Beck 34
I'm a 34 year old wife & mother of two children under 6. I had grade 3 triple negative breast cancer and had a double mastectomy on 24th July. I've just had my 3rd AC chemo treatment and emotionally I'm struggling. I have one more AC cycle and then 12 taxol weekly treatments to go. I feel emotional at how much treatment I still have and the guilt of just not feeling good enough some days to play and have fun with my kids. This is my first post.
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Hello Beck
Congratulations on putting up your first post - that was my first venture into the big internet world a year ago ! I had no idea what I was doing but I am glad I made the effort.
Welcome to this wonderful site - but I am sad that you have had to join - you will find lots of hope, information, encouragement and love from the ladies here.
I have also sent you a personal messgae.
Hugs
Summer :-)
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Hi Beck,
Welcome to the network. You'll get a lot of support here and it's our diagnosis that brings us together in the first place. I can't imagine what it would be like experiencing chemo with young children. I've just completed AC, and despite having two teenage children, have managed to stumble through. Don't feel guilty, you do need to take time to recover. Hopefully you have a supportive partner and family/friends to organise play dates with other children? Take all support available and don't knock back offers of dinner cooked for you.
BC takes an enormous toll on our bodies and mind. You can do this. I did find the last AC particularly difficult.
I'm about to start the YWCA encore program tomorrow and I noticed they have an under 45s group in Sydney. (I miss out by 3 years!) I'm not sure where you are, but something like that might be helpful for you later.
Sending big cyber hugs your wash. Be kind to yourself
Karen xx
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Hi Beck,
I want to welcome you to the sight the best thing I ever did was join this online network which my breast care nurse recommended, it's so hard when we have young children my daughter is 9 and I was really worried how she would handle it all but she's very resilient but I know what you mean about not having the energy to play with your children because I feel the same way I can't play with her like I used to but one thing that brightens your day is when your children give you kisses and cuddles and just having quality time whether it be reading to them which is what I do or colouring you a picture or you colouring pictures with them and most importantly you need support and accept help if you can I have 2 wonderful Breast Care Nurses trained by the Mcgrath Foundation and sometimes I don't know how I would get along without them and the ladies on here you are never alone and we are women here us ROAR we are going to beat this and live on to see our children grow as one thing Cancer can't take from you is your spirit and positive outlook on life, sending you a big cuddle and a smile.
Anitaxx
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Hi Beck,
I found at the midway point of my chemo I really didn't know how I would go on but somehow you find a way. One good day can do wonders for your mental health. I am 36 and have a very spirited 3 year old and some days I just can't be the best mum I would like to be but I give him as much love in others ways as possible. It's hard not to feel guilty but kids are amazingly resilient as I have found out. I hope you will not be too hard on yourself we really do have to take it easy at times.
Big hugs Emma
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Hi Beck
welcome but I'm sorry you've had to join us. As women and mums we are very good about feeling guilty about things. The thing is, this is a valuable learning curve for your children. They will learn resilience, patience, empathy, a little more self reliance and that mummy is a person as well as a parent. None of us would want our kids to learn these skills through this experience but we have to take some good out of it. Reading, colouring, watching shows together that they love, listening to music together are all still quality time with the kids. Perhaps even some art and crafts. No you aren't going to feel up to it all the time and no it's not the same as running around with the kids but it is still special. It's is so hard to keep your spirit up when you're in the middle of chemo. Your body is screaming for you to stop but you know you have to continue on. You will get through it. It's not easy but think of it as short term pain for long term gain. Try to plan something nice that you enjoy for a day that you aren't feeling too bad. And yes, take every single offer of help. Take care and be kind to yourself. Karen xox
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Hi Beck, and welcome to our network. You'll find lots of support here, and it does make a difference to check in here during your treatment. Having chemo is really tough, it sucks. Just take it 1 treatment at a time and it won't seem as daunting. Keep checking in with us along the way, there's plenty of sound advice and support, and you'll make lots of connections with people who understand. Sending you a big cuddle, Trace ??????
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Hi Beck,
Welcome to this network and I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling. I'm pretty new to this network and only posted my first blog few weeks a ago. I was surprised how supportive people here are. You will get all the advice and help you will need here.
I'm currently going under my 2nd chemo and finding it hard to cope. I have a 4 yr old boy and I can understand how you feel.
We are all here to support each other so don't be afraid to ask any questions or just to write to get things out of your chest.
We are all doing this to get better! All the best!
Shirley xxx
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Hi Beck,
I don't understand all of what you are going through as we have different diagnoses and thus a different treatment approach but I do understand the guilt with regards to your children.
We're the same age too! :-)
I am typing this from my phone with my right hand as my 7 week old sleeps on my left arm and I dare not wake her now!
My biggest guilty feeling was finding out I couldn't breast feed her. I am yet to have a mastectomy but one is planned about 6 months from now once chemo finishes but as my cancer is hormone sensitive, it was picked up at 37 weeks pregnant, breastfeeding would increase the hormones and promote the cancer.
I also have guilt that she was induced earlier than she was "ready" and all of these things are for my benefit, not hers. And I get the not playing so much thing although she is only just old enough now for play but for me it is more about having to leave her with my husband or my Mum so I could go to appointments or have surgery etc.
I just remind myself that I am doing all this to be her Mummy long term and that is so much more important than a few missed play sessions here and there. Try as much as you can to think about the big picture and like everyone else has said, accept any offers of help that come your way. I certainly have and it's one thing I don't feel guilty about.
Good effort on joining bcna as hopefully reading others stories and these replies helps maintain your sanity!
I can't imagine what it must be like with 2 little munchkins running around but I'm sure you are doing your best! At least I can put mine in one place and she stays put... for now!!
Best of luck and please stay in touch if you wish. xx
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Hello Beck,
My name is Jess from BCNA. I just wanted to jump in and say hello and to let you know that there is also a online support group for young women that you might like to connect with. If you would like to have a look, you can find the group here: https://www.bcna.org.au/online-network/groups/young-women-online-support
If you need any help on the online network, connecting with other members or finding your way around, please just let me know.
Jess
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Sounds to me like you are almost through the worst. AC is soooo much harder than the Taxol for most people. The nausea from the AC does your head in.
Now would be the time to call in every last favour you are owed to get you through this last AC.
Hopefully knowing it is the last one and you are on the downhill run after that will help.
hang in there.
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I just wanted to say thank you to everyone that commented. Your words of encouragement are really appreciated. I will try and reply personally when I get the chance. I'm feeling good this week so trying to fit in lots with the kids. Thanks again ? Beck
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Thanks Emma. I'm now at half way mark so trying to stay positive. It just amazes me how many people our age going through this. It's heartbreaking. Hope you are doing well.
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