A couple of years down the track
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This is a hot topic lately. @underthestars, @Zoffiel, @SoldierCrab, and @melclarity might have some thoughts on this subject.1
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Hi there Tink, you are not alone with how you are feeling, I'm only 7 months post chemo and have had a double mastectomy and wasn't keen on more surgery, but have decided I will consider it and just see what the surgeon says, If you meet a bloke lovey just be yourself, he should be able to see past the one boob thing if hes a decent bloke, you are more than just a boob lovey, love yourself boob or no boob, you are beautiful anyway, and your scars are a sign of courage and strength not disfigurement. My hubby loves me just the same with or without boobs and is grateful that I'm alive and well and doesn't give a shit about the no boob thing. There are good blokes out there. Margie
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it is hard Tink what you can do if you want is see a psychologist and have some sessions it really helped me with lots of things I started struggling with.....You can get a mental health plan and see them under medicare.... up to 10 sessions either free or on reduced rates....
I have found that extremely helpful...
I have a friend (male) he is absolutely both encouraging and totally accepting of my double mastectomy, he says to me "you are alive that is what I want" so yes they cope and deal with it..... Melclarity has had reconstruction and she might be able to help you with some more ideas
Soldiercrab1 -
Hi @Tink,
I was single when I had a double mastectomy ten years ago. I did go down the reconstruction route--something I wish I had never done. I've got the worst reconstruction--I call them the frankentitties--and am not at all happy or comfortable with the way I look. So, I totally get the business of looking in the mirror and wondering "WTF happened? Really? This is it for good?" Anyway, I feel like I've moved on from despair to resignation. I've had so many surgeries on these puppies that I've given up now. I had a recurrence last year which has doubled my determination to never have another general anaesthetic unless its to save my life.
So, on to men. About three years after my surgery I decided a girl's got needs and this girl was getting needy. I'm fiercely independent but do like a man in my life and I hadn't met anyone who was a likely candidate. I decided to dive into the online dating pond. I've got to warn you, there is a fair degree of slime in there, but once you get your bullshit detector serviced and turned on, it's kinda fun.
I made sure that any profile I put up included a reference to my cancer experience. My favourite was to say that I was looking for someone who was more interested in what was going on between my ears than under my shirt. You can borrow that if you like
I also made sure that anyone I was interested in knew that if they were a 'tit' man, they were looking in the wrong place. Come to think of it, if they are a 'leg' man they won't be happy either, but that's beside the point.Anyone worth your attention won't care. I don't know how old you are, but I was dealing with men mostly in their fifties, and I can assure you that most of them are in far from perfect condition. If they can't cope with a chest that looks like it's been in the blender, I'm not interested in their beer gut, false teeth or possible sexual disfunction. It's all give and take.
I finally met the most fabulous guy. We've been together for 4 years; he lives about 90km from me, has stood by me through a very challenging recurrence and full on treatment regime.
Good luck, have fun and keep in mind that even super models have to kiss a few frogs. And there is a distinct shortage of princes so it's best to go for someone who can do a knight in shining armour impression every once in a while.
Marg
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Thanks for your comments lovely ladies. It's always good to hear of others in my situation. I'm not particularly looking for a man but it's just something going through the swirling mess in my head at the moment lol. I know I'll get there in the end, I just have to keep going day by day, which is how I got through the whole diagnosis and treatment in 2014.
Tink xx1 -
@Tink if and when you will meet a man there will be no problem. It is usually a meeting of the minds that forms a good relationship. Okay physical attractions plays a part but usually people bond over same goals in life and interests. Alright opposites do attract sometimes.
So when you meet him it will be okay. If he is not okay with it then he isnt the one. Looking forward to hearing of your wedding in years to come.
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its great to hear others stories and see so much support from such incredible woman on this site. gratitude too all0
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@Tink I think that a really normal thought. When I had my first diagnosis I was 6 months out of my marriage with 2 children. For a few years I didnt think about it, but when I was ready I started dating and that was something I thought too..whilst I had my breasts I had a major lumpectomy was disfigured and didnt know how I would go. Well let me tell you, it wasnt an issue, obviously I built something first and it didnt bother him at all or the fact Id had breast cancer. I enjoyed the time we spent but this was my first relationship since my marriage and wasnt quite right so I moved on LOL.
THEN...late 2014 I met a man and things were going great, 7 months into our relationship I had a recurrence. My first thought was besides OH SHIT!! was I wouldnt expect him to stay knowing how bad it was going to get. From that diagnosis, all the tests, another major lumpectomy...all the way through chemo...out the other side....16 months post and Mastectomy/diep flap recon...he has been amazing...he never waivered, even when I had little faith. He's been a rock to me, we dont live together so its been challenging and complicated but we're coming up 3yrs this year.
So I say to you....have a little faith in who you are, we are so much more than our physical self...take your time when the right one comes you will know, I feel so blessed xx Melinda0
