Uncertainty about the future - Mum's brain metastasis

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  • scotty
    scotty Member Posts: 32
    edited August 2015
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    Hi Jeska,I'm really sorry for your Mum's prognosis and I hope she can have a good outcome. I'm not meaning to down or offend you but we try to comfort and build each other up on this site I don't think this site is where you should be asking these questions on here we all have had our journey with breast cancer and are mostly frightened ourselves.I know your post has put the fear of God into me I don't know how other members feel about that. It would have been better to discuss this with your Mum's oncologist or GP please don't think I lack compassion for you it's just that I'm scared too and we all live this fear daily about cancer coming back and spreading I know it all has consumed my life I am a nervous wreck most days and when I come on this site I feel comforted  but as I said your post has frightened me. I'm quite surprised you were allowed to post it.

  • Mira
    Mira Member Posts: 678 ✭
    edited August 2015
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    Hi Scotty,

    I don't have any problem with Jeska's post.  I think its an important topic and I hope that we were able to give her some comfort and help. 

    It's okay to be scared of your cancer coming back but if its consuming your life then maybe you need to find some ways to deal with it?  I know relaxation podcasts have helped me a lot, as has exercise.  I'm not sure what your status is with your cancer at the moment, but don't let the fear of it eat you up faster than the disease does (if that makes sense?) 

    We all need to be here for each other.

    cheers

    Mira

     

  • Jeska
    Jeska Member Posts: 20
    edited August 2015
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    Hi Scotty I'm so so sorry I scared you, I didn't mean to at all. I feel awful that I made you feel that way, I can delete it if you like

  • Kazzi
    Kazzi Member Posts: 263 ✭
    edited August 2015
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    Hi Jeska,

    Welcome to the network.  It's such a difficult time for you and your mum.  I agree with the suggestion with speaking to someone on the Cancer Council hotline.  I'm sure they'll give you suggestions on the right approach.  Ask the doctors lots of quesitons, sometimes information isn't offered if the quesiton isn't asked.

    Sending you big hugs,

    Karen xx

  • Smek30
    Smek30 Member Posts: 1
    edited August 2015
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    Hi Jeska wish you all the very best for what is a heartbreaking experience. Good on you for writing in here it's really necessary to seek support being a carer and helping your mother as best yiu can . My mother was diagnosed about 15 weeks ago stage four we are near the end of her journey ! It's the hardest thing to deal with. Just do what she exactly wants treatment or no treatment as my gorgeous mother decided. This returned after five years of clearance and I want to share that as that was her choice to not go on and have further treatment asvshebthought she was all clear. I think yes for sure talk with her and her doctors in a three way chat or skype . Then with the facts your can only best move forward what suits your mother she the best! Wish u all the very best my mother is 87 and she's she has lived a good life keep telling her u love her and will do what ever is best for her thanks for sharing I know it's so tough my heart is broken., kind regards smek31 

  • TonyaM
    TonyaM Member Posts: 2,836 ✭
    edited August 2015
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    Hi Jeska, so sorry to hear about your mum. I have just been through a similar journey with my mum. She needed emergency surgery and as a result,got diagnosed with liver cancer. She was 81 and trying to recover from huge surgery and an infection when the oncologist stood at the end of her bed to tell her she'd only have 6mths to live. I was annoyed with him but mum took it on the chin and opted for no chemo.I nursed her at home and she believed she'd die in 6mths and so stopped 'living'.She lived for another 14mths and had good quality of life and good care.(I'm a nurse).Before any medical appointments  I would talk with mum and write down all the questions we wanted to ask.Mum needed to still have some control.Your mum is a lot younger and she has hope and still feels ok.I guess I'm saying that no doctor can predict how long your mum has and it sounds like she's not ready to discuss that topic yet.Perhaps write down her questions before the appointment but allow her to do the talking- prompting her if she forgets and writing down everything her doctor says? It's hard being the carer but you sound like a lovely daughter and you'll do just fine.You are most welcome at this network.Cancer is scary whether it's early, a recurrence, metastisized or happening to your loved one. Big hug- Tonya xx

  • Jeska
    Jeska Member Posts: 20
    edited August 2015
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    I think this is a good idea, I'll sit down with her prior to the appointment and see what specific things she doesn't understand and form some questions from there that will give us both some information. She does have a tendency to just smile and nod and pretend she gets what's going on because she is too overwhelmed to ask about things she doesn't understand so if I can write some things down and help her have a clearer idea then that would be good.

  • Jeska
    Jeska Member Posts: 20
    edited September 2015
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    Hey guys

    Just wanted to post a quick update about this. I went down to my mums for a visit last week and was able to attend an appointment with her. She had the radiation on her brain about 3-4 weeks ago and the radiologist did a few little things to test her reflexes and coordination and balance and all that was fine. He said that combined with her lack of headaches or other symptoms makes him believe that at the very least the brain tumour probably hasn't gotten bigger and as such he's willing to give the radiation an extra few weeks to have its full benefit before doing more scans and moving on to the next thing. I'm not sure what this will mean long term but in the short term at least it seems positive.

    Just wanted to thank you all for the kind words, it has really helped :)

  • rowdy
    rowdy Member Posts: 1,165 ✭
    edited September 2015
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    Hi that is great news one day at a time. Your mum is lucky to have you there with her, take carexx

  • Jess_BCNA
    Jess_BCNA Member Posts: 475
    edited September 2015
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    Hi Jeska, I am really pleased to hear that you found the online network a supportive place and that you were able to go along to the appointment with your mum ~please know that the network is always avaliable, and if you need any help in the network or finding additional support services, please just get in touch ~  Jess x

  • Mira
    Mira Member Posts: 678 ✭
    edited September 2015
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    Thanks for the update Jeska, I was wondering how it was going.  That's great news that it hasn't got any bigger.

    cheers

    Mira

  • Kazzi
    Kazzi Member Posts: 263 ✭
    edited September 2015
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    Thanks for the update Jeska, I wondering how your mum was going.  That's great news that it's responding. Stay in touch. Karen xx

  • Rosemaryc
    Rosemaryc Member Posts: 93 ✭
    edited September 2015
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    Hi Jeska

    Glad to hear the news. All the best

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