I need to stay happy and polite
sisters give me the strength to not abuse anyone ??
I have not even reached my fourth week since left mastectomy and Lat Dorsi reconstruction and have really bad necrosis and it's like I'm holding my family and extended family back from living their everyday normal lives!and my goodness they let me know!with the "you should be over this by now "and omg are you still whinging about that?"my patience and body can hardly take anymore,
no!,I can't drink half a bottle of vodka and be the life of the party at the moment and can't see myself doing it any time soon!no I don't want people hanging around telling me if I force myself to do things I will recover quicker!
im so moody and frustrated with pain and lack of understanding from my mum,my stepdad,my husband and kids I feel ready to walk!i don't mean to whinge or sound selfish but it hasn't even been four weeks and I still feel I need a lot of help and love.im scared my husband is being driven away by the drama of this horrible road we travel?
how shall I act?what can I do?
love xxxx
Comments
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Hi Natalie!
I'm so so sorry that you are not traveling so well feeling unsupported at times. I can't compare or imagine what you must be going through but hope that someone on this network can advise you of what to do. Or who you can talk too My only suggestion would be to talk to someone who may have some expertise in this area about it. Try and treat yourself to something that you enjoy doing or going too.
Big hugs and kisses.
Sue
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Hi Natalie,
I am sorry for your distress and lack of compassion from your family, you have had a lot to deal with in a short time. I can only say to you keep posting your feelings to the network as there are so many wonderful caring women who are always here to support you and offer some advice.
If you have a Breast care nurse have a chat to her about your pain levels, and also your feelings about the lack of family support. I'm sure she will give you the advice you need to deal with the situation. If not ask to speak to a counsellor either through your local Community Health or Hospital.
Sending you a big hug, and please don't despair.
XOXOXO Annie
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Hi Natalie
Keep venting here as it does help ! I have no friends living close and hubby is my only family so I can fully understand how you are feeling. Some ladies on this website were my support - thank you in particular to RobynW and Deanne.
Talk to your Breast Care Nurse if you relate to her. She may know of support systems around your area. I am not into groups but there may be a Breast Cancer Support Group near you if you think that could be an outlet.
Talk to your GP and ask for the 5 free counselling sessions under the Mental Health Care Plan. That way you can talk things through with an 'outsider' and not feel as though you are holding your family back. We all take different amounts of time to recover and accept our 'new normal'.
No-one really knows the physical or emotional pain involved unless they have been there so don't give yourself such a hard time. Come back and vent more as you need, don't let it build up within you.
Big hugs
Summer :-)
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Hey Natalie
Bummer you are being put through the unnecessary crap from the family. As if you dont have enough to deal with!
I agree with Summer no-one knows unless they have gone through it. I am the sort of person that would stick up for myself and tell them all to stick it if they cant be supportive. If this isnt you maybe have a chat to your gp or surgeon to see what they suggest.
Everyone heals in their own time, both physically and emotionally there is no rule book on such things. The family need to be reminded of this and just back off.
You will always have support here.
Sending lots of positiveness your way????
Maryrose
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Hi Natalie some people just don't get it. Unfortunately that is the way it is sometimes, all the advice you have been given is good. I myself have seen a counsellor and often vent on this site. This site has been a huge help as people on this site understand. As far as how to act just be yourself if they don't like it tough you need to look after yourself.
Sending you a big hugxx
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Thanks to all of you lovely ladies ??I am not a confrontational person so I just avoid the drama even though it's getting me down ??I got really upset yesterday when my mum told me to have a cigarette and I quit three months ago,they are all smokers.i quit to give myself the best chance at being healthy in the future and you just think that your mum would back you up on that.i understand that it's hard for everyone else as well but I don't ask for much help except from my husband and kids.I will keep my venting to just here for now I think if you will all have me ??
If I don't start to feel better I have a surgeon appointment on Wednesday and can always go to my gp
thankyou girls ????????
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Sorry I'm a bit late with my reply.Like Summer,I would like to suggest that you go to your GP and access your 5 free visits to a counsellor,under the mental health plan.There is no cost to you at all.Ths is such a stressful time,as all of the ladies on here know.Even just staying connected on here may be just what you need. I believe that often during times of great stress,the people that we wish would support us the most are often the ones that just can't quite get it right.If you can use all of us on here for support,and just a shoulder to lean on,you might find that the way your family are acting at present,won't bother you quite as much.It is such a terrible time.Our emotions are in a very heightened state,so we are probably not always good company either,although this in no way excuses poor behaviour in others.Take care and stay in touch.Cheers Robyn xox
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Oh Natalie you poor darling.
I'm 4-5 months post 2 ops, a lumpectomy, sentinel node biopsy, then axillary node level 2 surgery.
