Self image
I'm new to the LLL group but I would like to share my story and ask a few questions.
I was diagnosed with DCIS in September and a had mastectomy at the end of October on one side. I will be having my other breast removed and reconstruction in March. I did not need to have any other treatment no chemo or radio or tamoxifen.
I started menopause about 18 months ago and have had sporadic hot flushes night sweats moodiness and vaginal dryness, most of the time it's bearable.
It's good to be able to share some of my more intimate problems as I feel I can't talk to anyone else.
I recovered well from the mastectomy and was back at work on light duties after two weeks. I have just returned to the gym and doing Aqua classes which I have found to be quite ok even with my one boob.
Me and my partner have always enjoyed going into the city for a dance on a Saturday night, at the moment I'm really struggling with my body image. I have a prosthesis which helps with the external side of things.
On the inside I really don't like my body anymore when I get dressed or undressed I'm reminded of my missing boob. I have lost all my confidence in the way I look now. I never thought I was really that into boobs anyway seems I was wrong. Everywhere I used to go seems to be full of young women with lovely boobs and oodles of confidence, I used to be that person.
I don't know how to get back to that and wonder if I will ever feel the same again.
Sexually I feel the same it's hard for me to enjoy sex like I used to. I realise that there is other ways without boobs but I feel sad that I have lost that part of sex.
Is this normal? Do these feelings last? My partner has been fantastic in getting me out and about walking and cycling again. He has not seen my body naked since the mastectomy and I know he feels very awkward about this as he doesn't want to have the wrong reaction when he does.
I would love to hear what other women have done to get there head around all of these thoughts and feelings as I don't know what to do with them. Thank you.
Louise
Comments
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Hi Louise
I can't compare as I have only had a lumpectomy but it does affect your self image. My husband doesn't want to look as he is extremely squeamish at the best of times. He won't even look at where my port is let alone touch me. I have literally just finished 33 radiotherapy treatments and am burnt and blistered. Hubby won't come near me. We no longer have a sex life as my girlie bits have shrivelled up and died, waiting to see the oncologist for suggestions as my gp couldn't help.
I don't have any answers and truly do wonder if things will ever get better on that front. I'm very particular in the clothes that I wear so that none of my breast/s is showing in any way. I am very conscious that they aren't the same size now so don't wear anything tight either. I guess we get used to it eventually. I certainly hope so! Good luck with it all. Karen xox0 -
What you are going through is very normal...just not much fun. I had a left mastectomy and a rebuild with expanders then implants. As I was almost 60 I was well into menopause when the Cancer turned up. Unfortunately it was my husbands favourite boob and he is still trying to bond with the real one on the other side. Lol. I am not sure how well your scaring is healing but mine was slow. On the nights I felt very sensitive about the missing boob I would wear a stretchy lacy top to bed. It just made me feel better. It has probably taken a year, and a new nipple for me to be very comfortable about wandering around naked like I used to. I do feel sorry for the husbands tho. They try so hard not to do or say the wrong thing, well the nice ones anyway. As for seeing the missing bit for the first time, I gave my husband two whiskeys then whipped off the dressings. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at his reaction. He looked like a stunned mullet but recovered enough to pour himself another whiskey! This was 12 months ago. Sex is slowly recovering some of its spark, thanks to info from this groups shared experiences. I don't know that he will ever be fond of my rebuilt boob BUT it is pretty good in clothes. I swim in my usual swimsuit, wear low cut tops and have perkier boobs than in my 20's. Everything has an upside. It gets better. Laugh together. Don't take reactions too personally or seriously. We are very fortunate women. Stay in touch. This is a group you can talk about anything in. Love to you both. Julie
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What you are going through is very normal...just not much fun. I had a left mastectomy and a rebuild with expanders then implants. As I was almost 60 I was well into menopause when the Cancer turned up. Unfortunately it was my husbands favourite boob and he is still trying to bond with the real one on the other side. Lol. I am not sure how well your scaring is healing but mine was slow. On the nights I felt very sensitive about the missing boob I would wear a stretchy lacy top to bed. It just made me feel better. It has probably taken a year, and a new nipple for me to be very comfortable about wandering around naked like I used to. I do feel sorry for the husbands tho. They try so hard not to do or say the wrong thing, well the nice ones anyway. As for seeing the missing bit for the first time, I gave my husband two whiskeys then whipped off the dressings. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at his reaction. He looked like a stunned mullet but recovered enough to pour himself another whiskey! This was 12 months ago. Sex is slowly recovering some of its spark, thanks to info from this groups shared experiences. I don't know that he will ever be fond of my rebuilt boob BUT it is pretty good in clothes. I swim in my usual swimsuit, wear low cut tops and have perkier boobs than in my 20's. Everything has an upside. It gets better. Laugh together. Don't take reactions too personally or seriously. We are very fortunate women. Stay in touch. This is a group you can talk about anything in. Love to you both. Julie
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What you are going through is very normal...just not much fun. I had a left mastectomy and a rebuild with expanders then implants. As I was almost 60 I was well into menopause when the Cancer turned up. Unfortunately it was my husbands favourite boob and he is still trying to bond with the real one on the other side. Lol. I am not sure how well your scaring is healing but mine was slow. On the nights I felt very sensitive about the missing boob I would wear a stretchy lacy top to bed. It just made me feel better. It has probably taken a year, and a new nipple for me to be very comfortable about wandering around naked like I used to. I do feel sorry for the husbands tho. They try so hard not to do or say the wrong thing, well the nice ones anyway. As for seeing the missing bit for the first time, I gave my husband two whiskeys then whipped off the dressings. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at his reaction. He looked like a stunned mullet but recovered enough to pour himself another whiskey! This was 12 months ago. Sex is slowly recovering some of its spark, thanks to info from this groups shared experiences. I don't know that he will ever be fond of my rebuilt boob BUT it is pretty good in clothes. I swim in my usual swimsuit, wear low cut tops and have perkier boobs than in my 20's. Everything has an upside. It gets better. Laugh together. Don't take reactions too personally or seriously. We are very fortunate women. Stay in touch. This is a group you can talk about anything in. Love to you both. Julie
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Good to hear the treatment is over. Be kind to yourself as the physical healing takes place. You must be very sore. From my experience with dryness, UTIs and tearing vaginal skin, there are vaginal and vulval moisturisers that work. For those who choose to go with oestrogen cream or pessaries, those have great success. I can't understand why your GP was not able to help so I hope your Oncologist is more informed.
