan and it was kind of a relief I must admit! I went up stairs to book in for when he told me to have it and they were booked out that week so I had to wait an extra week... the 1st treatment I was so scared they had to give me an extra calm me down pill which work ok...I actually sailed through the 1st chemo with very few side effects..so I thought the 2nd would be the same but the side effects were a little worse but I got that sorted out now and I'm heading to my 3rd and 2nd last chemo next Thursday the 15th. I was also refered to the familial group for genetic testing and the results for that were good no defective gene, but i've opted for a bi-lateral mastectomy anyway with a reconstruction after a couple of doses of radiotherapy...so thats my story....As all the other pink sisters have said you are definatly NOT alone on this journey WE are all here for you no matter what......so go with the flow of how your feeling at the time...cry, scream, be angry at the injustice of it all, just make sure you let it out. I cried when I lost my hair as a matter of fact I do most of my crying in the bathroom after i've showered for some reason, I think it's because no one can see me as I have a family of 6 kids and I don't want them to see me upset or it sets them off too.....haha! Anyway I hope my story helps you to come to terms with this awefull situation.
I'll be thinking of you when you have your 1st treatment and I hope you sail through it too :-)
Brightest Blessings, Susan xxx
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Hi Susan, thank you for sharing your story with me, I am so very sorry that you too are going through this awful disease too. Yesterday I was released from hospital as my first treatment did not go so well. I was only home one hour when the nausea started followed by uncontrolable vomiting, my mouth already has ulcers and I should stop now, I dont want anyone thinking I am winging when we are all going through the same things. Anyhow all the best for tomorrows treatment I will be thinking of you and wishing you a easy few days, try to keep hydrated and you know what, cry about your hair and cry loud I give you permission to let it all out and also because I know on the day I have to face the loss of my hair I too will cry out loud. God Bless you Susan
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