Dry , hot and quite honestly " GO AWAY " !

Pjur water based, made in Germany. Supposed to be no oestrogen in it so safe.

Hi Beppie.  Sorry to hear about your sister.  Tamoxifen and Aramatose Inhibitors give us a much greater chance of long term survival if able to tolerate them.  The downside is the obvious anti-estrogen affects.  You seem to be able to tolerate the drugs well so hubby needs to understand what is happening to you and what the long term benefits will be for both of you.

We are forever hopeful the medical profession will see this as a major issue and come up with some better options for us.  In the meantime your oncologist should be able to tell you how long after finishing the drugs you can start using estrogen pessaries which is the best treatment for dry vagina and vaginal atrophy.  Really, once the vagina regains it's normal function and it is no longer painful libido may just come back as well.  Just trying to offer some hope.  Suexx

Hi Brenda, 

wow, such honesty , thank you. Is the lubricant you bought better then the chemist ones? My husband is a boob man and the left is fake and I have no sensation there  at all and the right is still tender from the last operation. At the moment its  a no go zone . Doesn't help being lopsided as I don't feel sexy either and I think that is an issue too. I'm seeing the GP next week so shall ask if anything can be recommended . 

Good luck with the warmer air for you. xx Bep 

Hi Karen, 

what a honest answer and you seem to have reached an understanding together . That's wonderful. My husband still feels like intercourse quite frequently yet the dr seems to think that we've had our kids, passed middle age and are semi retired so we should just close shop and take up painting . I suppose when your young you are more sexually active but because we're still interested there's not a lot of information to get some help from. One of my sisters has terminal lung cancer yet still does have intercourse occasionally - both have libidos and finding it fine. xx Bep 

Thanks for that. Sad but true Drs not interested . Sex is part of a relationship and especially as it's been part of your life then suddenly it's gone . We've had a few funny times as well where it's not possible and we end up giggling and just laughed instead. I read your adventure with the MONA Lisa and what a trip you had - so envolved and invasive too. Congratulations on persisting and doing it. Did it cure or help a lot?? It's hard to ask the questions when they're so personal and I hope I'm not being too much of a sticky beak ! It just feels like lately it's like - ok , come and get it and that's it for a few days and so clinical , no spontaneity due to the dryness. And it's painful for him too as no lubrication. Kind of feel like a car that's needs a lube job. xx Bep

Hi Beppie,

Unfortunately there aren't any easy answers to this question. Many have tried different lubricants such as replens and yes but to no avail. Personally, I have not had intercourse with my husband since July 2014 when I started chemo. I was already in early menopause and chemo pushed me through it. I suffer severe vaginal atrophy making penetration impossible. My libido is definitely not like it used to be.  Our very active sex life has resorted to me giving my husband pleasure in other ways every now and then but don't even bother as far as I'm concerned. It's just not worth the effort. It's sad, frustrating and does put a strain on our relationship. I'm very lucky that my husband has never been one to press the point and he is very understanding. We both miss the intimacy associated with our old sex life but know that it is just the way things are now. Like the other ladies have said, the medical profession really don't seem that interested in this side of the side effects from treatment. :( karen

Hi Beppie.  Your story is not an unusual one for any woman who has gone through breast cancer chemo and other therapies.  Firstly, congratulations for sticking to Tamoxifen and Femara.  Studies, including a brand new one out from the States, indicate completing drug treatment raises long term survival by at around 30%. I have included a link from BreastCancer.Org (American site) which you may find interesting to read.  Actually this site is amazing - anything you want to know is all there.

http://www.breastcancer.org/research-news/not-taking-hormonal-tx-leads-to-more-recurrence

If you read through all the blogs here you we find we all have different and varying experiences in regard to our sex lives  One thing that seems to stand out is the medical profession has not found any answers therefore not interested in talking about it. The only advice I can give you is keep talking to your Gyno and your medical team about this issue and research as much as you can for yourself and if you find anything new don't forget to share with the group.

There is one great hope on the horizone for those of us who can't use estrogen pessaries.  It is called DHEA-S vaginal Gel developed and available in Americal and FDA approved deemed safe for women with Breast Cancer for use vaginally.  It gives the same results as estrogen pessaries but the difference, apparently with DHEA-S Vaginal Gel,  is it does not convert into estrogen into the blood stream therefore completely safe.  It is available on prescription in America.  I found it on several sites in America however, would not ship to Australia as it has not gone through our TGA approval process.  I can't see that happening anytime soon as the medical profession here either do not know enough about it or do not think it important enough to research or fast track for us. Talk to your Gyno about it - make sure you let them know it is DHEA-S - print out the study and results and ask their opinion.  You will see where I have blogged about it previously and it gives links.

Apart from that and the Mona Lisa Touch (which I have had) there is not anything you can do to ensure you are at least capable of having sex using lubricants.   As far as Libido is concerned I don't know if there is any magical formular for that. Most of us in this group have lost our libido again no-one has answers.  

The main issue with this group is having the ability to have sex using lubricants.  Most of us suffer from vaginal atrophy which means sex is too painful with or without lubricants.

I wish I had better news for you.  The medical profession should take better notice of this issue as it impacts our femininity, our sexual relationships and our ability to concentrate 100% on beating breast cancer, getting on with our long and happy lives.  Good luck Beppi.  Suexx

I think two things are separate, the mind and the body. May I be up front and say I haven't had actual intercourse with my husband since November before my operation although we are up to hugs and cuddling at least now. He has mistakenly gone for a feel of his favourite boob and its not there where it used to be. Its like we need to get to know each other all again but jeez in this winter cold now isn't exactly romantic weather either.

Before  I had breast surgery my hubby and I went to a sex shop (the first time our entire lives) and I bought good lubrication, we bought a very naughty movie and I bought a rabbit vibrator. I have only watched the movie once as it was a bit of an eye opener and I have a good memory and imagination so I haven't watched it again. I think hubby has watched it alone quite a few times doing what men do and he's cool with that. I just say to him don't even imagine I can contort to the moves in that movie and he understands a wife and an acting model are different creatures. I tell my adult sons the same when they get to looking for a wife lol.

Ok, to the rabbit thing, you can insert it, that's the obvious bit and it has rabbit ears for tickling that other bit. It is rare I am even in the mood to try this but for my own peace of mind that everything works and I am penetrable I have tried it. All good. Now to wait for some nicer weather to get our layers off.