I feel like I'm in a car about to crash!!!
Gerryb
Member Posts: 106 ✭
i was on high feeling really positive. My drains came out 8 days after surgery and I was feeling great. Dr called this morning to change the follow up appointment to next week as they did not get enough clearance of tissue. I sat there completely stunned and unable to draw breath. So a waiting game once more for the next surgery date. I'm starting to understand that my body is not mine and I have no control. I have kept myself together to date but I feel so distressed right now.
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Some of us use the term roller coaster to describe how it feels to be on this "journey". You just get your head around something, think you know what is ahead and the track drops out from under you!
After a while I became a bit better at not getting too far ahead of myself. I know everyone says it but you really do just have to take it one step at a time. I gained some sense of control by concentrating just on what I could do to help myself at each stage. I think walking became my sanity saver. It was something I could do most days and it was my time out from the medical stuff. I either walked somewhere where I could feel in touch with the natural world or walked on the treadmill in my bedroom listening to uplifting music.
I could not control what the cancer had done to me but I knew that I could help myself by something as simple as going for a walk.
Hope that you feel better about this next hurdle soon. You will get through it and the next one after that too. Meanwhile it is very much ok to not feel as though you have to be strong all the time. This is a distressing time and you need to let others help. This is one time in your life where you need to put yourself first. Be gentle with yourself, this is a tough time. Take care. xoxo1 -
*I squish you and I hug you
and I tell you that you can do it because you've done it before
and everything is going to suck but you are going to come out on top
and then I squish you some more*2 -
You will get through this Then you will realise how strong you really are. Good luck xox1
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So sorry to hear you need more surgery Gerry - that just stinks.
I can relate to that feeling of being out of control of your own body as I had to have a second surgery just recently too.
I know it doesn't seem like it right now but you've got this.
Now is the time to give yourself permission to let go & find out what it really means to take care of you xxx1 -
It took me a 10km walk with lots of swearing, yelling, crying and kicking at the sand along the beach to prepare myself for a second surgery. I am still pissed off with the lazy dr who only took out one sentinel node and it was positive so then I had to lose all my nodes under my arm and they were all negative. If he had just taken a couple at the first surgery I wouldn't have needed another, nor would I have lymphedema for the rest of my life.
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The loss of control over my life was one of the hardest things to accep during my treatment, until I guess I got so tired that I was apathetic. The control comes back eventually. Now I feel very frustrated when things happen and I have no control. Good luck with it all. Karen0
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Hi Gerryb,
Goal posts get moved on you frequently during this crap journey!
Sorry to hear you are going back for surgery again.It's upsetting but give us 24hrs and we get our head around it.Best wishes,big hug.xx1
