Upcoming Surgery- so nervous

Dear @Kelkel89

So sorry your chemo didn’t work as expected, but surgery is important to stop your cancer so you need to think about it in small doses, otherwise it becomes overwhelming. A mastectomy is usually not painful physically but can be emotionally difficult. I was much older than you when I had my mastectomy and axillary clearance, but I imagine I would have been much more affected if I was younger. An important step
is to try thinking forward as much as you can, not back. It’s tempting to wish everything was the way it was and to feel sad or distressed about the current reality but none of us, cancer or no cancer, can go back in time, we are all moving forward. Think about recovery, think about a future. You may also want to think about reconstruction. Not necessarily now, while you are dealing with so many emotions, but there will be plenty of time to do so. I remain mono-boobed -  I too am quite large breasted but have preferred to not go through surgery again. I use a fake boob and it works really well for me. Others here can direct you to a special thread on reconstruction - many have done it with successful outcomes. Depending on how many lymph nodes are removed, you may have some discomfort in the armpit and limited movement for a while. Exercise is the answer - you’ll be given special exercises to help restore mobility and success lies in doing them religiously - not hard, and something you can do to speed up recovery. Remember most of all that your body is still a wonderful and amazing thing - a mastectomy isn’t the end of your attractiveness or sexuality - it’s an honourable battle scar. Your body will recover and holding fast to your sense of your strength and flexibility will help you cope emotionally. Take care. 

Hey @Kelkel89 
There have been a number of occasions in the last 15 years where I've had to view my disease the same way I'd look at any monstrous accident. It's been the only way I can accept the lack of choice with any degree of grace. Car crash, train derailment, plane falling out of the sky...I've just had to accept that the remedy offered to save my life--regardless of its palatability--is the only option or I'd completely lose the plot. Which doesn't mean I don't grieve for the loss of body parts and functionality.
My go to's for surgery are:

• A clipboard folder where I can collect everything to do with my hospital stay. I record everyone's name, when I saw them and any information they gave me. And I mean everyone. I can tell you the names of every specialist, registrar, physician and nurse that has ever stood in my room. I know, that sounds over the top, but when coordinating treatment across multiple venues, and revisiting the whole shitfight a decade later, that info has been invaluable. 
• A bag to carry your drains around. Anything with a long enough handle to sling over your shoulder will do. Take two in case there are leakages. Boomerang shopping bags are good.
• A thermo mug and tea or coffee bags to your taste. Cheap beverages in cardboard cups are too horrible to contemplate when everything else completely sucks
• Get them to print an extra sheet of your patient labels (or nick a few from the board on the end of your bed) and stick one on all your personal items that might get mislaid if you change beds or leave something behind. Things like your phone, charger, the clipboard I mentioned, slippers etc
• An early appointment with the hospital social worker if you are likely to have financial problems (who doesn't?)

Mxx

Hi @Kelkel89,

Sorry to hear about the shock of the mastectomy. I had a mastectomy first and then chemo and it happened fast. I think from diagnosis about 1.5 weeks. It does make your head spin a bit. But i focussed on getting the cancer gone and felt relief at that and maybe you will ultimately feel some comfort knowing that.

I think for anyone losing a breast regardless of how you feel about them generally that first glance can be a bit confronting. I waited a day and then had a little peek. It wasnt bad looking at all, quite tidy really and i felt some sense of care and gratitude for my body which had been through a bit of poking and prodding already. I am (was?) a c cup. 

I think as advice Id say take a couple of things which give you comfort. You are going through a trial generally and need to be kind to yourself.  Hospitals seem to always be hot and a small fan maybe? Take care to drink lots of water, i found hospital food a good boredom buster but if you arent moving around much constipation can result. Have some short walks as soon as you feel able. 

Let the nurses help you if they offer. I was a bit too independent and would have benefited from a shower helper and a hand to the toilet. I ended up fainting due to low blood pressure after surgery and you want to avoid that.

Make allowance for yourself if you feel emotional. It takes a little time to digest the change both physically and mentally. 

Hope this helps and wishing you the best. 
Michele

Hi @Kelkel89, I am sorry things have not gone to the original plan and it is a lot to process. I had neo adjuvant chemo (before surgery) and then had a bilateral mastectomy (BMX). This is possibly one of the most challenging things to go through. I was tentative about looking at my surgery and then I was really surprised at just how neat everything was. I did have the start of reconstruction immediately (expanders) and you will find that different doctors have different ideas about that process. I did not have radiation. 
I was 7 days in hospital and everything went well. I put all of my day to day stuff (phone, lip balm etc) in one of those packing cubes, which you can get at Kmart and this kept everything together and easy to get to. I also bought a couple of button up tops to wear with pants as they were easy to get into. Slip on shoes are also great so you don’t have to reach down. 
I also went and saw a psychologist and this helped me so much. The physical challenge is one thing, but the mind game is another. Have you seen a Breast Care nurse? What you are feeling is very normal and understandable when things have changed so quickly. All the best with your surgery. Mx

Hello @Kelkel89,
lots of great advice from the ladies above. So sorry you find yourself in this situation. Small steps darl. Not too much thinking into the future. Focus on now as much as possible. 

@FLClover @Mazbeth @Afraser @Zoffiel @MicheleR Thank you so much for all of your advice and kind words  <3 

I had a good cry about it all last night, but feel ready to tackle this now and to take that next step in my journey.
I was pretty nervous to put a post up yesterday but so very grateful that i did now.  This is such a wonderful supportive community.  

Glad you’re feeling better and calmer. And really glad you posted 😊. 

It's a bit like eating an elephant - one bite at a time...then chew...and chew...  I haven't had a recon but my surgeon is one of those in SA who is known for his work - my surgery was Jan 2018 followed by chemo and radiation.  I healed really well but he only said at Christmas gone that he would be prepared to do a recon.  Then again, he also knows that I'm in no hurry and maybe never will be ready to face that surgery.

This is big stuff @Kelkel89 - there is no shame in feeling overwhelmed.  There will be times where you just square your shoulders and move forward and there will be other times when you want to shrink into a tiny ball and feel that the slightest touch will shatter you.  But it does get better.

@afraser mentioned the reconstruction group but there is also a young women's group that you may be interested in - these are private groups and you will need to request to be added.

Hi @Kelkel89,
 You are young and I’m so sorry you have to go through this big surgery. I had a mastectomy 11yrs ago and I wear a prosthesis in a bra. I don’t like it but I’m used to it and you’d never know once I’m dressed. The surgery itself is not too painful but the underarm cut is and you need to keep up the exercises you are given. You’ll probably have a drain in that you’ll drag around with you. I felt as weak as a kitten the next day after surgery and so I mostly stayed in bed and just had a wash basin/bird bath. I couldn’t face a shower with drips,drains and dressings.And that’s ok.If you have a breast care nurse,ask her if she can give you a special small moon shaped cushion which comforts under the arm and chest- especially with the car seatbelt.When I first looked at my scar, surprisingly I wasn’t too shocked. I think it’s like going into battle- you brave up to face it and later you’ll probably sit back and process it all. Just get through the surgery and the recovery- that’s enough to deal with for now.It’s a high price we pay in exchange for our life but you can do this.We’ll be here to help you navigate when you leave hospital.Best wishes and big hug.xx