Forum Discussion
Update on latest events
Hi Ladies - I thought it was time I put an update on my blog (am really frutrated at moment, it all disappeared and I have to type all over again - hurumph!) any way inbetween my last dose of chemo and first dose of Herceptin - we moved house. Yes it has been crazy - you know the sort where the mobile phone rings at the same time, you just want to yell "P.......off!" I had my 3rd chemo just before we moved house. It seemed to go ok but the next day I had to go back for an injection (something to do with white blood cells and bone marrow) and about 11 pm that night I was not a well girl. I felt like I was being given a massive bear hug and couldn't breathe - most frightening! As it lasted through the night Hubby took me to the hospital in the morning and they gave me an ECG and it seemed ok. I went home and took painkillers and slept heaps! Finally I was ok and went on with the packing and moving house. I had my first dose of Herceptin last week and the Oncologist nearly splintered when I told him about the reation I had - he asked my why didn't I see a doctor at the hospital (how the hell should I know I thought) and said an ECG does not always pick up on a heart attack (bloody terrific I thought) so he has ordered that I be hospitalised for my final chemo - which is tomorrow (oh goody - hospital tucker!) while all this has been going on, we have finally settled into our new house. Love it! love it! I even had one of my children fly down for a few days from Central Queensland - good to see him! Yesterday I went for my pre-chemo blood test, my good vein is in the arm that had the lymph nodes removed, so the other arm is the only one the pathologists can attack - and yesterday attack they did! Three bloody goes at it - thank you guys, here's me sitting there trying not to cry - trying not to pass out! Finally they got the blood but had to 'bandage' my arm (what does that tell you) I went home snivelling quietly to myself and thought I am sick of this s...t! Isn't it amazing how we sit there and take all of this invasive hurt - my husband has nicknamed the hospital "The House of Pain" - he got that one right! So tomorrow is chemo and I will go with a positive attitude (I am thinking an negative attitude wont suffice!) and smile at everyone until my mouth hurts (she puts on such a face!). Some time next month I will start the radiotherapy regime - I am so excited about staying in a town miles away and will think, this is going to be fun! (no its bloody not - but there you have it) I really wanting that bit out of the way! Keep your chins up ladies - as much fun as sticking pins in your eyeballs! All those wonderful medical staff, doctors, smell of disinfectant and forgive me if I suddenly cower in the corner and dribble a lot! We are strong - aren't we! Some people say we are brave (no, not really) just under sufferance! Big hugs to all x x x Josie
20 Replies
I agree Fran, big hugs to you too! x x x
glad you got a call. as i said i know my sons just couldn't cope . kids think mum will be around forever and mum has always been the one to help and put bandaids on things and now it's reversed they just panic and don't cope. stay well lady here for you. xFran
Thank you Leonie, yesterday on the way into the hospital I said to my husband in the car "It sounds corny, but with all the operations, doctors, tests etc - I am still trying to come to terms with what has happened to me..." My husband said, "I know what you mean, crazy isn't it".......................so how can I expect my kids to understand except it must scare the pants off them! Scares the pants off me! So I have to keep things in perspective I know - I just get a bit 'self-absorbed' from time to time - you know 'woe is me' - I will look forward to going home tomorrow and being with my husband - looking forward and enjoying my new home, please keep in touch x x x
You're a darling Fran, thank you - I love my on-line (keep me sane - and I can be 'myself') family! I was surprised tonight my eldest daughter rang and we had a good chat......I was pleased about that. Please stay in touch, x x x Josie
Dear Leonie, had to laugh at the pj's! My husband came into the ward today and grinned and said "Here's you at midday slopping around in your pj's!" I said "Funny that, bloody hospitals!" and laughed - I was advised to stay in another night - as the reaction from the needle happened around 11 pm the night after my needle - so its now 9.40 and I am saying my prayers girl! To make matters worse, tonight an old man (obvious dementia) wandered into my ward, I thought he was going to jump into bed with me, I nearly crapped my self - I buzzed for the nurse (trying to look calm!) and thought blow this, so I bolted out of bed and grabbed a nurse...............I had this happen once before after my mastectomy, what is it with me and creepy old men! Anyway this time it took two nurses to coax him out - I think I shall shut my door tonight! I wanted to dive out for a durrie, but I was worried I would get locked out, so I opted for a couple of marshmellows in my drawer (yeh! like I need to put on more weight!) besides marshmellows just don't cut it when your heart's thumping through your chest with fright! Change of subject - at least I don't have to explain where Biloela is to you! We lived up in Maryborough for many years until my late Mother got sick - so we know where Rocky is! and I have been through it on the train and bus on the way to Cairns (late at night so didn't see a thing!) Anyway keep us posted on how you go, thinking of you x x x Josie
Don't know what to say. Tonya and Fran have said it all. Sometimes we have to sit and wait for the "titbits" from our kids. I raised my two girls mostly on my own when I left my ex husband and their father. It was tough times and there are some times that I am not proud of how I was a mother. For the most of it though I think I did the best I could. Now I am reaping the rewards. I talk to my girls every day or every second day. I appreciate their time constraints but also have time to listen to whatever they need to offload. (I am on the other end of the phone at least). I am sorry that your children aren't "filling your void". They do love you and are probably finding it difficult to "see" you going through this pain. Please put your energies into yourself. You can only be responsible for whatever you do. They will understand one day. When you are well, just keep on contacting them whenever you feel like it. Doesn't matter what they do so long as you do what makes you feel better. Hugs to you Josie. XLeonie
Just remember you have a online family here too. they may not ring you but deep down they do love you my sons said they were scared and just didn't know what to say or do. maybe your's are the same. and just don't understand that mums need hugs too just like kids.
