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Molly71's avatar
Molly71
Member
3 years ago

Just feel like running away

Does anyone else just feel like running away. It's almost 2 months since I finished radiation, and getting close to 12 months since my diagnosis. I see my Breast Surgeon next week. I am grateful, and I have come through surgery, chemo etc, ok compared to others, so I think I should just be "getting on with it", I've returned to work, but finding it very difficult due to sleep problems, concentration and just anxiety. I'm trying everything, antidepressants, counselling, Yoga. Since I started HT I feel like I just cry all day. I just want to run away.... does it get any easier? I have family support, but still feel alone. I'm sure this is "normal" feelings, but somedays it just feels too hard. Just feeling scared and alone at the moment, I'm sure it will eventually get a little easier (at least I hope it will). 
  • As @Julez1958 says, an end-of-active-treatment crisis is not unusual. The regular treatments may not have been fun but they become a norm. I didn’t leave work but many find going back difficult - on one obvious level it’s indicative of everything being back to ‘normal’ but you don’t feel normal, so it’s a disjunction not a reassurance. You mention you’ve tried counselling but there are many types of counsellors and not all are an immediate fit. Someone who can help you articulate what is unsettling you most of all can really help - without that, it’s hard to settle on solutions. A disruptive, life threatening illness upsets a lot of assumptions we might have about our lives. Identifying those changes is the first step to feeling confident and more settled about your future. Best wishes. 
  • Hi @Molly71
    It seems to be very common to have a bit of an emotional crash when active treatment ( I mean surgery, chemo radio) ends.
    Add to that if you are on hormone therapy often it mimics some of the side effects of menopause including mood swings ☹️
    What works for one might not work for another.
    Seeing  a psychologist might help.
    As might keeping busy .
    I find having something in my diary to do every day helps ( I am semi retired ) as well as always having a holiday to look forward to ( however short).
    It will get better but in a lot of ways it’s like moving through the various stages of grief - what you are grieving for is your formerly bulletproof self.
    Take care 🌺
  • It really sucks, @Molly71, doesn't it?   At the end of our active treatment, we 'should' be going 'yahoo - let's get on with life' .... but sometimes it is difficult as you don't really feel like it. 

    I've had my days where I just stay in bed & migrate to the lounge for lunch & tv, ignoring phone calls & knocks on the front door .... We're allowed to do that, too, now & then.   

    It really is a situation of BC & AC - Before Cancer & After Cancer - and we have become 2 very different people.  Our peace of mind has been shattered - our confidence in the future is challenged - and whilst family & friends 'think' we are 'better now' .... mentally, it is a very different story.  I think most of us have felt like you at one stage or another - so you are not alone xx

    Keeping busy (when you are not working) doing things YOU love - will hopefully bring some joy & balance back to your life .....  Maybe try & do something 'new' at least once a month .... if you are into gardens, maybe visit the local Botanical Gardens or see what local gardens are open to the public ..... go to the movies .... just try & do something 'different' .... 

    Please ring the helpline here for a chat 1800 500 258 - or see if your surgeon can hook you up to a psychologist ... They should be able to give you some coping mechanisms xx. Do you have a breast care nurse?  Perhaps your Cancer Centre may also be able to help you hook up with a Cancer Psychologist ...

    Have you thought of contacting Otis Foundation. They are a wonderful philanthropic group who arrange for BC families to have 4-6 days away in a beautiful property in your state - 
    https://www.otisfoundation.org.au/page/1/about

    take care, things DO get better xx