How do i get to new normal?

kayleenc

I was diagnosed with early breast cancer in Sept 2015 and was about to start the chemo radiation path in November when they found bone mets..originally in my ribs, pelvis and upper spine.in the last 8 months it has spread to the  rest of ribs, upper femurs and neck. So i finished work end June and am really struggling with finding a new place in this world, a new normal that has meaning..any ideas?  Plus if anyone has any tips for combating chemo mouth i would really appreciate it. Ta Kayleen 55 Brisbane 

ElaineG

Hi Kayleen

Lots of deep breaths and self-hugs and permission to cry etc.  Not sure if you're aware of it - but google the 7 stages of grief - extremely helpful because although it doesn't change the situation it does help us change our thinking, or more specifically our thoughts - until we get to a place of acceptance.  But that said, we may fluctuate and still on some days go back to anger or denial etc.
Also a book called "the reality slap" is very good and another one my brilliant oncologist recommended is 'Smile or Die" - which explores the pros and cons of positive psychology - the bottom line being that IF you spend a day sobbing - it will not add to the cancer spreading - this is SO important to understand and internalise because vulnerability is here to stay!

Re chemo mouth - sorry - not sure here because I'm on targeted chemo and only get ulcers.  Mouth wash???
Lots of self-cuddles and revisit your bucket list if it is buried there somewhere in your brain..... and on another day even consider what your legacy may be?  This can help with the 'here and now' and also the longer term focus despite zero certainty.

Hope that helps a little

kayleenc

Thanks so much for taking the time to provide some very thoughtful ideas which will be followed. I guess not having children and my career being a big part of my life it has been tough trying to find a place not working. Will get there .ta k

SusieQ2

Hi Kayleen,

Finding a new normal is adjusting to a new way of doing and thinking about things and this takes time and acceptance... its not easy.   I understand that not working would leave a huge void in your life.  Have you thought about doing some mentor or voluntary work?  Voluntary work can be really rewarding and you can find something that gives you pleasure around times that suit you.  Voluntary work can also provide the social interaction that you miss when not working. 

With regards to chemo mouth ... ugggg ... for me it was extra attention to brushing my teeth and using mouthwash three times a day.  Fruit tingles began to irritate mouth ulcers so I changed to Extra sugar free gum which helped.  I also found sucking on those frozen ice sticks (omg, chemo brain, what are they called?) gave a bit of relief.  Having said that, it was still .. ugggg!  Hang in there, it will get better!

Susie x

Karenhappyquilter

Re chemo mouth I found the mouthwash given to me by the chemo nurses made me feel very nauseous so I used a commmercial one from the chemist if I got sores in my mouth.  I also had specially strong toothpaste from my dentist.

i am so sorry about your diagnosis.  I am not going through what you are going through.  But I found listening to some special music helped me.  There was some music I dreamt about one night, I found it on ITunes and often listened to it and found it calming.  As I type this I am  listening to some very peaceful music composed by Hildegard Von Bingen, who lived in the 12 th century but sounds very modern - Everyone will have their own music they prefer.   

Counsellors always recommend mindfulness meditation, the Cancer Council has free cds of meditations they will post to you.  I am using one and find it helpful.

Work can be very interesting and stimulating and fills a lot of hours.  Without we can feel lost.  In time most of us learn to appreciate the freedom and space of not working.  Time to lie and listen to music and stare at the wonderful nature outside our windows. To walk the dog.  Time to take an interest in something we always liked, or to explore a hobby.  To watch silly but enjoyable tv programs, I love Great British Bakeoff. It's an adjustment that happens over time. Volunteering can be good, you get to meet some nice people that way.  

Are you seeing a counsellor regularly?  It can be good talking to someone who isn't a friend or relative.  You don't have to be brave, or positive.  You can let it all out and cry.  

Hoping you find the new normal.  Best wishes Karen xxx