soooooo big hug from me and we are all herre for you anytime. .xxxxxx
Your are right Tonya, I think our generation has more of a sense of duty. Heaven forbit if I tried a 'guilt trip' on my children they would turn that one around on me 'lickety split'. My husband has the same problem with his two children from his first marriage, they are lovely kids, but think nothing of leaving it over six weeks just to send an SMS - and up to and beyond a year or two before they visit - he gets quite despondant, and fair enough - poor man gave up everything he had to ensure a stable financial future for them. My kids think he's the bees knees! I think sometimes kids don't know how lucky they are with 'nice' parents. I think sometimes we can give too much of ourselves - I am always there if my children want to 'download' on the phone - you know those calls "Mummy, the world is being meannnnnnnnn!" and I am there with bells on, "Mummy what do I dooooooooo?" I hear them whine, "Well darling perhaps if you approach the such and such and bla bla bla" - I get "Ok" and a happy ring off - knowing full well, it all went in one ear and out the other and my advice went nowhere - but they got it all off their chest and will sail on happily regardless - meanwhile I am sitting there with their misery dumpted on me like a big cow pat on my head and worrying my head off hoping they will be ok. I told a friend about that once and they said "You know what Josie? all they wanted to do was 'unload' so treat it just as it is - let them unload, and then YOU go away and forget all about it, the world will still go on" and you know what? they were totally right! Maybe I should take some advice that was given to me a couple of weeks ago - "Leave them alone and they will come home dragging their tails behind them" (sure sounds a bit nursery rhymey!)
Josie don't ever doubt what a great Mum you are, all your kids are living good lives so that is testament to their up bringing . they aren't murders or druggies etc.
I know i always wanted to see the family more than they visited but i had to except they were adults with their own lives and they just didn't understand how horrific this journey was for both me and Daryl (husband)
but one thing i do know when i almost died from the chemo after my 2nd one , all six kids came up to albury with partners, three of mine three or Daryls and their partners and to see their faces when they saw me bald, hooked up to machines, very very sick and doped to the hilt on morphine it frightend the B jesus out of them , my sons were devistated.
but now four years down the track i ring them and sms them and email them and every now and then i get a shock as they reply. ha ha ,
it's is such a awful time for you being in hospital and it is so lonely and frightening. maybe hubby or some one should have a little word to tell them mum needs a i love you sms . mine did it alot. hang in and take care .. xx Fran
Josie don't ever doubt what a great Mum you are, all your kids are living good lives so that is testament to their up bringing . they aren't murders or druggies etc.
I know i always wanted to see the family more than they visited but i had to except they were adults with their own lives and they just didn't understand how horrific this journey was for both me and Daryl (husband)
but one thing i do know when i almost died from the chemo after my 2nd one , all six kids came up to albury with partners, three of mine three or Daryls and their partners and to see their faces when they saw me bald, hooked up to machines, very very sick and doped to the hilt on morphine it frightend the B jesus out of them , my sons were devistated.
but now four years down the track i ring them and sms them and email them and every now and then i get a shock as they reply. ha ha ,
it's is such a awful time for you being in hospital and it is so lonely and frightening. maybe hubby or some one should have a little word to tell them mum needs a i love you sms . mine did it alot. hang in and take care .. xx Fran
