Sad and lonely

Hi angea

I hope you are feeling a little better now since your post. I do hope your recovery is going ok. I have TNBC with mets and its only been 6 weeks. I have been surrounded by lovely helpers, and meetups with another lady with early breast cancer. I am attending the local breast cancer support group tonight and thought you might like to do this too. There is bound to be one in your area. I have actually felt ok through my chemo and so I have declined offers to drive me. My ex husband was offering, so I have been blessed with loads of help. However, I am enjoying my independence through this and feel I will call on others when I truly need them. All the very best. Sue

Hello,

I have just found the BCNA series podcasts with Dr Tottman that everyone mentioned and I have listened to the first 2 episodes in series one and they have been so helpful to put words and reason to feelings I have experienced like you. I had such a mix of reactions from friends and family - helpful, not helpful, stress inducing, isolating - Dr Tottman helped me understand why I felt isolated and why those that love you most just might 'not get it' or be able to help you as you expected they would.

I will never forget someone I barely knew at work coming up to me at my desk and saying they had heard mutterings about my health and she said "I know you will be fine" but instead of feeling fabulous after her comment I felt even more isolated.  Dr Tottman talks about what she calls "positive pressure" that well meaning people might say with the best intent but all it does is make you feel more isolated.  I can't say enough that this podcast has helped me a lot.  I can't listen to more than one a day as it is also sitting with people discussing cancer but it has made such a difference for me: What You Don't Know Until You Do

Hi angea​ You've been through so much so please be patient with yourself.   If you need to have a big cry, do it! If you feel you may be getting depressed, please reach out to a councellor / phone BCNA support number. I was diagnosed with high grade DCIS in November last year.  I had a double mastectomy with immediate implants.  I didn't go back to work until the end of January and the first 4 weeks were HORRIBLE!  There is no way I would have been able to get back to work any sooner. I think everyone on here can agree the waiting for results is absolute torture.  I had a few 'unhelpful' comments along the lines of 'oh, you didn't require treatment so you can't really say you've had the whole breast cancer experience' which at the time had me thinking that I shouldn't be complaining about anything.  We each have our own bc journey; it won't be the same as someone else with the same diagnosis because our bodies are unique and we all respond differently to recovery time, getting back on our feet etc.  You aren't being unreasonable by lack of visitors; you obviously enjoy your friends and there's nothing wrong with that. I know of someone who invited a different person around for coffee each day of her recovery, just so that she knew she would have a friendly face each day (she lives alone).  All the best with your results!

Hiangea​ 

No need to be sad and lonely  in this forum - we all “ get it” in a way most people will never .

No question is too “ silly” on here .

Most breast cancer patients will go on to make a full recovery and this website includes a wealth of information. .

I wish you all the very best in your journey.

🌺

angea I wasn't really brave but I just didn't really understand why no one helped me. I was a bit desperate I guess. I think my circle of friends just really don't get how it is. I have mets and about to start chemo iv. I have been through other treatment but this is now a bit confronting and still people have not helped us. We get messages of support which is nice. I have had some phone calls and one friend has offered to drive me to chemo and keep me company. I am grateful 🙏 for that. 

Thank you lovely people for your kind replies. I had three different friends show up to visit today which I was not expecting… after reading your responses, I will definitely look to keeping myself busy and doing what makes me happy. X

angea it's about them, not you. I had great support from husband and my son and his family. My friends are ok but they didn't do anything out of the ordinary. A couple visited but most just kept going with life. They would continue to invite me and I would go out if I was able too. I've never had anyone offer me a lift, cook a meal or do extra stuff for me. I did a Facebook post and even said what help I needed and only one person responded with a meal voucher. I guess i have learnt to expect nothing and take great joy when something wonderful happens. It is disappointing sometimes but your here, your doing ok and everything will get better. Perhaps life is showing you what it is you can focus on. Stay hopeful and enjoy the special moments. Best wishes 

SO Sorry to see you joining our 'club', angea​ - the one no-one ever thought they'd join  :(   You've had 2 lots of surgeries & are still in recovery - so it is pretty natural to be a bit sad  - Let your tears flow .... I think many of us have gone thru some sadness, even a bit of depression now & then .... iserbrown​ has given some great advice - I am sure that chatting with our helpline on Monday morning will help you xx

Also, Consider checking out Charlotte Tottman's podcasts on her own cancer story - she is a specialist cancer psychologist who was diagnosed herself with BC and had a double mastectomy, choosing to remain flat.   She 'thought' she knew what most of the 'procedure' would be - so was really surprised when she had similar reactions to her own clients ... and she talks about it, what she expected vs what happened.  She is very easy to listen to - You can just listen to individual sessions, or just start at the 1st one & work your way thru.  xx    What You Don't Know Until You Do ....
http://www.drcharlottetottman.com.au/my-podcast.html

Sadly, this diagnosis mucks more with our brains even more than your body, I reckon ... I just try & keep myself as busy as I can, doing things I love doing. This all depends on your recovery too - just do 'stuff' as you are able to  xx    

Take care & all the best

https://www.bcna.org.au/resources/treatments/dcis-treatment/dcis-grades-and-pathology/

The BCNA website is a wealth of information 

Hopefully this link or a search of the website may help you

Welcome to the forum and being so honest in where you feel you are at emotionally. 

What you will find is support comes from the most unexpected places!  Friends, family, as you noted, have their own lives, issues et cetera   

Comparing yourself to someone else, a work colleague isn't helping you.  It's a so and so however everyone handles it in their own way.  Your colleague has her way, you have yours.  Don't feel selfish - it’s a major event in your life.

Perhaps ringing BCNA Helpline or engaging with a Psychologist may help you.  Acceptance is the key.

Find time to take a deep breath, make a cuppa or enjoy a wander in the fresh air!

Best wishes for your further results

Take care