I am a positive person, bit about 2-3 months into this after 3-4months of temps, post on redness, infections etc I started to get a bit flat.
I've just finished rads, only 20, but I'm so exhausted. In pain with my arm still from surgery. My breast has coped well, bit still has infection area and very uncomfortable. Dealing with migraines, asthma, back, hip problems. I'm anaemic also.
I feel like a broken record, but just feel so wrecked still.
I know though that my body has been traumatized and it will take time. I'm positive but oh so tired. My family have been terrific, 5 adult children that have been there for me. Haven't a husband or partner but the kids ended up stepping up so well I don't feel I've missed out in that regard.
I'm sorry the fam are not being more supportive. I did one time yell at my son, for God's sake, I've got breast cancer, stop being so nasty.
That night he went to the shops, got all the food and cooked is all a wonderful meal. So a good shout occasionally may help, lol.
You are in such early stage of recovery from such a massive operation. You take all the time you need to recover and don't feel guilt. I've been learning to let go of guilt when I need to ring my boss to say I can't make work. I know I need to get strong again, to rest as needed, to recover, to be pampered. This is what you need. Let your family know this is what's needed, that everyone is different and gets back to doing things at different levels.
Will say prayers your support network realise how much you need this time and don't pressure you.
Love and smiles to you xxx
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Thankyou for all your kind words ??I'm usually such a positive bubbly person and I suppose the "me now " is so different to the me I was six months ago. I just feel so broken atm and would love a cuddle from my mum or my husband but it's not there, I feel a sort of guilt because I'm not the old me but I really need to recover and not rush it for them. I can't wait for life to get back to normal, I just want to be me again,not be in pain all the time.
????????????
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We are all sending you the cuddles ..............and support and energy to get through!
Your family is no different to mine - you are the rock and the rock is a little fragile and they don't know what to do!
Take care xx
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"you are the rock and the rock is a little fragile and they don't know what to do!"
How you have hit the nail on the head ! Perfect way to explain it !
I think the majority of us ladies have all been the family rock and once that cracks they fall apart more than us.
Sending big hugs to any lady out there who needs it. Thinking of that. I think I will give myself a much-needed hug today !
Four Willy Wagtail babies in the nest to check out - hope they survived yesterday's heat.
Summer :-)
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Goodness you made me teary!
It gets hard when the family has their heads in the sand!
Drizzly today but little wrens and parrots and the odd magpie about - don't you love nature!
Thanks and big hugs to all
Take care xx
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Hi Natalie,
First and foremost you must put yourself and your health first. Secondly, it would be a great idea to ring the cancer council for some advice about how to work through this thing with your family. Having to suffer necrosis following already radical surgery is so tough. Take a deep breath and a little break for a day or so, then have a chat with your breast care nurse, who may know of some resources and information that you can share with your family.
Keep venting to us on this site, you'll find lots of people here who understand and who can give you some advice and support.
Sending you a mega cuddle, Trace xxx
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Hi Natalie
I also didn't get much support from my husband and kids. They have been more supportive now than what they were the whole 16 months of treatment. Fortunately my brother and a couple of girlfriends stepped up and were my rocks. The thing is, they didn't know what to do, say or how to feel. They were all scared. None of them were coping and they all dealt with things differently. I remember one day during chemo yelling at my husband "do I have to be dead before you will help me?" I was advised to just look after myself and do what I needed to get through. I had to put myself first. It created a lot of anger and resentment on all sides and we are still dealing with the fall out 5 months after treatment ended. One day after a bit of argy bargy, hubby and I actually started talking about it (something we hadn't done at all to that point). Hubby thought he was helping and being supportive. He didn't realise that it wasn't enough and I needed more help. He cooked a couple of times a week and did a couple of loads of washing but the rest was left for me to do. He wasn't giving me the emotional support I needed either but he so just wanted things back to normal. It is so damn hard. Definitely talk to the doctors and nurses. Find someone who does support you and surround yourself with that support. It is only now that I'm realising the toll that bc has taken on not only me but everyone close to me.
I hope things settle down soon and that you are able to get some support from another source, if not from them. Keep talking on here. Sometimes all you need is to verbalise how you feel to start feeling better. Good luck. Karen xox
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When I was at hospital in the breast assessment clinic I was told I could have a counsellor if I needed, so perhaps ask your breast care nurse?
family, what are they like! They just don't know how to deal with it. They are probably used to having you deal with everything and can't understand why you can't now?
i have a great husband but he is not domesticated at all and two adult daughters who were out of the house 12 hours a day. They were used to me doing it all (and going to work). When I became ill I did as much as I could but you know what, I've started to think of myself a lot more and they are getting the message........
vent all you like on here, we are listening. And here to support you.
Linda xx
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