Does the mental pain for having had breast cancer ever leave. I know I am not coping with having had cancer, having 2 mastectomies, having had chemo, living with the nephropathy pain, having a very uncomfortable expander in while waiting for the next surgery, having to work full time through all my treatment, being bullied at work because I had days off for treatment, a husband that offers NO support at all and now family issues with my siblings and an aging mother ......... its all too much and people think because my cancer happened in 2018 I am all good and lucky to be alive and while I agree with that the emotional and physical pain is over whelming. I live in country Vic with no support group near let alone professional. I had a physiologist but she left and I do an another appointment next week but I have to start all over again in explaining it. I have no regular doctor as our town only has locum and while they have been good again I have to explain everything ever time go. I do know if I didn't have children I would no longer be experiencing this constant pain.

Dear @Barks34 I think your GP, locum or not, might consider a referral for some psychological advice and support. A cancer diagnosis, even in the best of circumstances, can mess with your head. You sound like you have far too much to carry right now and need some advice on how to deal with your treatment on top of a lot of work and family issues. Prioritising in these circumstances is never easy but needs to be done. When you feel at the end of your tether, everything is worse. You need some assistance in breaking that cycle of mental pain. Cancer has a nasty habit of revitalising old problems and wounds. Think of physical wounds - you’d want a doctor, antiseptic, bandages. Your mind and spirit need something similar too. Best wishes.

Sounds like you need a holiday away from it all even if its for just a long weekend. Any chance of it?

@Barks34 ... I don’t think the mental anguish ever really goes completely, but I am only 2 years in myself, so not an authority on the subject. You’ve had your fair share of surgery, treatment and side effects .... and being bullied whilst working thru your treatment as well ... is intolerable. You have done well under difficult circumstances. Xx If you are feeling stressed and ‘down’ between your appointments, give the helpline here a call ... 1800500258 and chat with them about copin* mechanisms.@Brenda5 mentioned a holiday .... have you contacted the Otis Foundation to see if there is a retreat that you may visit? Take the kids and have a break in a new area.https://www.otisfoundation.org.au/directoryAll the best xxx

Please call the BCNA helpline. Stay connected to this forum, you are not alone. Xxxxxxxxx

Ditto the comments from @arpie and @Afraser.There might be some BCNA member ladies who could assist you. Are you happy to tell your area ?This is a crappy saga for all and for many reasons so do put your hand out for support here.

PAIN | BCNA Online Network

20 Replies

jennyss
Member
6 years ago
Dear @Barks34

Best wishes from jennyss in Western NSW
Brenda5
Member
6 years ago

arpie said:

I have a family member who is always very negative & turns everything around so it is my fault, even tho I live in another country! She will be very lonely in her old age, as she has already alienated her own brother & mother!

Brenda: I have had lifelong abuse and I couldn't see it for what it was and yes, always thought it was my fault. That aspect has now been severed and while grieving for the loss, I am feeling better off now. It will take time but you will be able to blossom. Hugz <3
arpie
Member
6 years ago
Congratulations on your Grandmother news - how exciting for you!!

Unfortunately, a lot of people are just plain bullies - family can be included on the list! :( Being nasty can become a habit that they find VERY difficult to break. If you are brave enough - next time someone treats you really badly - just tell them to FUCK OFF! It should hopefully SHOCK THEM out of their complacency & realise just how seriously their behaviour is affecting you. You really don't need their negative attitude impacting your life right now ....

I have a family member who is always very negative & turns everything around so it is my fault, even tho I live in another country! She will be very lonely in her old age, as she has already alienated her own brother & mother!

Do you have any close friends that you can confide in as well, as a support base? See if you can get a weekend away with Otis Foundation - and invite your close friends to go with you, for a fun weekend - stuff the family!! Do things together your friends & have a FUN weekend! It sounds like your battery really needs recharging xx

Take care xxxx
PV123
Member
6 years ago
People around you should be reading about “Supporting someone with breast cancer”. So glad to hear that you will be a grandmother in August. Congratulations!
Barks34
Member
6 years ago
Thanks everyone it’s still a roller coaster some moments ok others spent crying on my bed. I have had appointment with a new psychologist are really want to feel better. News that my first grand child is arriving in August ( you are the first to hear this from me ) has given me a focus to get well mentally and physically by then. I have major issues understanding why people “kick” me when I am so low and they know that and then turn around and say they didn’t do anything I am the one at fault, I want to let it go just struggle to do so. Thanks for the support I appreciate it.
Dory65
Member
6 years ago
Hi Barks34,
just checking in with you to see how you are. Hope you are feeling better. I'm halfway through radiotherapy and returning to work tomorrow. Then I have Tamoxifen to grapple with. I transitioned from Lovan to Escitalopram antidepressant (which won't interfere with Tamoxifen). Trying to keep exercising, trying to eat well, trying to reign in my "what if" thinking. Hanging in there!
kmakm
Member
6 years ago
Dear @Barks34. It's come as a huge shock to me how difficult it has been to get over my diagnosis. Like you it came on top of, and as part of a series of very difficult events for me and my family. It's taken me out at the knees. I thought I was stronger than I turned out to be. So you're not alone in this by any means. I keep plugging away, and hope that you do the same. My psychologist helps, plus regular exercise, and I'm making small inroads with my self talk and self expectations. Finally being on the right dose of antidepressant was a big step as well. Hang in there. If I can you can! K xox
Annie71
Member
6 years ago
@Barks34 what a rotten time you have been having. It’s great to hear that CBD oil is helping and that you have some professional help. From the sound of it, what you’re experiencing would push anyone to the edge. As a short term boost, do you have anyone who lifts your spirits when you spend time with them? Any chance you could get some time with that person this week? Any other things that lift your mood that you could fit in, even for 15 minutes?

I’m about to have a DMX and reconstruction myself (just booked today for 5/2) and as someone who rides occasional waves of depression / anxiety, I’m struggling to maintain a stable mood. But this won’t last forever. I had a first bout of cancer a couple of decades ago and remember looking back a while after going into remission and thinking it all felt like a bad dream. It was like that moment you realise a bad headache has lifted! I hope you can have a similar moment very soon. Xox
arpie
Member
6 years ago
Hang in there, @Barks34 - you'll get thru this tricky bit xx
Barks34
Member
6 years ago
Thankyou all. I have started using CBD oil that helps my mood but not the pain. Saw professional help today and that also has helped as she has given me “ homework”. I never thought it would be so hard to overcome. I admit I am dealing with far too much so just need to get into a spot where I can start getting over the past. Thankyou all, it made me feel better to know were or had felt the same. I really thought I was going insane. I so want to get off this bloody roller coaster 🎢. Xxxxx