Christabel03
3 years agoMember
The last treatment and feeling cut loose and lost
I had my last treatment on the 30th of December which in my mind was supposed to be the happiest day after a long road with bc. I have to admit the lead up to that day I found so hard to handle, I was scared, I felt lost like I was losing my security blanket and what perhaps was keeping me alive. I almost dreading going in for the last dose of Herceptin and the usual catch up with my oncologist.
Treatment went fine and I was told to go and ring the bell and I will see you in three months and we won't scan unless you have symptoms of anything. There was no talk of remission or anything about being ok if that is the right word? This has left me so unsettled, I feel pleased to not be going every three weeks for treatment but at the same time I feel left to my own devices and my head just takes me to a place of "oh well they are probably just waiting for something to show up again". Not scanning at all makes me think why not and should they? How do I know everything has worked?
I guess after such a long regime of having to turn up for appointments etc you do feel a little lost, but I just don't quite know how I feel, am I survivor or am I still going? I honestly feel like I don't know who I am anymore (although Tamoxifen could have something to do with that!!).
Just needed a place to put this all out today, such a lot of strange feelings. :|
Treatment went fine and I was told to go and ring the bell and I will see you in three months and we won't scan unless you have symptoms of anything. There was no talk of remission or anything about being ok if that is the right word? This has left me so unsettled, I feel pleased to not be going every three weeks for treatment but at the same time I feel left to my own devices and my head just takes me to a place of "oh well they are probably just waiting for something to show up again". Not scanning at all makes me think why not and should they? How do I know everything has worked?
I guess after such a long regime of having to turn up for appointments etc you do feel a little lost, but I just don't quite know how I feel, am I survivor or am I still going? I honestly feel like I don't know who I am anymore (although Tamoxifen could have something to do with that!!).
Just needed a place to put this all out today, such a lot of strange feelings. :|