IVF.....What should I do?

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JT82
JT82 Member Posts: 30
edited January 2015 in Health and wellbeing
I am currently waiting to begin 6 cycles of TCH, after having a lumpectomy on 6 Jan. After quite a bit of agonizing, i have decided to go ahead with a cycle of IVF.

My problem is I just cant seem to feel confident with my decision either way. Im terrified of the.potential consequences of delaying chemo, not to mention possibly stimulating my cancer with the oestrogen (triple positive) .

Despite the fact my oncologist is fine with it. Im also very worried that I would regret missing the opportunity to have another child. I already have one beautiful daughter, and i cant help but wonder if im being selfish and reckless trying for another.

I know its more important for my daughter to have a mother than a sibling.

Im just struggling so much with this, I would love to hear any opinions.......

Comments

  • TonyaM
    TonyaM Member Posts: 2,836 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    A young woman in my bc support group had a baby'naturally' about a year after chemo.Could you ask your oncologist if this is a possibility for you?I guess it depends on age and type of chemo.It is such a dilemma for you.I don't know what I would do. Keep asking questions/opinions until you feel at peace with a decision.
    Tonya xx
  • TonyaM
    TonyaM Member Posts: 2,836 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    A young woman in my bc support group had a baby'naturally' about a year after chemo.Could you ask your oncologist if this is a possibility for you?I guess it depends on age and type of chemo.It is such a dilemma for you.I don't know what I would do. Keep asking questions/opinions until you feel at peace with a decision.
    Tonya xx
  • KimH
    KimH Member Posts: 23 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    Hi there :)
    So sorry that you have this decision hanging over you luv.
    I don't know if I could help at all but I know what you mean. Nobody could tell me at the time if one lot of ivf ( stimulation) would promote cancer growth. They either ignored it and knew that it was the only chance I had to have one child, or think the risk is minimal.
    If I had one child I may not have tried for another. It's tough. I Just know that I want maximum % chance of survival. Perhaps ask the fertility specialist or oncologist what they think the difference is in recurrence and survival if you do have a round of Ivf? May I ask your age luv (I was 31 at diagnosis, now 34 & Hormone positive but her 2 neg). I like your attitude about knowing that it's important to your daughter to have a mother and not another sibling - and I wish there was an easy answer. I'm an only child and so is my mum- and I really need my mum xxx
  • KimH
    KimH Member Posts: 23 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    Hi there :)
    So sorry that you have this decision hanging over you luv.
    I don't know if I could help at all but I know what you mean. Nobody could tell me at the time if one lot of ivf ( stimulation) would promote cancer growth. They either ignored it and knew that it was the only chance I had to have one child, or think the risk is minimal.
    If I had one child I may not have tried for another. It's tough. I Just know that I want maximum % chance of survival. Perhaps ask the fertility specialist or oncologist what they think the difference is in recurrence and survival if you do have a round of Ivf? May I ask your age luv (I was 31 at diagnosis, now 34 & Hormone positive but her 2 neg). I like your attitude about knowing that it's important to your daughter to have a mother and not another sibling - and I wish there was an easy answer. I'm an only child and so is my mum- and I really need my mum xxx
  • Jarlou
    Jarlou Member Posts: 2
    edited March 2015
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    Hi JT82,

    I so very difficult to give any advice and assist with decision making however I wanted to share a little of my story with you, hopefully you will get some hope from my learnings.  I am coming up to 3 years since diagnosis in April this year, at the time I had a 10 month old bub.  Never ever feel selfish and reckless for wanting to grow your family - I to have felt that several times, on occassions I have even had friends react negatively to my strong desire to want more children.  If I had my chance to do IVF prior to my chemo I would do it in a heart beat (unfortunately at the time we did not decide to do this).  It is entirely a personal decision however I hope you feel supported by your Oncologists support - I was 32 at diagnosis (and triple negative - the opposite to your diagnosis!!) and the chemo knocked my fertility around fairly roughly.  Biologically it is like I have advanced 10 years! 

