Post Treatment Letdown

I am just over a year from my initial diagnosis of breast cancer. I had a lumpectomy and node clearance a week after diagnosis, started 6 months of chemo about 4 weeks later, radiotherapy about 6 weeks after chemo and DIEP breast reconstruction 5 weeks after finishing radiation. I am now just over 10 weeks post surgery and I'm feeling a real emotional letdown. I was so ready to move forward with my life after the recon and I just can't seem to feel much more than 'stagnant'. I am 68 years old. I had a hysterectomy at a very young age and was on HRT for 37 years before diagnosis, so I had a good quality of life, an active sex life and had not obviously experienced menopause. So I went from all those years of HRT to no HRT in a day and then 9 months later started taking Letrozole. So now not only the menopause journey of no HRT but my body has stopped producing any oestrogen at all from the Letrozole and I am really feeling the change.

I feel like I should be happy to be alive, the cancer is gone (mastectomy margins clear) and I am taking a drug to hopefully prevent it from recurring. But I just feel flat. I got the all clear to start back exercising at 6 weeks post op so I have been back in my exercise physiology class (for women with cancer or post treatment), and yoga classes for a few weeks now. So I am exercising and doing well in classes, increasing the challenges each week. I hit a real tired place about 3-4 in the afternoon; sometimes I get a second wind about dinner time, sometimes I don't. I've never been a great sleeper and that hasn't changed much. I guess I should be thankful that I don't have hot flushes or night sweats. But I miss having any sexual desire, I miss feeling like myself or what myself used to feel like. I get that this is a transition time for me but I am struggling with the new normal.

The highs? Well I have a supportive family and great friends but sometimes it's hard to explain these kinds of feelings to someone who has never experienced them. I looked for an in person support group but never found one that seemed appropriate that was local to me. I was on the Breast Reconstruction Group here at BCNA and found the support I got there when I was deciding what to do was fantastic. Have others who have had a similar journey to me felt these same feelings? I am trying so hard to be positive and I do feel positive overall but there are also these other feelings that aren't so positive. I think in part I need to just work through the feelings, feel them and keep going one day at a time.

Thanks for listening; it helped to just write this down. Jenny

coping

survivorship

Afraser
Member
6 years ago
Everyone is different - our cancers are different, our treatment is different, our lives - pre and post - are different. The only thing I would offer was that what I had to work on most after diagnosis, and it’s still a work in progress, was about attitudes to myself and my life that had nothing to do with bc and predated it. ‘I’m not ageing; I multitask; Give it to me to me, I’ll do/fix it;’ and my best one ‘ I intend to keep in good health and not die’ (thank you Charlotte Bronte). These attitudes are really not sustainable and I had kept them up to 67. I think I am a slightly better person now, not because I had cancer (that’s rubbish!) but because cancer forced me to re-assess some habits that were not helpful to my well being. I was lucky, in many ways, and what I had to sort out wasn’t family trauma, or terrible experiences, just largely my own vanity and a bit of irrational fear. But it’s unexpected, we tend to want the old me back (imperfect as it may be) and it takes time. Best wishes.
Cory51
Member
6 years ago
Thanks for the additional comments. I've been offline since those initial postings. Feeling a bit better this week. I'm in more regular contact with my counsellor and shared how I was doing with close friends and that helped. When I really looked at how I was feeling it was me that was thinking hey all your treatment is over, now time to get on with life! Not really realising that there is a new me that will get on with life and I needed to come to terms with that new person. A process I realise and I am only 3 months post all treatment. Some days I have that positive attitude and others not so much. My strength comes from meditation daily, yoga a huge help and I continue on with my exercise physiology class for women with breast cancer. The physical helps with my mental and I notice when I skip meditation that an irritability tries to sneak in, so try not to. I got the all clear from the plastic surgeon this week to do any exercise I felt my body was ready for, so that was a big step for me so after the school holidays I will add back my second yoga class and see how I go..

I had my 7 year old grandson here for the last 3 days, school holidays and trying to help my daughter out. He left today and while it was good to spend time with him and it felt great to be feeling well enough to help again, I am a bit exhausted!
adean
Member
6 years ago
Hey all next week for me 7 years unfortunately l also have a rare blood cancer diagnosed 4 years ago so with trying to retain my positivity l thought wtf l can blame either disease for my symptoms or as l call it f...... with my brain
I am a bit of a nutty person and try to be up but l do get the lm not getting dressed today occupation. My bc group of bc friends are my sanity but even after 7 years l get pissed of but above all from this l really like myself l don't care sometimes that my mouth spits out Dragon like disgusting comments l mean l think we've all deserved that badge.xx l don't participate as much online as much but l try to be the best version of a bc bitch lol.xxxx love you all
NaturalBel
Member
6 years ago
Good Morning
Now I am 6 years later as a Survivor and I can honestly say, you do cope, and you do get through. Not all solutions help each person. I had quite the unique experience of Breast Cancer, no more than you did, or the next. We are all so different at how we cope, who is in our lives and from where we draw our strength. I smiled about the comments regarding Sexual appetite because mine disappeared with my monthly's at the age of 40 ! How different we all are. Lucky for me, I had met a man who also had gone through his peak prior to our marriage at 39. (smiling).
For me, the Post Stress that occurred was surprising, yet brief. Through my own year off with Cancer, I taught myself a lot via reading books and learning about the power of the mind and how to shift my focus. I was cranky after I survived Cancer that I had very little money left, and couldn't afford all the "Bucket List" options, all the wealthy people experience. I had Triple Negative BC, and I was looking over my shoulder for the first 3 years wondering if it would stay away. I hear a lot don't.
The strength I get comes from continuously learning how to use Mindfulness techniques and meditation, problems are always there in life, it is how we learn to see things differently, that makes our lives change.
Cory51
Member
6 years ago
Yes I just kept repeating the Coping with Cancer one over and over while I was in chemo....
kmakm
Member
6 years ago
I have found Headspace to be very helpful as well. Excellent app.
Cory51
Member
6 years ago
Thanks @jennyss, my counsellor is very supportive of feeling the feelings, not hiding from them or boxing them up and putting them somewhere in a compartment and not dealing with them. That attitude/strategy has been good for me as it made me realise that feeling down or awful some days is ok, feel it physically and then it is easier to move on. I think too I get impatient and want to feel better right away and sometimes that isn't possible. The Headspace app has helped me with that too, let go of resistance instead of saying 'be patient' which has never been helpful for me as it makes me feel that something is wrong with my feelings. Letting go seems more positive than 'BE' something.
jennyss
Member
6 years ago
Dear @Cory51, thanks for expressing your thoughts and feelings so well. Your words were encouraging to me, who is two years on. You are being positive, specially saying 'I think in part I need to just work through the feelings, feel them and keep going one day at a time'.

from jennyss in Western NSW
Cory51
Member
6 years ago
Thank you for sharing such intimate parts of your journey @primek many hugs from me too.. xxx Jenny
kmakm
Member
6 years ago
My heart goes out to you @primek The biggest of hugs. K xox