Forum Discussion
How to prioritise self care?
So self care is the mantra in survivorship right?
I need to do gym three times a week for the weight bearing exercises to stave off the bone damage of Letrozole. Haven't managed to work that into my schedule since early last December.
On the days when I'm not at the gym I have to walk because minimum of 30 mins a day exercise, preferably an hour.
I have to bust stress, of which I have an excess. So I'm starting a yoga class on Saturday morning. Can't use food and booze to stress bust anymore.
I have to sort out my head, get rid of the depression, manage the anxiety, so it's a psychologist appointment every two or three weeks. She wants me to journal. I struggle to find the time. She also wants me to spend 30 minutes a day doing something I enjoy, just for me.
I saw my dietician today about my failure to knuckle down and lose weight. My willpower is rubbish and as you know, it's like rolling a boulder up a hill trying to lose weight in menopause on an AI. Have to eat a low sat fat diet because of the Letrozole cholesterol issues. I have to cook most days of the week for a vegetarian, three meat-eating teenagers and a Type 2 diabetes octogenarian.
There's also the assorted ongoing medical appointments that seem to roll around with remarkable frequency.
This afternoon on my way home from the dietician in Town, I received a phone call from my son saying my daughter was vomiting, a lot. She was already home with extreme tiredness and what she described as stress from the overwhelming amount of schoolwork she has (Yr 10). Of course it could be just that, or glandular fever, but my mind goes straight to cancer. Lymphoma probably...
I also get an email from school about my nephew (Yr 8) He's got yet another detention after being given several warnings to rein in his classroom behaviour. The teacher is "beginning to wonder if he has impulse control issues".
My son, starting uni next week, has done nothing whatsoever about learning to drive or getting a job and has zero money. How does he think he is going to pay for his day to day uni life? He's been sitting in his room playing computer games and watching anime since November. From the beginning of January I've made him cook dinner once a week.
My niece continues to be the most difficult of them all. Almost continually rude, refuses simple requests, sulky, terrible sleep issues & much more.
So to properly deal with each one of those issues takes buckets of time and buckets of money. GP appointments, specialist child psychologists and who knows what else. About to take vomiting daughter to the doctor now.
My self care, if done properly, would take buckets of time and buckets of money.
There are no buckets here. If there's a choice I have to prioritise the kids. Any prioritising of myself is already accompanied by massive guilt.
I am really struggling to arrange my survivorship life. And that's even before I start trying to find and then hopefully get a job. How does everyone do this? How do I recover fully and lead a healthier, engaged life in survivorship, and take care of everyone else, have a satisfying relationship with my partner, a job, maintain contact with my friends, keep fit, lose weight, not be stressed and feel OKish about everything? Is it actually possible to do at all?
Yours from the House of Bad Behaviour and Vomit, K
I need to do gym three times a week for the weight bearing exercises to stave off the bone damage of Letrozole. Haven't managed to work that into my schedule since early last December.
On the days when I'm not at the gym I have to walk because minimum of 30 mins a day exercise, preferably an hour.
I have to bust stress, of which I have an excess. So I'm starting a yoga class on Saturday morning. Can't use food and booze to stress bust anymore.
I have to sort out my head, get rid of the depression, manage the anxiety, so it's a psychologist appointment every two or three weeks. She wants me to journal. I struggle to find the time. She also wants me to spend 30 minutes a day doing something I enjoy, just for me.
I saw my dietician today about my failure to knuckle down and lose weight. My willpower is rubbish and as you know, it's like rolling a boulder up a hill trying to lose weight in menopause on an AI. Have to eat a low sat fat diet because of the Letrozole cholesterol issues. I have to cook most days of the week for a vegetarian, three meat-eating teenagers and a Type 2 diabetes octogenarian.
There's also the assorted ongoing medical appointments that seem to roll around with remarkable frequency.
This afternoon on my way home from the dietician in Town, I received a phone call from my son saying my daughter was vomiting, a lot. She was already home with extreme tiredness and what she described as stress from the overwhelming amount of schoolwork she has (Yr 10). Of course it could be just that, or glandular fever, but my mind goes straight to cancer. Lymphoma probably...
I also get an email from school about my nephew (Yr 8) He's got yet another detention after being given several warnings to rein in his classroom behaviour. The teacher is "beginning to wonder if he has impulse control issues".