    I have felt guilt around wanting another child however I am very settled with it now - the reality is that you still want the same thing post cancer diagnosis as you do prior to cancer, it is just that that is the massive thing in your life that now affects your decisions for your future!  We are both very blessed to have our beautiful bubs, of course, but to want another takes nothing away from that - so plan hard for the future and be good to yourself.  The decisions you make today are for today and we can only cross fingers and hope for the best right!!!

    Take care of you and your family, good luck with the chemo!

    P.S - I ended up having IVF following all of the treatment etc. and my fertility had dropped, every situation is different however dont I wish I had a fairy on my shoulder at the time telling me what to do!!!

    Thinking of you, Louisa!

     

  • JT82
    JT82 Member Posts: 30
    edited March 2015
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    Hi Kym, thanks so much for your comments :)
    I will be 33 in April. Im an only child too! I was incredibly close to my Mum also. My Mum died from lung cancer just 8 months ago, and I miss her terribly. You never stop needing your Mum! That is part of the reason im so scared of making this stupid cancer worse.
    I know how very lucky I already am, and im really starting to think I have a responsibility to my daughter to do all I can to beat this, with no more delay.....
    I wish you all the very best with your IVF xx
    Jane
  • JT82
    JT82 Member Posts: 30
    edited March 2015
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    Yes, I sure do wish for that fairy on my shoulder, or perhaps a crystal ball!
    Thank you so much for your insight.....there are quite a few similarities in our stories!
    No matter what I decide, I will always want another baby, you are right about that.
    Its funny, everything I'm reading and hearing suggests it would be reasonable for me to proceed.......but my gut instinct is screaming NO. I dont want to make a decision out of fear, but I cant ignore this feeling. My cancer is strongly ER and PR positive. I felt it in October the size of a pea, and it was 3.1cm at surgery. I was told it couldn't have grown that quickly..... Well it did!
    I think I have decided to not go ahead. I feel sad but strangely at peace with this decision. But guilty too, like I am ruining my future family.....my husband is very supportive but he will be very sad if we have no more children too.
    Gee, cancer sucks :(
    Xx J
  • JT82
    JT82 Member Posts: 30
    edited March 2015
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    Yes, I sure do wish for that fairy on my shoulder, or perhaps a crystal ball!
    Thank you so much for your insight.....there are quite a few similarities in our stories!
    No matter what I decide, I will always want another baby, you are right about that.
    Its funny, everything I'm reading and hearing suggests it would be reasonable for me to proceed.......but my gut instinct is screaming NO. I dont want to make a decision out of fear, but I cant ignore this feeling. My cancer is strongly ER and PR positive. I felt it in October the size of a pea, and it was 3.1cm at surgery. I was told it couldn't have grown that quickly..... Well it did!
    I think I have decided to not go ahead. I feel sad but strangely at peace with this decision. But guilty too, like I am ruining my future family.....my husband is very supportive but he will be very sad if we have no more children too.
    Gee, cancer sucks :(
    Xx J
  • JT82
    JT82 Member Posts: 30
    edited March 2015
    Options
    Yes, I sure do wish for that fairy on my shoulder, or perhaps a crystal ball!
    Thank you so much for your insight.....there are quite a few similarities in our stories!
    No matter what I decide, I will always want another baby, you are right about that.
    Its funny, everything I'm reading and hearing suggests it would be reasonable for me to proceed.......but my gut instinct is screaming NO. I dont want to make a decision out of fear, but I cant ignore this feeling. My cancer is strongly ER and PR positive. I felt it in October the size of a pea, and it was 3.1cm at surgery. I was told it couldn't have grown that quickly..... Well it did!
    I think I have decided to not go ahead. I feel sad but strangely at peace with this decision. But guilty too, like I am ruining my future family.....my husband is very supportive but he will be very sad if we have no more children too.
    Gee, cancer sucks :(
    Xx J
  • Mita
    Mita Member Posts: 48
    edited March 2015
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    My apologies if you know all this infromation, anyway, but IVF Australia sets out a number of options for women before they start their cancer treatment

    http://ivf.com.au/fertility-treatment/fertility-preservation/female-fertility-preservation

    My warmest thoughts to you  & your family in the decision you've had to make.  

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