I feel like a fool

A bit late on the reply but this story resonates with my chimpanzee hair that sticks straight up in the air, get out there and show them you are a survivor! Be proud, i no longer care  i go out el naturelle' with my hit or miss hair i am  survivor

Sorry to hear you had this breakdown but people have to understand that it is traumatic when you don't feel your best and think you don't look your best. I'm glad you have a wig, they do look like your real hair and maybe you can just wear it for the time you have to and take it off when you feel comfortable.

Your hair takes around 6 months to grow back and mine is like a curly mop thats been dumped on me. It grows uneven but I'm not paying a hairdresser lots of money to just trim it all to the same size. People don't notice and it's nice to feel your hair again as you can't feel the wig and always concious if it has slipped or uneven when you have hair underneath.

I hope the day turns out to be much easier than you thought and you have a lovely time. Sounds like you have a really nice boss.

xx

You are right I think about it going deeper.

I often find people console you on things like- your eyebrows will grow back, such and such went through early menopause etc etc.. but I think that if any average human was told they would experience just one of the things we go through (eyebrow loss, hair loss, early menopause, breast surgery, increased risk of mortality, high risk of recurrence, chemo etc etc) they would find that one thing, at the very least, mildly devastating. We get it all and I think that processing it all takes time and mini breakdowns are all a part of that. 

so glad you're feeling better and hope the day outs good if you end up going:)

Tanya

Rowdy, your friend was right, I didn't had a tear ever since I was diagonised in Nov 2013, and a series of treatment, until now start the Tamoxifen.  

My bucket was full too that I was not aware of.  I am just an ordinary human.

Rosanna

p.s. I was the worst, that was in Christmas week.  The Government allocated me a public housing (in a month time upon my application)  I finally withdraw from them and cried for 1 week.  I dont know why, even I can't walk into the complex, and the officer hold my hand to walk into the unit when inspection.  After that, I felt myself so so so nasty.  So many people out there wait and wait for ages, but I was so lucky and grant in a month time, and turn out, I gave it up.    I was damn nasty.

HI sweetheart, I had the same feeling of panic attack, even though I completed chemo in JUNE, when requesting to crowd area.

I thought I was back to normal but emotionally or mentally was not ready yet.  

I should had a gathering of 4 in Jan, it turned out was 20 people and at the entrance of the restaurant, I turned myself away and back home.  I was so sorry for that, but tears came from the heart and dont know why.    Then I finally sat down for the Chinese New Year dinner last week, it was so crowded with Lion Dance, I was stress, sweat, and shaking.  I always thought of because the Tamoxifen cause me in this way.  I know myself even hiding up from eye contact to people.  

It's no good for me, especially I usually not active to activity at all.  I always do things, like shopping, eating by myself.   I may turn out myself in more exclusive and isolated at the end :(

Rosanna

A panic attack is so horrible - even worse when in public.  I too have the regrowth, chimpanzee look but only feel comfortable at home with a bare head. I always wear my wig out in public or a head scarf/wrap thingy.  I was able to borrow all mine from a local "wig library" located at Gosford hospital on the Central Coast.  It made such a difference to my confidence out in public.  Do you have anything like that in your area?

The other place that are wonderful for free head gear, is the Cancer Council - they usually have sewing groups that make lovely things for them.

I hope your horrible feeling of anxiety passes soon, and you'll look forward to the event instead of dreading it.  As I remind myself when I get that washing over feeling of a panic attack - "this too will pass" - and I give a sigh of relief when I'm seeing things more optimistically again.

xx

Please don't feel like a fool. It is hard to deal with the way our looks change. I still get a shock when I look i the mirror at myself. I have regrowth but its white so not really noticeable but with some long strands. I think I look like Gollum. My husband tells me off every time I whisper "Precious" in his ear.

When do you have to go? Wear a huge glamorous hat or a gorgeous flower behind your ear. If there is someone at work you trust to speak to, get them on board. Us girls always love to make grooming suggestions and lend our pretty things.