My son, starting uni next week, has done nothing whatsoever about learning to drive or getting a job and has zero money. How does he think he is going to pay for his day to day uni life? He's been sitting in his room playing computer games and watching anime since November. From the beginning of January I've made him cook dinner once a week.
My niece continues to be the most difficult of them all. Almost continually rude, refuses simple requests, sulky, terrible sleep issues & much more.
So to properly deal with each one of those issues takes buckets of time and buckets of money. GP appointments, specialist child psychologists and who knows what else. About to take vomiting daughter to the doctor now.
My self care, if done properly, would take buckets of time and buckets of money.
There are no buckets here. If there's a choice I have to prioritise the kids. Any prioritising of myself is already accompanied by massive guilt.
I am really struggling to arrange my survivorship life. And that's even before I start trying to find and then hopefully get a job. How does everyone do this? How do I recover fully and lead a healthier, engaged life in survivorship, and take care of everyone else, have a satisfying relationship with my partner, a job, maintain contact with my friends, keep fit, lose weight, not be stressed and feel OKish about everything? Is it actually possible to do at all?
Yours from the House of Bad Behaviour and Vomit, K
136 Replies
- @Sarnicad I've given up having that fight with the 19yo. If he wants to live like a swamp pig he can.
- For me I guess it is about finding the time to do the things my medical team are insisting that I do. I still have active treatment in play so I see it as an extension of that treatment. That said it is still hard to ignore the crap fest that is my life and do the thing I need to do
today I think I managed about 14 fights with the family in the time I was home which was only about 6 hours all day - special talent right there I think. One with the nearly 18 yo boy about the state of his room - that one lasted a fair while! - Digging around in the brain is tiring work all by itself. Being prepared to do it at all deserves some serious credit. My short term counsellor did an excellent job in teaching me digging and trenching skills - helps if the digging doesn't fall in on you. Then I could go at my own pace. Delegating better, prioritising, saying no all helped my bad work habits. Then I could focus on why I had them. Fear of ageing of course. And why that? Took me another year to face the fear of dying adequately. Is it worth it? Absolutely from my point of view as long as the purpose - to live a better happier life - is squarely at the front.
- Good for you @kmakm...if you don't behave yourself in that regard, I might be forced to knit you more bedsocks!!! You have been warned...
- So true @AllyJay, as usual. My psychologist has asked me to try saying "you deserve it" to myself when I am feeling guilty about taking time to look after myself. I'm giving it a red hot try.
- I think that some of our expectations of how we feel we should behave are culturally based. Touching on your airplane and oxygen mask...adult first, then child..is a good one. As you say, your head "gets" it, but your heart doesn't. In the past, the San (bushmen), tribe of Southern Africa were hunter gatherers is a very sparsely watered environment...vegetation and wildlife included. When an animal was brought down by arrows or spears, the young men ate first, then the younger women, then the children, then the old. We in modern western society might react in horror. However their experience over thousands of years told them that if the hunting men were not up to strength, speed and stamina, the rest of the family group would die along with them. So they ate first. If the younger women died, so would the children and the old ones. You get the picture. The family members who provide for and nurture the rest have to be strong. You are stronger than you know, but at the moment, you are depleted. It is not selfish to take care of yourself, mind, body and soul. But you already know that in your head, your heart just has to catch up. Hugs...Ally.
- Well yes @Blossom1961! I meant in a practical sense. Of course you guys are with me, and I with you. All the way. K xox
- Rubbish @kmakm, you have us and we will rally with you.Monster hugs my friend. We will try a catch up in Melbourne when you have time, maybe next week?
- @"Patti J" Asking for help is very hard. I really feel that well is dry after chemo last year. All my friends rallied round so magnificently. I simply cannot ask for any more help. Everyone's got their own 'thing'. Cancer trumps a lot but I just have find a way to make it all work on my own now.
- Thank you @j9k. I'll try hard to keep some self care as a priority. I won't let it all go I promise. It's just difficult to work out how. And how to do it without feeling guilty because I'm 'indulging' myself. It's the aeroplane mask analogy. Put it on yourself before you put it on your child. I get it intellectually! Just so hard for me to implement it emotionally.
My kids get one freebie a year when it comes to forgetting to bring something to school. After that they're on their own. Real life consequence is definitely the best teacher. Nothing like getting a detention for not having your sport uniform to make you remember it! K xox
