Forum Discussion
A letter to my 7 year old Daughter on her birthday
Dearest Alex
"7 years ago today..." - a family joke yes, as every year on your birthdays, I put all three of you through the history of your birth throughout the day - just so you understand how magical it is - how wonderful to welcome someone new into a family. But...
...7 years ago today, I wondered with some anxiety how I could love another child as much as my firstborn - was there enough to go around? Well, from the quiet inklings of your coming to the powerful surge of your rapid birth you have stopped us in our tracks from the moment you took your first tentative breath. I was struck by the differences to your sister, immediately in love with your gentleness and serenity how could I have ever wondered if I would love you?
7 years on and you are still a gentle soul - you love your dolls, stuffed toys and time alone. You are a generous friend and sister but for all of this calmness you have a very mischievious nature often fooling those who may not know you so well.
This year has been so hard for you. You were the first to ask the question when we told you the Doctors thought something was wrong with Mummy - "are you going to die?", the next day you asked "Do you have cancer?" . You didn't want to visit me in hospital or touch me, the drains made you feel sick and made you cry. You were ok with my baldness - even assiting to shave my head. You love to have a bath with me on a Sunday - you stare where my breast used to be and often ask very involved questions about life, death, heaven. You don't quite believe in it you say. You wonder if you will get cancer too. You have never been one to fear being away from me but now going to school causes belly aches and headaches, your teacher describes you as "fragile". I walk you to the classroom again now and you often have to be torn from me.
I'm so sorry that what is happening to me has impacted your life in a way I never wished. My vow to you is to live as an example - to enjoy life fully, to not let cancer to become "our story", to show you that you can live life with hope and joy. I aim to continue to embarrass you with my dancing and singing in the aisles at the supermarket, my bopping with the radio full blast at the lights, to make your birthday cake for every birthday I am here for. I'll tuck you in at night and hear your reading, I'll help you with your violin even when your perfectionist streak results in a screaming tanti - I'll revel in your wonder at the beautiful things in life.
Together we will learn that stillness is wonderful, that we are perfect and beautiful just the way we are and together, just maybe, we'll see that living fully with love - miracles happen all the time.
Love you Poppet - forever and beyond.
Mummy xxx
P.s. - Yes, I am taking a break but felt compelled to record a letter to Alex here today. So often we talk about how this disease affects us physically but it happens to the family - not just the person and our children are very affected - all in their individual ways. I'm enjoying my "break" and thankyou all as always for your support and care. I'm brewing an idea for a photography project for next year - if you are interested in following how it develops let me know.
Much love and light to you all. xx
17 Replies
Thank you my dearest friend!! I actually was in the hospital yesterday but later on the afternoon!! I appreciate that you are happy for me but I also wish I can be with you every Wednesday, you make my week a wonderful one!!...I will see you next year as the booked me on the 29 (which is Thursday) but I want to keep the Wed so at least we see each other every 21 days!! I may have the appointments later, so hopefully I can see you when you are leaving?
I wish you and your beautiful family the happiest and most comfortabe X-mas ever!!!
I hope to see you very very very soon!!
Leonor
My deareat Amanda, I am missing you a lot as I am not seeing you every Tuesday at Gawler or on Wednesdays at the Hospital. Agustin and I were reading your letter to Alex and crying together, it is simply magic! It transmits so much love and light that I am overwhelmed (in a very good sense)...I love you so so so much and I wish you an incredible happy, calm and joyful end of the year!!!
Please count on us for your "photographic project".....All the best,
Leonor
Thank you Thank you thank you for letting us all read your letter to Alex. You are a strong strong person, even though you dont think so at times. I just used up half a box of tissues reading it. Bugger! BIG HUGS to you.
Love Chrissy D :) xoxo
Hi Amanda
This made me cry! You have a lovely way with words. My children are 4 and 2 and I try to explain to them about my 'illness' but it's hard. I hope that I am a good example to them - staying positive and living with the big C rather than letting it take over my life. I will definitely follow your photographic journey.
Enjoy the merry season with your loved ones.
Amy x
Hi Amanda
This made me cry! You have a lovely way with words. My children are 4 and 2 and I try to explain to them about my 'illness' but it's hard. I hope that I am a good example to them - staying positive and living with the big C rather than letting it take over my life. I will definitely follow your photographic journey.
Enjoy the merry season with your loved ones.
Amy x
Hi Amanda
This made me cry! You have a lovely way with words. My children are 4 and 2 and I try to explain to them about my 'illness' but it's hard. I hope that I am a good example to them - staying positive and living with the big C rather than letting it take over my life. I will definitely follow your photographic journey.
Enjoy the merry season with your loved ones.
Amy x
Thankyou everyone for your kind comments. Alex has had quite a celebration over the past two days (and last weekend! - ah the festival of the birthday!).
I have a page on Facebook for my photography work - my project will evolve here at this stage. I have a lot of ideas running through my head. I have actually felt like working on my images and my camera is back at home in my hands and on my desk rather than hidden in it's bag in the cupboard for the first time really since my diagnosis. If you are a facebook user - feel free to "like" my page - it may stay a little dormant for the next little while as the ideas take shape (and the business of the season takes over :-))
Here is the link:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Red-Box-Photography/117600824921104
Lot lof love and light to you all.
Amanda xx
Wow this was so beautiful! Brought a tear to my eye, too! I too have 2 gorgeous daughters - a little older than yours but I still worry about them everyday as they embark on their own journeys. My 15 year olds reaction to my news was "That means I'm going to get it". Had me in tears! How do you protect/nurture them? We can only do our best.
I would love to follow your photography. This is something I would love to pursue in the future. As Tonya said - get back to my creative side. BC brings this out in us.
Take care. You are such an inspiration! A wonderfully brave, gentle soul.
And again thanks for sharing such a beautiful and personal letter.
Have a wonderful Xmas and New year!
Love Alison xxx