I am determined to recover my sex life, I understand it will be different than before but I think work will make it better. The physical barriers are probably easier tho than the mental ones! Wishing you fast healing and a happier 2015. Love. Julie0 -
Hi Julie. Have tried replens and sylk but it's got to the stage that my hubby can't even enter me. Gp didn't know what else to suggest as he didn't think the oestrogen creams were for me, hence why I will ask the oncologist. Yes I am a bit sore currently after radiotherapy but doing ok with it all. I still have 6 months of herceptin infusions every 3 weeks but definitely feel as though I am through the worst of it. It's funny but I think I actually embarrassed my gp. I have been seeing him for nearly 30 years and he has always been fantastic on every level but this one threw him. Mind you, I'm on lots of meds for another health issue and he is very conscious of what will interact with my other meds. I do hope the onc can help as I miss that intimacy.
Karen xox0 -
Hi Karen,
I was very sad to hear about all that you have been through and realize I'm very lucky not to have had further treatment.
I have yet to discover how I will feel after reconstruction but I'm trying to stay positive although sometimes that's impossible.
I have lots of clothes that I will not wear at the moment if ever again. I have bought a couple of loose tops that I can hide in. I'm sleeping in old t shirts too.
I was thinking maybe I need a whole new wardrobe, I have tried shopping for clothes but I'm very self conscious and usually end up coming home empty handed. Then I think why bother as I might need different things after reconstruction.
It's a very confusing time...
Wishing you all the best in your recovery
Louise x0 -
Hi Julie,
Thank you for your kind reply makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only one going through this and that I can talk about things.
I loved your giving him a couple of whiskes before you whipped off your dressings that was so brave of you.
Your advice about not taking reactions so personally or seriously has hit a spot and I believe me and my partner are over thinking and worrying what might happen. This has got me thinking about just getting it over with, maybe I will choose New Years when he's had a few beers!
Louise x0 -
Just picked up your message as I have been away overnight with my step-son showing him around the local Oman mountain area.
Yep a couple of beers just might do it. You might need a stiff wine or two. Pleased it hit a chord. We worry so much and spend way too much time being unhappy. My plan, it doesn't always work, is to just have as much fun as I can. Try shopping for a lacy stretchy top. The women in DJs are wonderful.... I always go there when I make it back to Oz for appointments. Where do you live Louise?
Love Julie0 -
Hi Julie,
I googled Oman mountain what a beautiful place, do you live there?
I'm in Adelaide South Australia.
I decide New Years eve was going to be my show and tell night, we had a great night out. My partner was quite drunk me stone cold sober I'm not drinking at the moment I read somewhere it helps with the hot flushes... They are back with a vengeance at night.
I finally got out of him what he was worried about thinking he may be turned off or upset and what he said was he was worried he might laugh as he has visions of a squashed soccer ball. He did laugh at his aunts funeral it's what he did rather than cry... Men are strange beasts. Anyway he said he would look in the morning, I told him I really wanted a picture to post on here.
Well in the morning I wasn't going to let him off the hook, I just said it's about time and whipped off my nightie, he looked then winced and looked away then back again. I explained that I wasn't upset by his reaction and that was the first time he'd seen it and I've been looking at it every day for weeks. After a bit he said I understand more now and can understand my wanting a reconstruction. So it was a win got us talking. The fear was definitely worse than the doing. I feel quite liberated now and realize it was something I really needed to do.
Thank you so much for your support, you made a difference0 -
So pleased you got there. Well done good and brave liberated woman! Now you can go through the reconstruction together and it won't be so bad. Yes Oman is beautiful. I love it here. We are here on contract until October. Making the most of it!
We live by the sea in Azaiba, Muscat and have adopted a rescue cat, a feral Arabian Mau. She is amazing and definitely part of the family.
Adelaide is a pretty city. There is an active group there I think. Anyway good luck with planning the reconstruction.
Love. Julie.0 -
I had a double masectomy in October and have chest expanders at the moment. They are like hard boulders until I have the next operation. My husband does not go near them, but I make a point of doing things as I use to. We only have one bathroom, so the kids come in when I am in the shower. They are use to the scars and the look post masectomy and have no problems now with it. I suggest not to hide it so that everyone in the house gets use to the new you. I find sex difficult as I feel only half a women, however as my husband reminds me - at least i am alive and present. Sometimes I need to give myself this reality check that I may not have sexy boobs, but I have my family and they have me.
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Yep those expanders are very uncomfortable. You won't know yourself when you have your exchange! They are still firmer than the old fleshy breasts but hey, they can look pretty good. Yep sex gets tricky - bits of us hurt, lack sensation and aren't looking so good just yet. As long as you still have some desire, there is hope for regaining that old feeling. Great to hear your family is so accepting. Makes it lots easier. Great last statement. After all the one thing Cancer reminds us is the value of love.
Love. Julie xx
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